Nonbelieving parents of young children: do you do anyhing special to keep your children from ...

In My Humble Opinion
1

becoming religious?

Nonbelieving is a catch-all for atheist/agnostic/misotheist/apatheist. I’m sure someone will point out a term I missed.

As some of you may know I have a young child. My wife & I have agreed that she won’t be exposed to church until she’s at least twelve years old, and while we will try to teach her not simply about morals and ethics but also about religious traditions, the Christian Bible will be treated no different than the Homer, Padraic Colum, and so forth: a set of stories that have influenced our culture, some quite useful and some full of shit. As a consequence of this decision, we don’t let my sisters babysit her on Sundays unless they agree that trips to church are out of the question. Of course, at my daughter’s current age, it’s likely that sermons and Sunday school lessons would wash like a light drizzle; it’s mostly that we want to set a precedent.

But that’s just me. Nonbelieving parents–particularly of children between, say, 3 and 14–do you do anything to discourage religiosity in your children? If so, what? Do you feel any pressure from family, friends, and others to do otherwise?

Poll in a moment, but don’t let that slow you down.

2

You know, I had the same thoughts. Apparently twice!

Now?

Sophia is entering her 6th year of Catholic school and has been altar-serving for the past 3 years.

How did this happen? I don’t know… it just did. :eek:

:wink:

I guess my option would be “I’m a religious apatheist, but my daughter is her own person. Also, the schools are better.”

3

I don’t have kids, so I can’t really comment on exactly what you’re asking.

What I can say is that I and my 4 siblings were all brought up by my very-Catholic mother and my very-Atheist father. He agreed to let her bring us up Catholic, so we went to church, went to Catholic schools, and though he didn’t hide that he thought the church was a bunch of bunk, he didn’t actively try to discourage us from believing.

Now we’re all grown up. The result? My Dad won, with every one of us. Nobody goes to church, nobody raised their kids Catholic (or religious at all), and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only downright Atheist in the bunch. If anything, all that exposure pushed us away from the church.

4

My kids used to go with their friends to church sometimes (usually lured by pizza and arts n crafts). I always told them they better not come home saved! Then I’d remind them of the Simpsons episode where Flanders is trying to baptize the Simpson kids and Homer dives in to save Bart at the last moment.

5

What I did about it was introduce them to religion. It worked pretty well. They participate in activites at a Quaker Meeting, but they aren’t really into the religion thing.

6

My whole family is non-religious so it isn’t really a concern for me. I did get a note put into the custody order with my oldest’s father that his mother would not be allowed to take the boy to church but that’s because she told my ex’s 8 and 9 year old niece and nephew that I was going to hell because I was pregnant but not married and one day about 4 years later my preschooler came home from a weekend visit with his father worried about his soul because his parents were never married. If she wasn’t crazy I probably wouldn’t have cared.

7

You really don’t have to do anything other than let them be exposed to the hypocrisy that is most religions. My ex-wife required them to go to catholic services every Sunday and on religious holy days. They hated it, and by age 18 ran screaming from anything to do with the church. Makes a dad proud, it does.

8

I pretty much did things the way you’re planning on, Skald. My kids are 13 and 10 now (I’m so OLD!) and the oldest is an atheist. The youngest isn’t religious, but is kind of interested in spiritual stuff generally. She has a big imagination though, and she gets it all kind of muddled up with magic, which she really really wants to be real. She’s at that funny age where she knows she’s growing up and is resisting it, HARD, so she’s sort of into believing in fairies and stuff. It doesn’t worry me.

When they were smaller my mom wanted to take them to church. Her church is pretty liberal (Disciples of Christ) and she and I have a … difficult relationship, so I decided this was not a battle I felt like fighting. After all, I went to church and look at me! It was a smart move; when they got older they hated it and refused to go. I obviously wasn’t going to make them, and that was the end of it. Incidentally, my mother has left the faith now as well.

I have always strongly stressed morals and ethics, and tried to teach them how to logically deduce the best course of action in a given scenario. Rather than teach them rules like religion does, I try to give them the tools they need to make their own choices. If one day that choice is to be religious, I can’t say I won’t be a little baffled, but I’ll accept it. I really really doubt that will happen though.

Also, specific to your circumstances, living as an atheist in the south is hard, and it needs special instruction for kids, in my opinion. My kids understand that people will NOT accept their disbelief, and that they may lose friends over it. Obviously we don’t make fun of someone’s beliefs, that’s just basic manners, but I’ve stressed to them how very very upset people get over this topic. I’ve told them that it’s their decision how open they want to be about their (lack of) beliefs, and that I support them no matter what. Currently my oldest is pretty closeted about his atheism. In school situations when it gets muddled (he’s had teachers talking about Jesus in class for example, and yes this is a public school) I’ve told him that if he wants to stand up and try to change things, I will stand beside him 100% all the way, but that I cannot protect him from the fallout, which could be severe. So far he’s chosen to be silent, and I respect that.

