And I had to move in 7th grade. Goddammit. I could have had a nice, healthy, lusty –
Hang on, what the hell am I saying?
[Rain Man]
2:18 AM. Too late for me. Definately too late for me. I’m an excellent driver, but only on dirt roads. 2:18 AM, breakfast at 9 AM. K-Mart sucks…and so forth.
[/Rain Man]
Coronado, California
I spent three to five years there, all of them as a high school student, and it wasn’t fun. I didn’t realize it until recently, but Coronado is The Village. You remember The Village? From The Prisoner. Patrick McGoohan spends 17 episodes being pestered by guest stars and chased by weather balloons? Coming back now? Coronado is identical, except without the weather balloons.
As a native Arkansawyer, I have to agree with the nomination of Pine Bluff. I’ve never had the misfortune of living there, but I’ve lived close enough (~60 miles away) to smell it on a bad day. You’ve got the paper mills, the chemical weapon stockpiles at Pine Bluff Arsenal, and the near-total lack of any other economic activity, with extreme heat and humidity and nothing even remotely attractive to look (pine trees and dirt). It does seem to me that heat and humidity are essential for designation as an “armpit”, and PB qualifies in spades.
What’s to say about a place whose primary claim to fame is:
You have to think that when the military was deciding where to put all those chemical nasties, they looked for a place that was already so bad it couldn’t get much worse. And they found it.
Then you’ve got the National Center for Toxicological Research, where they try to figure out what to do if any of the Arsenal’s stockpiles ever get loose.
Henrietta, OK
Broke down there for a couple of days and god if I was not stuck in hell. Birthplace of Troy Aickmann and that is the highpoint. You ever try to eat a Big Mac with a huge Troy Aikmann shrine staring at you? The guy ain’t pretty. The whole town stank like the inside of a ass and the local high schoolers did nothin but bug the hell outta me when they saw I was visting. Nothin happened there in the past, their library was a joke, and apparently Wal Mart was the coolest place to work. Hotter than hell in August and apparently they make the matresses outta morter in the hotels.
Yes. And both of them are pretty nice.
Which reminds me of an acquaintance who, when new to Houston, decided one fine June day to take a 10-minute walk from his apartment to the supermarket with his wife, plus infant in a stroller. Partway down one of Houston’s non-tree-lined boulevards, a cop car pulled over next to them, and an officer got out to ask if they were OK and if there was a problem.
Only madmen and people from Bangladesh go out in the noonday sun in Houston.
Excellent Mexican food, though. And the Gas House is a good place to watch a baseball game.
Rochester, N.Y.
I spent too many years there. Rochster with the dead downtown, where the city shuts down at 6 PM all days but one. Where the most intereting historical feature (the Falls of the Genessee) are kept hidden away behind mouldering factory walls instead of being celebrated. Where the city went out of its way to tear down historic buildings downtown rather than preserving their architectural heritage (except for the Times Square building, with its fantastically ugly heat-exchange Art Deco whatsits on top), so that downtown is now depressingly featureless and uniform.
After I left Rochester I saw a front-page article with the headline “Dull Folks Hnor (Rodmney) Dangerfield”. It told about an rganization called DENSA, the logical alternative to MENSA. It’s headquartered (I knw this nefore I even read the article) in Rochester.
Rochester, where they do not believe in plowing the snow. I have seen them put down road salt on heavy snow BEFORE plowing. Rocester uses so much salt tha reasonable people put their good cars in the garage when the first snowflake hits and drive a “rus rat:” all winter.
There are no movie theaters downtown. Public transporation is the pits. Rochester is the only city I know that had a subway, but got rid of it because no one was riding it. The train used to stop for dogs on the tracks. The Liberty Tree park downtown and Manhattan Square parks have almost no grass, being made of concrete and futuristic metal monstrousities.
“But lots of famous people are from Rochester,” I am told. The speakers do not recognize that the operative word is “from”.
** The Places Rated Almanac ranked Kankakee County as the worst metropolitan area to live in the United States and Canada. **
http://www.daily-journal.com/news/stories/n12029901.html
Seems to me if David Letterman * REALLY * cared he could have offered tickets out of here instead of a couple useless gazebos…
If we’re talking strictly Continetal USA, it’s El Paso.
Otherwise it’s Pago Pago, American Samoa. I had the extrme misfortune to visit there last fall…I’ve seen Indian reservations with more lively economies, if the Spam-eatin’ cannibals don’t get you, the various diseases from the canneries will…
Hey, Taunton isn’t THAT bad…sure, it’s an old mill city, but it’s a heck of a lot more “user friendly” than Lawrence or parts of Lowell/Lynn/Haverhill/Brockton…
My ex-fiance lives on the Taunton/Raynham line, practically in the middle of the woods! That is, if he’s still there…:eek: