This is a spin-off of the earlier thread “How come he don’t want me, man?” or stories of unwanted children because I found the thread odd, but as I read to the end, it occurred to me that some of the stories and the emotions were almost the mirror opposite of my childhood. I use to fantasize about my parents dropping out of sight and never returning. It would have made my life and my siblings lives safer and considerably happier. I don’t think I ever liked either of them. It’s hard to like selfish, immature narcissists. According to one of my aunts I could scream “Leave me the hell alone,” at my mother as young as four because I couldn’t stand having her hovering around. The worst times, periods when my parents would drag us away from our family to live apart in some trailer more than walking distance from everybody else, luckily ended when I was ten because me and my brothers told my father that if they tried that again, we would gut them in their sleep. I am sure I am not the only person on the Dope, who knows their lives would have been much better if their parents had been absent through most of it,
Least surprising OP ever.
Well this post explains a lot…
Oh, indeed.
To try to seriously answer the OP- there are some parents out there with serious anxiety problems (or something) regarding their children. My friend’s family is a prime example of this- I’m not sure if this is a cultural thing or just a quirk of theirs- her mom is from Russia and her dad is from Palestine.
Anyway- my friend is 25 now, but her parents still require her to check in with them multiple times a day by phone, they go through her stuff, they want to know all the details of who she’s with, etc. and they get very angry if she doesn’t comply. It’s all very strange. I’ve asked why she doesn’t distance herself by this point, but they’re offering financial support while she’s still in school. I’m not sure what it’s all about either- if they think she’s going to somehow get hurt living by herself or if they just feel that since she’s their child they need to have absolute control. It also seems to be a gender thing- they’re not as controlling with her brother.
My mom (who’s American) isn’t that controlling and I have moved away from her and don’t really communicate with her since I’m financially independent, but she’s very distant in person and was for most of my childhood so would use “stalker” methods to find out stuff that she very well could have just asked me. I’ve since changed all my passwords, but she used to look in my email or ask to borrow my laptop with the excuse that her computer wasn’t working and look through all my photos. I knew about it because she’d make snarky comments later about stuff she found.
Gosh, it almost sounds like if you had been adopted into a kind, loving family like I was, your childhood might have been better.
If you ever find yourself in Salt Lake City, drinks are on me!!!
The daughter had a boyfriend who “strayed”. So the police are called by a homeowner concerned their dogs wouldn’t stop barking. Police search their garden and find the mother daughter duo hiding in the bushes, trying to catch the boyfriend at it.
The police explained to them that they can’t hang out in peoples bushes - trespass, disturbing the peace - but the mothers defence was that they had every right to - her daughters boyfriend was in the house. It’s pretty sad. The daughter by herself is very different to when she’s with her nutty mother. What mother would encourage their kid to stalk some loser at 2am. Dude was not in that house either.
That’s my stalking mother story.
I am estranged from my family for very many good reasons.
When I began the estrangement my mom wanted me to keep regular contact with her about where I would be so she “could make sure we didn’t accidentally run into each other”. WTF.
I know she follows myself and my husband around online, we get periodic messages from her in various places. I’ve given up debating “do I want to share this online?” in that light, because I don’t want her to be in my head that much. Just.Go.Away.
I was part of a kind, loving family. My parents were the problem especially my mother who tried to alienate my siblings and I from our family. When I was very young I lived in terror that she would sell us to strangers through the adoption system.
Wait, sold BY gypsies??? :eek:
Wait - you don’t consider your parents family?
They are family, but they are not the end all and be all of my family. Certainly, while I was growing up my great grandfather and great grandmother as the oldest of the elders had more importance and authority in my life. They were suppose to be the final arbitrators of decisions about my childhood something my mother greatly resented to the point of absolutely despicable behavior which sometimes endangered our lives. I was trained as a wise woman by one of my aunts which is basically done as an apprenticeship which is another area and time of my life in which my mother should have backed the hell away. What was extremely infuriating about that time, was my mother didn’t have any real plans for my future (or concern), but couldn’t stand the fact that my aunt thought I was smart or that being smart was considered more important than being pretty.
Yeah, we’ve all been there, man.
Surely adoption would have been better than a childhood spent in terror.
No that would have been a childhood spent being abused by people who were only willing to care about me if I lied about my origins. I would have been one of those adopted children that became a serial killer because taking others lives was the only stimulation powerfull enough to allow me to feel something because my personality had been so abused and degraded in childhood.
This is why you don’t engage the crazy.
And you know this how?
If I had a dollar for every time I had to threaten to gut my parents in their sleep…
You’re new to this particular poster, aren’t you?