For those who don't have kids, don't want 'em

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have 3 kids and hope to have more. All my life I’ve known that having children was a main goal in my life.

But I know there are plenty of people who feel the opposite, and they are who I want to talk to.

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Do you like kids?

Why don’t you want children?

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

2

Oooh, it’s just like dreamer’s atheist quiz!

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Yup. Not one maternal bone in my body.

Do you like kids?
I’m rarely around 'em. I find that veiled sarcasm is lost on them, they rarely look good in evening clothes . . . I neither like them nor dislike them.

Why don’t you want children?
I dunno. Why don’t I want to be a doctor, or live in Spain? Everyone has different likes and dislikes, and thank goodness for that!

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
I’m already “older,” and I’ve never regretted it for a moment.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Advantages . . . Hmmm . . . I’m a completely free agent; whatever happens to me has no impact on anyone else. No responsibilities, financial or otherwise.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
if it is, I’ve never personally encountered it.

3

OK, I’ll bite. I don’t want to have kids. I just got married to a woman who agrees, so things are looking good for living a barren, childless existence. Woo hoo!

  1. I’ve always felt that I probably didn’t want kids. For me, it wasn’t a sudden epiphany (“holy moly! I don’t want to wipe anyone else’s ass!”), but just a growing sense of certainty.

  2. I like kids very much, actually. I think I’d be great dad. I hope some of my siblings have kids so I can visit them and send good presents.

  3. I don’t want the lifestyle associated with having children. There are things I want to do with my life (e.g. travel extensively) that are more difficult to do with children. I’m also in a career (physics) that doesn’t have a lot of permanance, and I would have a harder time switching jobs freely or taking interesting but low-paying jobs if I had kids in school.

  4. Not really. Life is all about choices. Raising kids is not an experience that I feel I need to have before I die. I’m also not worried that I’m going to be alone when I’m older because I didn’t have kids. Kids are not the answer to late-life companionship. (I see my parents once a year.) Yes, they could help take care of me, but so can the money I save by not having them. :slight_smile:

  5. Main advantage: flexibility. Main disadvantage: fewer family members in one’s life.

  6. No, I don’t think our culture is prejudiced against childless couples. Yes, lots of people assume you’re going to have kids, but that’s not the same as prejudice.

4

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Not in so many words, but I was never a “kid person.” I babysat as a teenager, but only for a few families whose kids I could manage and got along with. I’ve just never felt a strong pull to have children in my daily life.

Do you like kids?
I like some kids, specific kids that I’ve had a chance to know and decide that I like them, same as for adult friends. I’ve noticed that our favorite kids tend to be more intelligent and mature than average.

But I’ve never been one to go ga-ga over random babies or toddlers, for example, just because they’re children. (I do, however, fall to pieces over just about any puppy . . .) I had a very uncharacteristic moment a few weeks ago, at Mr. S’s niece’s 40th birthday party. Her youngest child is about 3 months old, and this kid was so darn cute that I just HAD to hold her. I NEVER do that.

Why don’t you want children?
I like my life the way it is. The house is quiet, we can do what we want when we want, we don’t have the expense. I have no interest in changing my life around to care for a helpless person 24/7. I feel no need to procreate. I do believe in the “village to raise a child” concept, however, and we play "aunt/uncle’ to those few friends’ children who appeal to us when we can – take them with us on outings, offer advice when asked, act as role models.

However, if we were to suddenly find ourselves pregnant we would just deal with it. We have also offered to be available should the parents of those “special kids” decide they would like us to raise their children if something happens to them, because for most of them their families are NOT the first choice.

Mostly, I just recognize in advance that it’s a HUGE responsibility, one I’m not willing to take on (unless, as stated above, it becomes necessary).

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Absolutely not. I’m 34 and Mr. S is 46. He helped his mother raise some of his nieces and nephews, and he’s had his fill. I don’t see kids/grandkids as being something to fill up my retirement years. I already have plenty of plans for that!

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Advantages: See my answer to the 3rd question.
Disadvantages: Well, I do like it when my friends’ kids come over and I can make them set the table or bring me a drink. :smiley: Free labor rocks!

