World's Ugliest Town

The BBQ Pit
1

Pensacola!!! It’s true! Can your town boast of more closed strip malls, stupider city councils, more rampant uncontrolled and pointless greed? P’Cola can’t wait to turn itself into a parking lot for Wal-Mart. Pensacola, LA – That’s for “Lower Alabama” – is most god forsaken fetid sticky swamp of a pit in all of this freaking piss poor state!!
Yeah, I’m a misplanted Urban Yankee in the Deep South and summer is already in full swing here. But hey, in Florida, it’s not the heat and humidity, it’s the hate and stupidity that get me hopping mad!!

What’s your choice for the Ugliest town? I swear, I got ya beat!! Arrrrgh!!!

2

Real question–my brother collects soda cans, and a standing joke is someday we’re going to drive down to Pensacola and buy us some Pensa Cola. Has any such animal ever really existed?

Sorry about your current situation. Raleigh-Durham is consistantly rated one of the best places in the country to live, so maybe you should check us out.

3

About 40 miles east of the Raliegh-Durham area, past the miles of trailer parks, lies a fetid swamp of gas stations, McDonalds’, and housing developments called Wilson, NC. It’s been my good fortune to call the area home since I was 2 years old, (for about twenty years). The night life isn’t exactly what you’d call ideal. Other than hanging out in the BP station, or that Mecca that we call the WAL*MART supercenter, there’s not much. Of course, for those late night munchies, there’s always Denny’s. Probably half of the population is into some kind of drug or another simply because of boredom. Yes, Wilson is the asshole of NC.

What a difference a little difference would make. -FUGAZI

4

Hey egospark,

I’m from LA -lower Alabama- and last time I went to the naval air museum in Pensacola I crossed the Florida state line. Check your map again.

But I do agree with you. Except fo the Blue Angels and the Air Museum there isn’t much attraction there.

“Southerners can never resist a losing cause.”
Margaret Mitchell

5

He was making an observation, i.e. that this part of the Florida peninsula is closely tied to Alabama, at least culturally.

This reminds me of a joke: What is another name for North Dakota? Answer: Baja Manitoba.

6

I say to this, as I would say to any “misplanted Urban Yankee in the Deep South” who sits around and bitches about his surroundings 24-7: Leave. Go. Now … Florida has no use for you. Go back to whatever infernal northern factory town you were laid off in and start anew … believe me, there will be four more of you tomorrow.

The ugliest town I ever saw was El Paso, Texas.

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But most of those semi-cities that make up “The Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan Area” are pretty wretched too.

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In Los Angeles, RTA stands for Rapid Transit Authority. I hereby AUTHORIZE all irate Floridians to take the most RAPID TRANSIT available back to whatever swamp they came from.

The closest thing to euthinasia that we practice in the country is shipping all our old people to Florida.

Semi-city indeed! Almost all of central Florida is based on one of those semi-cities: Anaheim, California!

9

Oh, no mistaking, I’m hoping to be out of here before hurricane season is in full swing again but I’ll most likely suffer through another year.
As I mention in a private email, the city planner of P’Cola built the sewage treatment plant near some black projects in the 60s. The blacks left and the sewage treatment plant is all by itself on beach front property an easy breeze from downtown.
Clear thinking is not a strong suit here. Can’t wait for that mental giant Jeb Bush to help foul things up even more.

10

Egospark, I feel your pain. I hope you can get out of that hell hole before the next hurricane. Would moving to Tallahassee help? Is Pensacola the setting for the tv show Jag?

However, calling an American city the “world’s ugliest town” is rather harsh. I’m sure there are worse places in other countries. Instead, let’s narrow the topic to “America’s worst cities”. Here are some candidates: Birmingham, AL. Rockford, IL. Peoria, IL. Joliet, IL. Gary, IN. Toledo, OH. Cleveland, OH. The Bronx, NY. Most cities in New Jersey (especially Newark, Jersey City). Dover, Del is awfully muggy. Most cities in Michigan (except the capitol–Lansing or E. Lansing?). Michigan has more cloudy days than any other state, 7 out of 10 days, so I think the whole state is gloomy. Most cities in the frozen tundra known as Alaska. Most cities in W. Virginia. I still think of people there as all coming from large families of 7 kids or more, who drop out of high school, like the Waltons. Although, I did enjoy that tv show. Also, Littleton, Col., and Waco, Tx., don’t sound too nice. I have heard bad things about Fresno and Modesto, Cal. East L.A. East St. Louis, IL. Allentown, PA, according to Billy Joel’s song.

