Someone else on this board characterized the feeling as (loosely paraphrased):
“I wouldn’t trade my kid(s) for a million dollars…and I wouldn’t buy another one for a nickel.”
Well?
Thank you, everyone, for your stories. They’ve meant a great deal to me.
So are ya pregnant or not?
I don’t have kids, but I’ve been talking to my buddy about his.
He and his wife both seem to have the same opinion: their son is great and they wouldn’t give him up, but there’s a lot that people don’t tell you. He feels that people even gloss over the difficult things just to spread around the condition so that they don’t have to see as many people free to do what they want.
So they tell me both things: it’s difficult and they kind of resent the difficulty, but they wouldn’t really go back, either.
I have this fantasy that I wouldn’t be such a slave to the process, but then again they aren’t the types either, and they tell me that they have trouble even just visiting stores on a whim because of carrying the toddler along.
I’m also a non-motherly type who had a child (planned). My husband at the time had always wanted children, and although he agreed that we didn’t have to have any, I was trying to see things his way. While trying to decide to change my mind, I read a book that had a good piece of advice. It said that whatever you decide, whether to have children or not, you will probably be content with your decision.
My life would have been a LOT easier if I had not had my son. He’s had psychiatric problems and things were really hard for a while. But I love him very much. I enjoy being away from him (when he’s at his Dad’s house), but I’m also happy to be with him when he gets home.
Also, I know a number of married couples who’ve decided not to have children, and have been very happy with their decision (we’re all around 50 now).
I don’t know how old you are, or how close you are to the man involved, or if you’re able to financially support a child. So you will have to think about all of these issues and make the decision. It’s really scary to think about being pregnant for the first time, and if you are pregnant you will have limited time to make a decision. Caring for a child does completely change the way you life your life. But whatever you decide, it will probably turn out OK.
I guess I’ll be a voice of dissent here. Most people don’t believe me when I say if I had to do it all over, I wouldn’t. They think I’m joking; I couldn’t possibly be serious about wishing I never had or kept my children.
I didn’t plan to have kids but life happens–especially when you’re young and stupid. I have two daughters, born when I was 17 and 18; they are now 21 and 20. I also have an 18 year old step-son.
For the most part, I did not enjoy raising my daughters, or my step-son when I remarried. I tried very hard to be a good parent, though I’m sure I failed in numerous ways. I care about my daughters and step-son, but if I could do it all over, I would not have had kids. There were some wonderful times, but I would have been fine with never having experienced them.
Also, different children have different personalities. While raising the three kids, I treated them as equally as I could, but I did not, and do not, like them all equally.
However, being a grandma is not bad at all. I have tons of sympathy for my 20-year daughter who is discovering how hard it is to be a parent, especially when you had no intention of having children.