For those of you who have children, are you honestly glad you had them or do you think back to those days before becoming “Mom” or “Dad” and secretly regret your decision to become a parent? Now that you’ve thought about it…are you really sure you’re glad or are you just afraid to admit that you enjoyed your life more before, but by admitting it you somehow curse your children to some unforeseen doom?
And please try to stay away from answers along the lines of, “There are advantages and disadvantages to having kids, etc.” I’m speaking solely of your overall feeling.
I don’t have kids, because I knew without ever doing it I’d regret it.
I think a fairly large number of people aren’t crazy about the responsibility and work of parenting, while still being passionate about their children. Most people would have a hard time separating they way they love their children from the job of being a parent. I’ll be intersted to see the responses.
This is a bit of a diversion from the OP, but what the hooo!!
Over the past year or so, I’ve begun wishing I hadn’t rushed into an engineering career. It started off because I was really into cars and bikes and had this romantic idea that I’d study engineering and then make my own car!! Reality, as I’ve learnt, is a whole different ball game!! Over the past two years, I’ve been exposed to so many other professions that I think I would enjoy doing much more than what I’m currently qualified for, and can’t help but think, “what if?”.
And no, this is not a mid-life crisis - I’m not even 26!!
That’s funny, gouda, I thought that very same thing about engineering for the very same reason. I used to think how neat it would be to design my very own car. But…I was lucky enough to see the “entirely different ballgame” well before graduation. I saw the extent of engineering more in the lines of designing one very small facet of the automobile such as the very tiny explosive devise for the ejection mechanism of the airbag…a far cry from overall design. In fact, I took a very very long time deciding while going off to explore other options. Good luck to you in your search.
hmmmm…
I don’t have kids, nor do i want any. Made up my mind quite firmly about that.
My mother once told me if she had to do it over again, she wouldn’t have kids, that time around.
My parents are still together (married 32 years) but I know were it not for the fact that they had 3 kids, they would’ve split up ages ago.
So when she told me she wouldn’t have any the second time around, I can definitely understand, and did not take it personally. I think my mother would have been a lot happier and freer if she had had the option of walking out on her marriage (my mother has hardly any family of her own, so when things turned sour in their marriage, the only place where she could occasionally go to get away from home, were my father’s relatives… not ideal situation).
So, in short, she loves the three of us, doesn’t regret having us per sé, but definitely regrets the restrictions and limitations of movement and freedom having kids brought with it.
Both my sisters have 1 child, and I know it takes a lot of time and money and attention. I just know I don’t have that kind of patience in me, and I prefer spending my life on me and my SO.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my little nieces to bits, but it doesn’t in any way incline me to have my own…
I don’t regret having them, but sometimes I feel like a bad mommy because I resent all of the work that’s added on. For instance, it’s not their fault, but when they get sick all of my plans need to be changed and it’s a hassle. Another example is that I made plans for my birthday this year, but now I got a letter about a school function on that day so I need to cancel my birthday plans.
So, no I don’t ever wish they weren’t here, but I wish it were a lot easier. And yes, I feel like I’m cursing them by even saying that much
I love the job of being a mommy, but sometimes I really do miss the days when I could just take off on a whim. I’m a bit of a loner, and really value my time by myself. I also really, really miss going out after work with friends for a beer whenever I want (now I have to pick her up from daycare), and going to nice restaurants on the spur of the moment.
I find ways to get my alone fix now and then, though. Today is one of those times. I don’t work on Fridays (so that I can spend MORE time with my daughter), but today I took her to daycare and plan to spend the day doing yard work, then maybe getting a pedicure.
I have a week off in a couple of weeks, and I’ll be taking her to daycare that week too.
I do feel sort of guilty, but I know in my heart that I’ll be a better mommy when I’m with her if I give myself this time. Geesh, that sounds so “Oprah”, but it’s absolutely true.
Oooh, maybe instead of a pedicure I’ll go hang out in a bar and play NTN trivia.