Right now my only issue is with their dad (we’re divorced) because he started dating a Christian girl and now he’s trying to pretend he’s always been religious. Of course, my kids are kind of outing him. For example, he’ll mention how he goes to church, and they’ll say “no you don’t”. They’ve been with me all summer, so it’s at a simmer now, but I’m afraid it will get ugly when school starts soon and they are staying with him again. Ughhhh. But, that’s a separate issue I hope you never have to deal with, and I don’t want to go off on a tangent about what a stupid asshole he is. :slight_smile:
eta: there’s a REALLY great kids book by Dawkins called The Magic of Reality about science and history and evolution and religion. I bought it for my son a few years ago and he loved it. Your kid is probably too little now, but (despite his reputation) I found it deals with this stuff in a really good way. You might want to pick it up

9

When my ex and I divorced neither of us went to church nor were religious. We actually didn’t baptize either of the kids even though her grandmother really wanted us to.

When she started to date her now husband she started taking the kids to church and Sunday school but never told me. My kids started asking me all sorts of questions that I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know what they were learning.

For now I don’t say anything about god or such things, I will try and answer their questions as best as I can. What I find to be really funny though is that I had my oldest, she’s 7, out and she saw a statue of Jesus on the cross and she asked who he was. :confused: I’m guessing they don’t teach them very well in Sunday school if she hasn’t learned that in the last two years.

10

My ex believes I guess but never really went to church. We were both raised in not very strict Catholic families. I was required to go to church and CCD until confirmation then I stopped going. I tend to not use any of the terms you use. I generally just call myself non-religious. The subject barely enters my mind.

When the kids were young we decided to get them baptized, mostly for the family. The ex decided on the close by Lutheran church which she liked better than the Catholic one. I think she intended to start to go to church more but it didn’t work out that way.

When they are with me the subject has rarely came up. A little while ago I was asked, “Dad are we Lutheran?” I said, “Your mother and I were both raised Catholic. You were baptized in a Lutheran church but we never really went to it. I never go to church. If you decide you want to go to church that is your decision.” I really don’t think church will be able to compete with sleeping in on Sunday.

And I don’t like cheesecake.

11

So what you’re saying here is that you’re a Communist?

12

Difficult to answer. I’m a nonbeliever but I think it’s really important the kids have at least a utilitarian grasp of the old & new testaments if for no other reason than so much of our culture draws on those writings. I mean, Year One is funny because it’s got Jack Black in it and he’s a funny guy. But it’s a completely different movie if you know the biblical references. Same with Life of Brian, Moby Dick, Italy, etc. And I really don’t care if they get God and that helps them to get through life. All I’ve taught them is to keep asking “why?” and to do as much as they can to form their own opinions about things. Religion is really only dangerous when adherents stop thinking and just listen & obey. And that kind of mindset is dangerous in politics, friendships, and all kinds of other stuff.

13

I don’t really do anything beyond letting them know I am a non-believer, and hoping that they respect me enough that they will understand that you don’t have to be religious to be a good person, and that smart people, knowledgeable people are often non-believers. (I think they do think I am smart, perhaps giving me more credit there than I am due.)

14

I put on a god mask and occasionally roam the house in the dark screaming

15

When my kids were younger, I would tell them about different world religions, sometimes as bedtime stories. I tried to be non-biased in my explanations, although some selection bias was certainly there. We didn’t discuss our non-belief, just what other people believed. This was somewhat out of childhood curiosity, sometimes to explain stuff going on in the world (like 9/11) and partially so that they wouldn’t be ignorant about this aspect of life, which is always going to be out there, whether one believes in it or not.

Occasionally I’d ask them if they ever wanted to go mass with Grandma. Neither ever took me up on the offer. I think that my daughter went to some church group stuff with one or two of her friends, but none of it took, and both have ended up as rational human beings.

ETA: Not sure which survey choice that would put me in, so I didn’t answer the poll or get a cheesecake.

16

My eight year old daughter’s (public) school has a church based youth center next door and they allow the people from the center to walk kids over to play games after school. My daughter really wanted to go but I refused because I don’t want her involved in anything church-related. It’s bad enough she comes home sad because some kid told her if she’s not a Christian she’s going to Hell to burn up forever. I don’t want to send her in to an environment where they’ll hammer it into her head while feeding her cookies and telling her she can be part of their special club if she just accepts their god as her savior. I don’t think my decision is being anal but maybe someone else might see it a different way.

17

My kids are long grown, but I can tell you what we did do. My wife has no more religious belief than me, but she did like to teach them certain traditions. So we fasted on Yom Kippur (me more for solidarity than any real reason), we had seders (she led them because I wasn’t interested) and lit candles for Hanukah. And that was it. We simply didn’t mention actual religion in the sense of worshiping God or ever mentioned God, in fact. It wasn’t all that different in the home I grew up in, as a matter of fact. And it seems to be the same for two of my kids. The third one married a fairly religious woman and she goes to church most Sundays and usually takes their 6 year old with her. I wonder what will happen when he realizes his father has no interest in it.

18

Love it.

19

In Aus it’s really not an issue, we’re not really an overly religious country.

I made sure my kids were aware of the bible and religious concepts, I had them do religious instruction in primary school for a while. Each in turn asked not to go anymore as they didn’t like it, and I agreed.

The important thing for me was to not push them either way. I’m not religious, if they decided to be that’s cool. I figure if they had exposure to it as a kid and made up their own mind they were less likely to get brainwashed as an adult.

Basically the only times I’ve been in a church in the last 40 years or so has been for either weddings or funerals, ditto with my kids and all of my relatives as far as I know.

20

I mostly just do my best to avoid exposing the kid to blows to the head and heavy metals. With any luck his brain still will be mostly operational when he grows up. At this point militant agnosticism should manifest naturally.