We’ve been raising our nephew at the Dragwyr household for the past 2.5 years. I’ve posted about this before, but I will give the abbreviated version here.
This relationship came to be because my nephew’s mother went from being an independent small business owner to homeless in under one year due to substance abuse and continual bad parenting. She was always a bad parent, but when we saw she was going to lose her home, we had to step in and do something, so we got a “Limited” guardianship of nephew awarded to us.
Nephew was 10 when we got him. The decision to take him into our home was a very deliberate decision. In fact it was my idea. Nobody else on my wife’s side of the family was able to take him… They were either too old, too young, or just not able to handle him. If we didn’t take him, he would have ended up homeless like his deadbeat mother. We had to step up and do the right thing, so I told Mrs. D that we needed to take him.
My wife’s family has always been rather close, so it didn’t take long at all for her to start loving him as one of our own. Its been tougher for me because he has not formed any type of emotional bond with me. Of course his entire life has been one of disappointment by his natural father, so having a father figure suddenly in his life is a real big thing for him. It has been over 2 years and he still doesn’t like to talk to me or do things with me unless it is a direct request for something. I try to be there for him, but he is so hurt inside. It may take years before he can look at me and consider me his parental figure, let alone actually feel any kind of emotional connection to me. I try to be understanding of his situation while at the same time treating him the same as the rest of my children, but it is extremely tough when all I get back from him is a look of glaring hatred.
Do I have any regrets? That is a question I’ve asked myself every day that I’ve had him. Some days I sometimes feel like there is no hope for him and that all our efforts to raise him are for naught, but then I think about where he would be if he wasn’t with us. In the end I always end up feeling that I never regretted doing the right thing by taking custody of him.
What would I have done differently? I’d like to think that if I could go back in time, I would hire a hit man to kill his deadbeat, no good, druggie parents, so that there would be no way they could continue to screw up his life. Although its a nice thought, I know that I probably wouldn’t do anything different. I’m not a violent person. I get frustrated easily when I have to deal with his loser mom and loser dad, but I know the way we are handling the situation is as good as its going to get for him. I’m just now coming to realize that his parents are never going to change, and nephew is just starting to realize that as well. Now that he can see them for what they really are, I’m hoping my relationship with him will improve.