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
From what I read, sure. Same as the breastfeeding debate, people just stick their noses in where it doesn’t belong. But we haven’t really taken much flak for it. I guess we just don’t run in the circles that find it offensive. I suppose if I wanted to get militant, I could share the gripes about how parents get more leeway in taking time off from work to deal with their kids, get better breaks on “family” health insurance, and other complaints I’ve seen. But I haven’t really felt affected by those things, and to me it’s not worth getting worked up over.

5

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Nope. i used to figure on having two children. Growning up, there was my sister and myself and it just seemd about right. Come to think of it, most every neighbor only had two children, too, and virtually all of them had one boy, one girl. Hmmm…

Do you like kids?
In small doses, sure. I don’t spend much time around them. My sister has three boys and I see them once a year or so for a few days at a time. That works for me.

Why don’t you want children?
I realized that I’m selfish. That is, I like being able to take vacations whenever I want, come home late whenever I want, spend my money on whatever I want, cook, clean, drink, watch tv, go to a movie, go to dinner, go for a drive, go camping, go swimming…etc. whenever and whereever I want. I value my freedom.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Inasmuch as I haven’t gotten snipped yet, yes, I’m taking into consideration that I may change my mind so day.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
See my list two questions up. I don’t have to coordinate with a sitter or go see Disney movies or go to Chuck-E-Cheese’s unless I want to.

**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children? **
I do find that people seem shocked when I tell them that I don’t want children. It’s as though everyone assumes everyone else wnats them and those that don’t have them are the unlucky ones that couldn’t catch pregnant for whatever reason, rather than having made a conscious decision not to have such a major disruption in their lives. I would argue that those that feel one must have children are the ones that think the sole purpose in life is to have children. Myself, I think it’s more important to actually enjoy your own life.

More power to those that want to procreate, I have nothing against them, but given my druthers, I’d rather just practice.

6

Uh, I am, however, afraid that I regret not using a spell checker on that last entry.

7
  1. Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Yup.

  1. Do you like kids?

For the most part, no. I can appreciate the asthetic beauty of some children, especially the sleeping kind, but I generally don’t like them. After six years I’m just starting to warm up to my stepkids, who are 15 and 17.

  1. Why don’t you want children?

Hmmm. Partly 'cause I don’t like them, and know that despite what EVERYONE tells me it wouldn’t be “different if they were mine.” Partly 'cause the thought of having someone that dependent on me for that length of time is terrifying. Partly 'cause there are too many mental and physical problems that run in my and Mr. Kitty’s family to take that kind of a chance. Partly 'cause I enjoy my freedom- you can foist puppies off on a kennel or housesitting. Can’t do the same for nibblets. And partly 'cause I’m a terrifically selfish person.

  1. Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

Nope.

  1. What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Advantage: personal and financial freedom. Disadvantage: finding other single/married people to do things with.

  1. Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

Yes, I do. (I’m almost certain I’ll get flamed for this; if I do, I’ll explain myself further) I think CBC people/couples are asked to sacrifice a good bit more than their childed counterparts. I’m not talking about work situations, simply because if you believe the reports that CBC people pick up slack for childed people, it balances out when you take into account promotions and other benefits that the childed are denied. I’m talking about social/recreational situations. We are asked to put up with what frequently amounts to atrocious behavior (take a look in the Pit for all the “why are you bringing your 1 month old to a 10PM movie” threads) because they are “only children” and the parents have their heads up their asses, yet if an adult behaved the same way we’d be punted out of public gatherings fast enough to make our heads spin.

I also think people are surprisingly quick to discount someone who says they don’t want children, especially if it’s a woman. If I had a dime for every time someone said “Oh, you’ll change your mind when you’re older…”

8

Er, what I meant by “deal with it” was that we would take our nine months to get used to the idea, and then be parents to the best of our ability. I think we’d probably be pretty good at it, and I’d get a kick out of seeing Mr. S be a daddy. But it’s not our first choice, that’s all.