America the beautiful!

11

Oh my God, Modesto is a TOILET!

===== Hello Papabear
{In Los Angeles, RTA stands for Rapid Transit Authority.}

Yes. And not just there, either. But to me it stands for something different … anyway it is a shame that LA has no rapid transit its denizens will use, or it wouldn’t be such an ecological catastrophe zone.

{I hereby AUTHORIZE all irate Floridians to take the most RAPID TRANSIT available back to whatever swamp they came from.)

A short trip for me, to be sure … If the “back where you came from” movement really catched on, though, Florida would definitely be blissfully less crowded … It is starting to get warm though, and all the weaklings who can’t hang with the higher temperatures have already left. The Canadians were first to go, as always.

{The closest thing to euthinasia that we practice in the country is shipping all our old people to Florida.)

You left out Dr. Kevorkian and Arizona, but sure … let us affirm together that saying that Florida is full of old people is like saying that California is full of shallow, flaky, dippy, rich white people.

{Semi-city indeed! Almost all of central Florida is based on one of those semi-cities: Anaheim, California!}

The Orlando area is smaller than you might think … and with Universal Studios and Sea World and Hard Rock etc. etc. it is no longer the company town it was back in the '60s. Yet still, us locals curse the name of Mr. Disney backwards and forwards for what he did to Florida, and those who let him ghet away with it.
And if you want to call Bellflower or Compton or Tarzana et al. fully-realized cities, go for it.

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12

Hmm… This is the BBQ Pit? Heh heh.

I’ll say this! All American towns are ugly! Except for San Francisco, NYC and New Orleans.

NYC is not ugly, but it sure is smelly!

:slight_smile:

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Ah, Bill, don’t mince words here. If we take for granted that the US is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth – then there’s no excuse for cities that look like they were planned on the back of a brown paper bag.
But the problem that faces many cities in this country is that they are first and foremost designed for cars not people. And once you decide that the auto has the right of way in living and space, you end up with mindless sprawling and parking lots.

Oh my RTA…The number of Floridians here who live enclosed is staggering. If the temp hits 80 degrees they turn the AC on to 65. If it dips down to 68 degrees, then the heater is cranked to 90. I’ve never seen a bigger bunch of weather wussies than Floridains. All that recycled air has destroyed what little common sense they had.

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Hmmm…nobody has written in defense of any of those cities I named. I must have the hit nails right on the head! Of course, I wouldn’t expect any resident of those cities to read the StraightDope web page anyway.

Egospark, I’m surprised you can even get internet access in that backwards dump of a city you live in. Thank goodness you can communicate with those of us who live in more advanced cities. By the way, what do you do for a job down there? Have you figured out what city to move to? Or are you going to stay and turn Pensacola around?

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I would like to add two more Southern cities to the list: Mobile, AL, near you, Egospark. Memphis, TN, which sits on what is probably the biggeset earthquake fault in the USA, and talk about hot and humid!

If you draw a triangle between Memphis, Birmingham, AL, and the Mobile-Pensacola area, you you have sort of a Bermuda triangle of ignorance. In this area, intelligent life seems to vanish without a trace! Another similar triangle exists in Illinois between Rockford, Peoria, and Joliet. Avoid these triangles! lol

16

Give me time, give me time. . .

You mentioned the tiny villages in the Alaskan tundra. Have you ever been? They are wonderful! I wouldn’t want to live there, but I certainly wouldn’t classify them as one of the worst towns in the country. Not only is it beautiful, there is no traffic or polution or crowds.

I would move to the Alaska bush or a small village in heartbeat. Remember Northern Exposure? (I know, it was filmed in Washington State, but they are very similar). God it is beautiful!

I take a vacation to Alaska twice a year and each time I have to be forced onto the plane to come home. One day I won’t.

