A pithy message for ZPG Zealot

In this thread I started asking non-biological parents to share their stories, ZPG Zealot write:

Persons familiar with ZZ’s posting history will understand why this remark, however irksome, is hardly surprising. This vile thread of hers is characteristic but hardly unique. Perusing it will make clear why I judge engaging her in conversation to be fruitless.

My first impulse was to invite ZPG to go fuck herself. But then I remembered that fucking is a good thing; I certainly enjoy it, and I’m not about to wish good things on her. Next I considered requesting that she consume a great amount of her own feces, but that too seems inappropriate; she is so full of shit that she cannot possibly have an asshole. Other colorful insults seemed similarly inapplicable. Finally, it occurred to me that no fate can be worse than actually living in her own miserable head, so that is the vile fate I shall wish upon her.

That is all.

Well, what I do is parent, so being called a parent seems like a good enough title for me.

What a whack-a-doodle.

I know, and that’s why I’m offended. I’m supposed to be the resident lunatic. Say so right in the FAQ, it does. :smiley:

I can understand, when taking over guardianship of a relative, that a person might want to continue using the terms that have already been established, whether it be sibling, aunt/uncle, grandparent, whatever. How that’s relevant to an adoptive or step parent situation, I’m not sure.

I wasn’t vexed at that. I was vexed at the unprovoked and pointlessly mean insult to adoptive parents. Also she didn’t offer me any cookies.

Dear ZPG Zealot.

Parent. ParentParentParentParentParent. ParentParentParent. Parent.


I genuinely don’t understand why you’re offended. You set up a thread asking for stories/experiences/whatever, and she… gave you her experience. It’s not like she said "I’ve never understood why non-biological custodians delude themselves into thinking that they’re actual parents, and have always found the term parent very offensive. I prefer to ground myself in reality and be known as a Guardian.’

If we had a thread where someone was marrying a person with kids, and the soon-to-be-stepparent was absolutely insistent that the kids call them mom/dad despite the wishes of the kids and the (involved) biological parents, most of us would be all over that person. Why shouldn’t the reverse also be true? I’m a stepparent, my stepkids were 10 and 11 when we met, and they have never called me mom or referred to me as such (they introduce me as their stepmother or, depending on the audience, their dad’s wife). I’d be hugely uncomfortable if they had- their mom (while not very bright) had custody, raised them, did everything a mom does. Why would I take that title from her??

I know stepparents who have tremendous amounts of resentment toward their stepkids- some deserved, some not- who would be horrified to be referred to as mom or dad, or a parent. Are they deserving of your anger as well?

To each their own… if you didn’t want dissenting opinions, perhaps you should’ve said so.

Don’t worry about it. She appears to be the type of person who would dangle them in front of you and demand that you call them turds before you could have any.

Yeah, I get that it was clearly the wrong thread to be spreading anti-adoption bigotry. It might have been nice to hear a little more about her relationship with her brother that she had guardianship of, that being the purpose of the thread. But, alas.

Is it possible that all she meant was that she considers it offensive in her specific case, i.e., since she is in fact the boy’s sister, it sounds weird to call her his mother?

It’s still an out-of-place comment and poorly phrased if this was her intent, but perhaps it wasn’t intended as an insult to other posters.

When you adopt a child as your own, aren’t they adopting you as their parent???

Seems really silly that anyone would make a big deal out of it, seems even sillier that someone would be “very offended” by it.

At the same time, I’m not sure if I’m missing something. You’re telling her to go fuck herself because of the quoted remark or are there some other specific posts you can point me to? I love a good quarrel, but I think I might be missing some of the background info.


No. I can see if you aren’t familiar with ZPG Zealot, you might think that. But take a look at the other thread that Skald linked to, and you’ll learn all about her rather…interesting…views on adoption.

Yeah, this one is all about context. You have to read the other thread to understand the vexation. Sort of like how many of Cesario’s posts would have seemed harmless if you didn’t know who he was.

Read the post above yours. It was the unprovoked and churlish insult of adoptive parents that vexed me. I’ll happily admit that one must be familiar with her posting history to read the subtext. It would be as if–oh–as if someone asked for feedback on a poem, and I posted that in my view the verse in question was as skillfully created as the third Lord of the Rings movie. Anybody who knows me would know that I was taking a shot.

There was no point to that shot.

Actually, that’s more or less exactly what she said (loudly and repeatedly) in the other thread and elsewhere. She also basically said the entire practice of adoption is an abomination. Perhaps she didn’t say it in Skald’s thread, but I guarantee she’s angling to. She’s just itching for someone to say, “Gee, that’s an unusual POV! What makes you say that?”


Exactly. I saw this and thought, jesusgod, she’s another Cesario.

What’s so wrong about being against adoption?

What’s so wrong with kicking the shit out of puppies?

This thread from Great Debates had some ZPG “zingers”.

Here’s a hint: When someone’s username indicates that they’re a one-trick pony, that’s a pretty good indicator that it’s safe to ignore them.

Or (I find this the more fun approach) get a good chuckle out of their nuttery.

I dunno about that. For every ZPG Zealot, there’s a FoieGrasIsEvil.