9

**Have you always known you don’t want kids?**Yep. Growing up I was surrounded by a rather large extended family, and frankly, I was “kidded out” at a very young age.
**Do you like kids?**Not really. I can’t hold a conversation with them; they’re noisy, cruel, careless, selfish, intrusive, annoying, dirty and they have to be watched constantly so they don’t jump off the third-floor landing or run into traffic. I know, the usual response to that is “But they’re just kids!” My point exactly.
**Why don’t you want children?**For all of the reasons above, plus one: I think that when you have a child, raising that child properly should become your first priority, your ‘Prime Directive’, so to speak. I couldn’t in all conscience have a child and fail that mission–and I don’t want that responsibility.
**Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?[**When I was 18 my mind was already made up and people would say, “Oh, you’ll change your mind when you get older.” I’m 42 now, and I still don’t want children. If I accidentally became pregnant now, I would have an abortion.
**What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?**Advantage: living my life the way I choose. Disadvantage: no one to pass on the family stories to.
**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children? **No.

10

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Not really, I assumed that a “maternal instinct” would kick in, and wondered why I wasn’t eager to babysit, didn’t feel like cooing over newborns or holding babies, and so on. Over time I came to realize that maybe this was just normal for me.

Do you like kids?

Some kids, yes; mostly relatives. I find it’s not so much a “don’t like kids” as in “don’t see the big fuss about having one of my own”.

Why don’t you want children?

I’m selfish. I like my life the way it is. I like being able to pick up and go on vacation, to go out to the movies without worrying if it’s kid-appropriate, like not needing a babysitter. I like being able to spend some quality time with my husband in the evenings, and then hop on the computer and geek out on games. I like spending our money on electronics and other stuff for us. I know that I don’t have any urges to be a parent, and don’t think it’s wise to have a child without that desire.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

Not really. I’m only 31 now; I have plenty of time yet, and am not in a good financial situation to have a child now, anyway.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Advantage: More freedom - no worries about babysitters, all of the things that need to be bought for kids, schooling, activities, playing taxi, trying to be a good rolemodel, discipline, and so on.

Disadvantage: I guess every now and then I’m touched by the tales that parents have of the joy they get from their kids, from teaching them something, that sort of thing. But I’m not willing to push against my lack of desire to have a child in hopes of feeling that way.

**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children? **

To some small extent, in that most everyone expects that you’ll want to raise children, and tend to freak out if you say you don’t want them. I’ve had some people try to push me into it - when really, all you need to do is pick up a newspaper to see that there are plenty of folks out there who have children but shouldn’t have done so because they’re just not decent parents. Why try to force others to conform if they worry about their capacity as a parent? People say “It’ll be different when you have one of your own; you’ll change.” What if I don’t? If I do something like neglect scooping out the litter box now, all that happens is that it starts smelling and my ferrets get annoyed, as does my husband. Neglecting an infant/child’s needs is something different, with more drastic implications depending on what’s being done.

11

**Have you always known you don’t want kids? ** Yes, I have always known. Alas, I have given up hoping to find a compatible woman who agrees…

**Do you like kids? ** Nope, never have.

**Why don’t you want children? ** Hmmmm, don’t mean to be flippant, but it is because I don’t like them…

**Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older? ** Not at all.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children? Prejudiced is a strong word. But certainly many people consider it odd. One of the guys at work recently told me that his wife wondered “what was wrong” with me. Such questions are common and often go hand in hand with “You mean you are 40 and never been married?” I long ago stopped worrying what other people think - life is too short to not be happy.

12

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Yes. I’ve always said never, even as young as my early teens. I’d always get the clucking response “you’ll change your mind when you get older”. So far, I’m 28 and my mind hasn’t changed. That’s not to say it won’t, but I don’t seem to be approaching any softening.

Do you like kids?

I feel bad saying no, but it’s the truth. I don’t feel comfortable around them, I don’t know what to do or what to say. I’m an only child, and babysat literally once in my life. I’m also not interested in the smelly and noisy parts of kids, either.

Why don’t you want children?