My vote for the worst towns would be Barstow, California, talk about a freaking hellhole near Death Valley. 110 degrees, dirty, ugly, and full of poverty and crime.

A close second would be Wendover, Nevada. Nothing but a few beat up trailor parks on the Bonneville Salt Flats a million miles away from civilization. U-G-L-Y! They do have a few nice casinos that call my name every few months, but it is still as butt-ass-ugly as you can get.

>^,^<
KITTEN

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. - Confucius

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I second Diane’s defense of Alaska! Alaska altogether is drop-dead gorgeous. I spent many, many happy weekends there as a child in Haines - not a city, but a lovely, scenic town with beautiful wood houses, the most amazing mountains and glaciers and big trees everywhere. It’s got nice people too - an interesting blend of blue-collar and granola crunchers.

I can’t speak to any other cities in the US - I’ve only been to Alaska and Seattle, and I kinda like Seattle except for the lack of public transit and the shockingly huge freeway system. Pike St. Market makes up for it, though. I’m trying to think of a Canadian city that really sucks - the closest I can come is Medicine Hat, Alberta, because it’s got lots of malls, no real scenery and everyone there has an unhealthy attachment to country music and line dancing.

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First off Mr. Clinton, I live in Michigan and love it here. (And the capitol is Lansing, a town that while nothing special holds a dear place in my heart…but that’s another long story.)

As for worst towns…

Ever see the movie Independence Day?

Remember the scene where a jillion and one mobile homes and RV’s and junkers are crusing thru the desert to the last surviving air base at Area 51 or what ever the super secret site in Nevada is?

Ever wonder where they all came from?

Well…I’ll tell you. Halfway between Kingman AZ (famous for being Tim McVeigh’s last residence before “visiting” Ok. City) and Laughlin, NV (the old persons Vegas) is a place known as the Golden Valley. My first look at it was at night…and all I could see were the lights of hundreds of residences scattered all over the valley…kind of cheery really. The next day on my return trip…I saw literally thousands of mobile homes and RV’s and pick-up containing (I was told) folks that were so paranoid-ily (I made that up…call it poetic license) anti-government that they didn’t want to have a permant dwelling in case the Feds declare martial law. Just imagine the most run down looking mobile home park you’ve ever seen…and spread it over a huge desert valley. Add Death Valley temps to complete the pic.

That’s MY vote for worst town.

Kevin

Pain shared is lessened,
Joy shared increased.
-Spider Robinson

19

Bill Ah, Mobile actually has a few points in favor. There’s a large section of Old South charm, even though (like most cities) the downtown is dead.
If not for the navy base, Pensacola wouldn’t exist. There’s no reason for it. P’Cola has been having a semi-celebration going on about it’s 300 years of existence…
300 years and what is there to show for it? A minor league hockey team and a mall. What a sad sorry place.
Which is not to say it’s all doom and gloom here. My neighborhood is fairly attractive as long as we can keep the proles from chopping down all the trees. There’s a very nice section along 12 ave and…um…the beaches are nice. Everything else is a paved over sink hole waiting to cave back in.

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Talking only about the worst shitholes I’ve actually been in:

  1. Almost anywhere in Mexico. Nice country, love the people there, lots of interesting things to see, great food, etc., but if you’re not middle-class or a Yankee tourist the place is a dump.

  2. Bayonne, New Jersey. No further comments.

  3. East St. Louis, Illinois. Most dangerous place I’ve ever been to.

  4. Cartagena, Spain. Damn. it’s ugly.

  5. Vallecas, Spain. An awful industrial suburb of Madrid. They put all the nasty crap they didn’t want in their nice capital ten miles out of town.

  6. The whole state of Oklahoma.

  7. Sete, France. You want stinking port cities? This is a port city and it stinks, I’m not sure why, but boy, does it ever smell bad.

  8. The road from the airport to Barcelona, Spain. I love Barcelona but its industrial suburbs are disgraceful, and you’ll never see a bigger collection of factories that should have been torn down forty years ago anywhere else.

  9. Camden, New Jersey.

  10. Houston, Texas. That has got to be the most unpleasant major metropolitan area in the whole USA. I will personally kiss the ass of anyone who can say one positive thing about Houston without my successful contradiction.