Non sports fans - share what you know about sports

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This was inspired by a television character who didn’t know basic things about sports (Niles Crane who, for example, thought a football was called a "football ball) if anyone is wondering). Obviously they played his ignorance up for jokes, but it made me wonder how little a person could how little information on sports a person could go through life without learning through gym class, osmosis etc.

Tell me how much you understand (you can list rules, terminology etc.) about the popular sports in your corner of the world.

I thought about putting this in the game room, but it’s not truly about the sports themselves and the target audience probably wouldn’t see it.

2

Well, I know I don’t want to see any more of them on TV, ever…

Actually, I made an effort to learn about football when I was younger, so I understand that sufficiently to follow along if I wanted to.

I also accidentally picked up some team names, what city they belong to, and what game they play.

3

NFL - a bunch of very rich, very large men give each other knee injuries.

NBA - a bunch of very rich, very tall men run back and forth throwing a ball thru a hoop with a a piece of veil hanging off it. You can’t take more than three steps without bouncing the ball unless your contract is for more than $10 million a year - that’s called “traveling”. I think it is a league rule that you must sire one illegitimate child or be arrested for carrying a gun every two years.

NHL - Canadians skating back and forth on ice with sticks. Periodically they get into fights.

Boxing - like hockey, except there are no Canadians, no sticks, and no ice.

NASCAR - people drive in circles for sport while being watched by people who drive in circles because of alcohol.

MLB - rich people hit balls, run around in circles, spit, and scratch themselves in public.

Soccer - people run back and forth not touching a ball with their hands, and not scoring any points as a result.

Regards,
Shodan

4

I don’t like the offsides rule in soccer and hockey. So what if an opponent can just sit in front of the goalie and wait for a ball or puck? Send someone there to defend against him! Or two, whatever.

Why can’t some NASCAR races go clockwise?

5

Because then they’d have to learn to make right turns. How much do you expect from those guys? Sheesh!

6

Since the drivers are sitting on the left side of the car, visibility is better if they’re turning counterclockwise.

7

I’ve been playing rugby for about eight months now and I am still trying to figure it out.

8

I know the basic rules of baseball and football. But I think I qualify as ignorant of the rules of basketball and hockey.

What I know about basketball:

  1. There are two teams of five men.
  2. You can’t carry the ball. You have to either dribble it while you’re moving or pass it to another player.
  3. I think there’s a rule that says you can’t have possession of the ball for more than twenty four seconds without taking a shot at the basket.
  4. If there’s a foul, you get to make a free shot from the foul line. Sometimes you get two foul shots.
  5. Basketball games usually have high scores that stay very close until the final minutes of the game.

What I know about hockey:

  1. A game lasts for three periods.
  2. There are rules about where the players can be in the rink. You can’t be on the wrong side from where the puck is.
  3. Each team has a goalie who has special rules about where he can be and what he can do with the puck.
  4. If a player makes a penalty he has to sit out part of the game and his team has to play a man short.
  5. Sometimes you can free shots at the goal if you suffer a penalty. I think the goalie can try to block you but the other players can’t interfere.
9

That’s old fashioned football. The big thing nowadays is giving each other brain injuries.