You can probably figure most of my answer is based on my reply to the above - I don’t feel comfortable around kids, therefore I have no intention of putting myself in a position to be around one constantly. I don’t have any maternal urges right now. I also like to have the freedom to pursue my own interests and my own life, and not have to attend to the care, feeding and emotional development of another human being.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

I don’t think so. Since I haven’t fully “committed” to not having kids yet (i.e. I still have a uterus and am, as far as I know, fertile), I would guess that if I change my mind, I’ll have a child. But if the mind doesn’t change until I’m 60 and beyond childbearing age? Well, I suppose that’s a risk I’ll have to take. I think it would be worse to have a child when I really didn’t want one, than to not have one, and look back as an old lady and wish that I did. At least for the child’s sake anyway.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

I have the ability to enjoy my life as I want it. Having or not having kids is a personal decision, and there really is no advantage/disadvantage in my book. Meaning, it’s advantageous for me to not have children, because it doesn’t fit what I want out of life. It was advantageous for my boss to have a child, because what he wants from life is family and a house full of kids. The fact that he comes in tired because she wakes up crying at 2 a.m. is not a “disadvantage” per se, it’s what he has elected to live with by being a father.

**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (esp. married people) who don’t have or want children? **

I don’t know if I’d use the word “prejudiced” exactly, but I definitely think there is a societal pressure or expectation to reproduce. I’m trying to not let it interfere with my individual life.

13

Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Not really. As a teenager I figured I’d either marry into kids or adopt. In my early 30’s I decided I didn’t want kids and I had a vasectomy 4 years ago.

Do you like kids?

Yep. And kids like me. I’ve always been told that I’m good with kids. I make my living (in part) teaching teachers how to work with kids with severe disabilities or behavior problems, or both. I sometimes think that not having kids gives me a different perspective on this.

Why don’t you want children?

I’d still marry into teenagers. But in 11 years I can take my pension (at age 52) and do something else. That would be harder to do if I was paying for college.

I like the freedom of not having kids so that I can go do stuff. I also like have the $$ that I wouldn’t have if I had kids.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

Nope. When my friends are busting butt to put their kids through college, I plan to be working 1/2 or 3/4 time and doing a lot of recreation and travel.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Advantage - $$, free time, lack of responsibility.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?

Not that I’ve noticed. Guys say, “I love my kids, but I wish I could fish, ski, float, travel as much as you do.” Women don’t seem to care. My mom has never mentioned it. Most of the time it never comes up. I sometimes think I’m one of the few 40 year old males who isn’t paying child support.

Whistlepig

14

**Have you always known you don’t want kids? **
Yes. There was a period in my super-Christian-religious phase (age 16-17) where I wanted 5-6 kids, stay at home, be June Cleaver, etc., but that was over in a year or two. Essentially, as long as I can remember, I’ve had no interest in being a mom. I’ve never felt an “ooh-ohh” cooey-ness when it comes to babies, and actually am a little uncomfortable around them. I didn’t have baby dolls as a kid, and always aspired to do all kinds of things in my life–but I’ve not once in my life felt a nudge of “Ooh, I want one!” at the sight of an infant.

**Do you like kids? **
I adore them! I’m a teacher, after all. I find them refreshing. Of course, I also find the summer refreshing. :slight_smile:

**Why don’t you want children? **
Um…just not interested in it. I just want to do other things with my life, at least up to this point.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Not really. Since I’ve always, more or less, not wanted children, I don’t anticipate it changing much in 30 years. Hell, I may change my mind in a few years. Technically, we’re not in the “don’t want 'em ever” camp–we’re more “don’t want them now, aren’t sure we’ll want them later.” Plus, considering everyone in my family is usually sterile or close to it at age 30–and I’m 29–I’m aware I may not be able to have kids. I’m okay with that; I’ve known about it since I was 17.

**What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children? **
I don’t see it as “advantage/disadvantage.” I see it as personal preference. It’s a major life change, one I feel should be completely desired of the heart. I believe it would be questionable in my case to have a baby “because that’s what people do.”

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
Not at the moment, no. Our families have been very understanding and non-pressuring, thankfully. I’m younger, too, so I haven’t felt the full throttle of assault in this area just yet, although everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant–and finding it the only thing to talk about. Yeeeeeeeep!

And of course, like I said, we may well end up wanting a baby sometime in the next few years. And heck, if the birth control failed and I got pregnant, it wouldn’t be the end of the world; we’d adjust. But right now, I (we) like our life “renting” children–work with them all day, then send them home. :wink:

(I’ve heard it said–and there is some grain of truth to it–that there is no greater form of birth control than being a teacher.)