I love being a daddy. My little boy has added so much to my world…he has single handedly changed my entire perspective on life, the universe, and everything. Seeing things through his eyes, as he learns and explores, is one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. Watching him play, hearing him laugh, seeing him think and grow…this brings me more joy than anything I have ever known.
Do I sometimes miss the freedom of not being a parent? Sure…it made things easy…but at the same time, when I look back at the times when I wasn’t a parent, I see how very little I appreciated that freedom. I threw away a lot of time on worthless endeavors, I piddled away my life doing nothing of consequence. Now, I truly cherish and enjoy my time, and the things I get to do. When I do have free time, I spend it productively, getting things accomplished that I would have ignored before.
So no…despite the trials of parenthood, I would never wish that I were once again without a child. My boy is my life, and I am strengthened by him.
Never regretted having a kid, never wished I hadn’t, often wished I’d had another, but it was not to be. We’ve kidded with her for the last few years about getting her out of the house when she turns 18, but, truly, it’s just our way of getting her to think about life on her own.
Every choice we’ve made, whether it was a purchase, a job, a move, a vacation, a pet, had positives and negatives. Knowing what we know now, we’d have changed some of those choices, but not about the kid. She’s added so much to our lives, I can’t imagine what it would have been like without her.
Another parent chiming in - two kids under 5. I add my voice to posters like NutMagnet, Morgainelf, and Dragongirl, who basically say “I love my children and would not change my decision, but the amount of work and time they require can get me down sometimes”.
At essence, I agree with Woeg - my children are my life. Spending time with them when we really connect helps me make sense of this economically and geopolitically bizarre and difficult world we are in right now…
Good way to put it, WordMan. Nothing grounds me better than stopping what I’m doing to play hide and seek. Or just making dinner instead of getting Chinese take-out, because I know that she’d prefer mac and cheese over fried rice.
Becoming a mom has really forced me to be a better person. I put more thought into what I do, I’m not nearly as selfish as I was, and I am much more concerned with the community. It’s changed my whole perspective on life.
I would never go back and undo having children. That said, like other posters, there are days when I say to myself, “why the hell did I do this? My life would be so much easier without them.” And then I feel really bad for having thought it. But I think it’s normal, and it’s good to know other people have those days, too. The idealized image of parenthood is this person wholly and unselfishly devoted to their children with never a second thought–I’m devoted, I love my children, but sometimes I just don’t measure up to that ideal. I can’t, I’m human and sometimes I get so angry with my kids I can hardly believe it. I used to think there was something wrong with me because of it, but eventually I realized that it’s just one of those things people don’t talk about.
My chief regret is that I didn’t have them sooner. Sometimes they are a pain, and they are always work, but the reward far outstrips the effort. I also wish that modern US society had left us closer to family so that we could be more involved with granparents, aunts and uncles, have the occasional dropoff with Grandma, etc. We might rectify that last bit soon.
Lasdt night, as I’m putting MilliCal to bed, I picked up one of those spring-loaded hair things, lying carelessly on the floor (these are those cloth- or paper-covered metal strips that are bent slightly concave longitudinally, like a tape measure, so that they’ll stay extended. If you bend them in the middle, though, they instantly roll up. They hold your hair in place, but they’re even more fun to “snap” over your wrists). Kids! I put it on her dresser. MilliCal immediately got out of bed, retrieved it, and put it carefully back on the floor, just past the door.
“Noooo, Daddy! Leave that there! It’s my alarm!”
“Your Alarm?”
“Yes. When they come into the room they’ll step on it, and it will snap around their foot, and they’ll leave.”
I’m amazed at what she comes up with. Wouldn’t rtrade it for anything.
There are times I wish she’d just go away for 48 hours, or go into hibernation, so Pepper Mill and I can have some time alone, and not have to watch so much kid’s TV. But it’s only our fault we haven’t made enough use of babysitters.
This morning I got up in the dark, obscenely early, as usual, to go to work. I got dressed and fed the cats and scooped the litter boxes and kissed Pepper Mill goodbye and went in to blow a kiss to MilliCal (so I wouldn’t wake her).