15

**Have you always known you don’t want kids? **
No. Until a few years ago, I left it open as a likelihood.

**Do you like kids? **
Yep! As long as I can return them to whomever when I’m worn out.

**Why don’t you want children? **
From what I’ve seen, once you have a kid, that child becomes your entire life (moreso for females, I think.) I feel like I have too much to do with my life. It took me about 20 years to be able to take care of myself; I don’t think I want to have to take care of someone else for 20 years. Also, parts of my childhood really sucked, and the thought of bringing someone into the world that might have to go through some of the crap I did makes me sad.

**Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older? **
It’s crossed my mind, but I also leave the option open of adopting/having a foster child when I’m older, in my 40’s. (due to varying medical problems, having biological children of my own isn’t the best idea) My family also has a predisposition towards obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and depression, and my mother has polycystic kidney disease, a genetic disorder. I have a 50/50 chance of developing this debilitating disease in about 15 years. If I have it, my children would have the same 50/50 chance of inheriting the disorder.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Advantages: You have more time to enjoy your own life. There are less limitations on what you can do; if I want to pick up and move, I don’t have to worry about uprooting my kid from school/friends/etc. Cats and dogs adapt much better. :wink: There is no concern about finding a babysitter when you want to go out.

Disadvantages: You never have that “family unit” that other parts of your extended family have. Your friends that have kids are suddenly much less accessible, as they’re spending time with their new families. All the talk revolves around kids much of the time, and you’re left out of that. I don’t want to become one of those people that uses their pets as surrogate children, just for conversation.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (esp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
YES! Since making my desire to not have children known, I’ve encountered a lot of… stupidity? “You’ll change your mind later.” (well, no, I don’t think I will, but if I decide to that’s my business, so shut up.) “Not having children is selfish.” (What? Having children only because it’s what you’re “supposed to do” is selfish, in my opinion. Not having kids doesn’t reflect on how selfish or unselfish you are.) “But don’t you want to see the little babyfingers and see cute kids toddle around, etc?” (mainly from my boyfriend’s mother. If I want to see that, plenty of my friends will have kids. I’ll admire their cuteness, and then return them when it’s time to have their diapers changed. I think trying to talk someone who doesn’t want children into wanting them is a bad idea. How’re they going to feel a year later when they realized their decision was right for them all along?) I don’t begrudge my friends/family who want to have children their choice, why must they act like I’m spitting in the face of parenthood with my choice?

16

I used to assume that I’d have a couple of kids, but until I was in my early 20’s I don’t think I ever really thought about whether I actually WANTED them. It was more that I’d always had it ingrained that life followed a certain natural progression: you finish HS, go to college, find a job, get married, have kids, retire, and die. As I thought about it, I realized I didn’t really have all that much interest in raising children. I like kids well enough, but after a few hours I’m ready to send them home. I don’t want them because I’m just not fulfilled by Mommy detail, and you shouldn’t make a lifelong commitment to something that you’re not interested in.

I don’t think I’ll regret not having kids any more than I’ll regret not being an accountant. I’ve got about as much interest in one as I do the other. Actually, I’m so sure I won’t regret it that I want to be sterilized, but no doctor’s willing to even discuss it at my age. Don’t get me started on that one.

The advantages of being childfree? I’m doing what’s right for me and my life. The disadvantages? The nosy people who assume that I’ll change my mind, or that I must be infertile and putting on a brave face about it. The folks who tell me in great detail how great kids are and how I’ll feel differently when I have them. And, of course, the people who act I’m the antiChrist for not thinking kids are just the most wonderful thing in the world.

As far as prejudice against the childfree, it really depends on how you define prejudice. I never get to leave early for stuff I want to go to, but my coworkers can leave early pretty often to go to Little League games and stuff. Little stuff like that doesn’t really bother me, though, because I don’t have to stay late, I just don’t get to leave early. What does piss me off, though, is the group of people on this board who will start foaming at the mouth when anyone says something they interpret as being even remotely anti-child or anti-parent. Start an “I hate kids” thread and stand back to watch the venomous responses pour in.

17

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
Ever since I can remember. Even when I was a very small child I didn’t like baby dolls and found younger children (babies and toddlers) to be boring. I have zero maternal instinct, unless you count my feelings toward cats and kittens.

Do you like kids?
There are a few individual kids I like, and these tend to be either older, intelligent, quiet, bookloving, or some combination of the above. I don’t like babies and will actively avoid toddlers. The older a kid gets the more likely I am to like them–when they get to the age when they can carry on an intelligent conversation. I have no patience with little kids and their interests.

Why don’t you want children?
Lots of reasons. Mainly because, while I’m female, I don’t identify particularly with ‘female’ behavior. I don’t like kids, am not particularly nurturing, and prefer traditionally male pastimes for the most part. The thought of having this helpless being that’s utterly dependent on me for its existence scares the hell out of me. At least the cats can take care of themselves. Plus, I don’t get any of the ‘positives’ that are supposed to come with childrearing–I don’t think babies are cute nor do I think kid-antics are endearing. Further, as another poster pointed out, women are expected by society to submerge their lives when they become mothers–‘mommy uber alles’. I have far too many personal interests to have them take a backseat to a kid for years. Finally, all the physiological issues involved just make me shudder. Me? Pregnant? Not only is it not going to happen, but it can’t happen. I’m not like that. (Actually the spouse got fixed so this isn’t technically correct, but you get the picture.)

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Nope. For one thing, the spouse has a huge family (3 siblings with 9 kids between them) so if I want kid-interaction, it’s ready-made (but far enough away from us so it’s not forced). But there’s no guarantee that kids will take care of you when you’re old anyway.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
Advantages: My life is my own. My free time is my own. I don’t have anybody dependent on me for their existence. I can live spontaneously (not that I do very often, but I can). I don’t have to keep a schedule to accommodate somebody else’s needs–well, the spouse and the cats, yeah, but they’re all pretty self-sufficient. I’m not following the script.
Disadvantages: Very rarely I think it would be fun to teach a kid about life, watch them discover the world, that sort of thing. But it never lasts long. Too many downsides to support this single upside. I think if I were male I would probably make a decent father, but I would be a terrible mother.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
Yes, very much so, although to be truthful I haven’t experienced much of it personally. I guess I just don’t put out the ‘mommy’ vibe. Fortunately my parents are cool with my decision (not that it would matter, but it’s nice to have their support).

Nice to see such a strong showing of the childfree. :slight_smile:

18

Have you always known you don’t want kids?
I have always known that I never wanted kids.

Anecdote: When I was eight years old, a friend of mine gave me some not-quite-accurate information on menstruation. I thought it was a horrible, bloody affliction from which you suffered and ultimately succumbed if you were female and never had kids. I burst into tears because I didn’t ever want to have a baby and it looked like such an awful way for me to die.

Do you like kids?
I can tolerate them in limited doses. Unless they are bratty (the “gimme, gimme, gimme” kind of bratty.)

Why don’t you want children?
Simply don’t have any maternal desire for them and never have.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?
Not at all. I know I will be much, much happier without them. If I ever expressed a desire to have children, my mother would have me committed because it would be a clear indication that I was no longer myself and had lost my mind.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?
I see no disadvantage at all. Without children, I am free to live my life from moment to moment. I can be spontaneous – I don’t have to build my schedule around them. My finances are not taxed. My privacy is not compromised. AND I don’t have to share any of my toys. Note: I travel a LOT and tend to do so quite spontaneously (ie/ somehow, I start driving home from work… and end up in antoher country!). Difficult enough with pets, impossible with children.

**Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children? **
Mildly. Poeple literally laugh at me when I say I don’t want kids. Especially women who seem to think it’s hysterically funny, raise their eyebrows knowingly and say: “Well, you may say that now…” as if I’ll change my mind. I won’t. If I was still in a hetero relationship, I would have had my tubes tied by now. (I’m 30.)

A good friend of mine had her tubes tied at the age of 26. The lack of support and grief she got. Her parents were very supportive (because she always hated children) and so was her sister. But most other people, co-workers etc. were outraged.

Additional info: My mother is quite supportive of this. I am an only child and sometimes people voice dismay and ask her “but, don’t you want to be a grandmother???” to which my mother responds: “well, I don’t really think that’s my decision to make…”

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Have you always known you don’t want kids?

Yeah, pretty much. But then, there was a time in my life when I was never going to get married. (I think I got over that when I was twelve, though.)

Do you like kids?

Nah, not really. I don’t communicate well with them, even older kids. And as for the little ones, I can’t figure out how to get them to do what I want them to (mainly, stop running around and making noise, for the love of mike!) In general, I feel uncomfortable being around them. This could change if I spent more time around them. I am not eager to find out. I don’t like to be around yelling, screaming, or crying, and children seem to do these things a lot more than adults.

Why don’t you want children?

I can accept intellectually that watching your children grow is the most rewarding thing in human life, but I just can’t connect up emotionally with that. I get a lot of small rewards from a lot of different activities, and none of them seems a tenth as difficult as raising kids. I remember what it was like being a kid, and, all in all, I don’t tend to remember the happy things as much as I remember being ignorant and awkward and too young to do the things I want and in a terrible hurry to grow up as fast as possible so I could get this awful childhood/puberty thing over with . . . ugh . . . don’t even talk to me about puberty. It was difficult being a child, and it seems to me it would have been difficult being around me as a child, though my sainted mother denies this.

Are you afraid you will regret this decision when you get older?

The door is still open. I’m 28 now. If I want kids at 35, I’ll have kids at 35. I used to say that I’d probably decide I want them the first time my biological clock ticks. While that looks less and less likely as time goes by, I have not closed the door on the possiblity.

What do you see as the main advantage / disadvantage of not having children?

Advantage: Freeeeedom! Blessed freeeeedom! Freedom in how I spend my money. Freedom in how I spend my time. Freedom to swear whenever I want. Freedom to keep dangerous poisons under the sink without locking the cabinet. Freedom to play games with small pieces not recommended for children under three. Freedom from worrying whether the kid is safe and healthy. (And I’m a big worrier . . . that’s what’d really kill me.) My husband claims that if we had kids, he would do the majority of the childrearin’ so I wouldn’t have as much responsibility . . . and that makes me feel even worse. As a woman, I would feel guilty shouldering anything less than 50% of the burden. Sexist, I know, but shrug it’s my uterus talking, not my brain.

Disadvantage: I think it’d be really keen to watch a child’s mind grow, and to nurture it. We spent a long weekend with my friend’s family, and her little boy, about 2 years old, learned my name in the course of the weekend, and figured out that I would make cool tractor sounds if he brought me his tractor book to read to him. I found that absolutely fascinating. I sometimes find myself fantasizing over what books I would read to a child if I had one, what songs I would sing at bedtime, what fun games we could play together. (Another reason I shouldn’t have kids: I would certainly hog the all the Legos and make the kid cry.) And I think about the discussions I had with my mother about religion and politics and philosophy . . . thinking back as an adult, I just get more impressed with her, because she had a way of gently suggesting alternate viewpoints that was really very subversive. :slight_smile: My mom was cool (though I didn’t suspect it at the time), and I sometimes think I’d like to be that sort of cool person in a kid’s life.

Do you feel that your culture is prejudiced against people (asp. married people) who don’t have or want children?
I’m getting a little more irritated with the “Oh, you’ll want them someday,” attitude. I used to answer with, “probably”–sorry, guys, I didn’t know at the time I was just encouraging Them–and nowadays I just say, “perhaps.” I’m sure in a few years, the answer will become, “Thank you for telling me my own mind. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I don’t like the idea that childless people get the short end of the stick in the workplace sometimes–parents, after all, have chosen to become parents, and there’s no reason why their childless colleagues should be granted less flexibility and consideration because they had the foresight not to box themselves in with a passel of kids–but it doesn’t happen to me, so I can’t really complain.

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Oh, and for the record:

I tend to get along well with young children (4 and under), because we like the same toys and making a mess with crayons. I find the development of small children (going from crawling to toddler mode) fascinating. But then I also found the development of my baby foster-raccoons to be just as fascinating and for the same reasons.

And if I ever had to become a parent – say Big Brother would send stormtoopers to drag me away if I didn’t – I would adopt a special-needs child.