Not having the best week of my life

Some of you may remember that I moved my mother from San Diego to an assisted living facility in Texas almost three years ago. About a month ago, she started fading, nothing wrong with her, no cancer, no broken bones, but yesterday morning she passed away. She was 93 and was a troubled, unhappy person most of her life. The last couple of weeks she was hanging on by a thread, not in pain, not medicated, lucid when she was awake, so it was what people call a “good death.” Sadly, and unlike others here who have told of deceased parents, I’m not likely to miss her as she was not much a part of my life. But I did right by her in these last three years and was a good and dutiful daughter.

I wasn’t with her when she died, because I was having a mammogram. I was in my gown waiting to be called when I got a voicemail from The Home to call and I did and the nurse (one I really like) told me. So I went in for my mammogram and the radiologist said she wanted more pictures. Fine. Three years ago almost to the day, I was diagnosed with breast cancer (IDC) on the left side and had a lumpectomy. Yesterday after they take more films, they take me into a room with a table and sofas and I know the news is not good. When the news is good, they tell you in the hallway. The radiologist comes in and starts to beat around the bush, and I said, “Can we cut to the chase–you want a biopsy, right?” And she said yes, on the right side. Fuck.

I’m having it Thursday morning.

She was very nice and almost apologetic about possibly being too cautious, but I said, no, it’s fine. Be cautious. You should be cautious, especially given my history. She said that she has had breast cancer. (Hell, these days, who hasn’t?)

So this morning I went with a friend to the funeral home to ID my mother. I’ve mentioned that I’m an only child with no children and no partner. It’s been hard having no one to spell me or even to pass the ball to. The ID was not distressing or traumatic at all. The funeral home has a room set up like a bedroom with lamps and knick knacks and sheets on the bed and her lying there tucked under a pretty quilt with her head on a pillow. Nothing like the TV shows where it happens in a clinical/lab setting. She looked very peaceful and, frankly, better than she has looked for the last two weeks. Even though I made and paid for all the arrangements two months ago, I still had to sign a million forms, and then my friend took me to lunch.

And it’s only Tuesday.

If I have to go through surgery again and radiation I can do it, but I’d sure rather not. I’ll report back.

We can be sort of like family. If you need to talk or vent contact us.

It’s hard to know how I’d do things if I was in your place. I have an elderly mother I dearly love, she needs assistance, but both of my sisters live in the same town. I’m not married but my sisters are, so the BILs and the two nephews are good for yard work and small household repairs.

As for the biopsy, how long does it take to get results? Please, keep us informed.

I’ll say a prayer for you on Thursday. I don’t know your IRL name, but I expect God will know who I mean when I say Thelma Lou.

Man, that really stinks. I sure hope the biopsy turns out to be something benign. Hugs to you.

What a kind and thoughtful reply. Thank you.

At this imaging center they tell you right away. Which I like. None of this going home and waiting for a phone call or something in the mail. In fact three years ago, when they put me in the fateful room with the table and sofa, I’ll never forget the radiologist’s words, “I’m gonna give you the news you don’t want to hear.” I REALLY don’t want to hear those words this time.

I think God is rather partial to my cashew fudge. :slight_smile:

Very best wishes for Thursday.

I’m really, really sorry for what you’re going through. That sounds like a terrible, terrible day.

I will keep good thoughts for you, ThelmaLou. I am sorry you are going through so much. I do hope you’ll feel free to vent as needed. Sometimes it does help.

Recently, the matriarch of a family I’m close with had a return of cancer after nearly two decades, and died afer two years of various treatments. Although I can’t saw she was like a mother to me as I didn’t know her until I was well into adulthood, I wished I’d had a mother like her, and the loss has affected the family significantly.

I wish you well, ThelmaLous, and hope the biopsy turns out to be negative. Please take care of yourself.

Stranger

{{{hugs}}} and my well wishes to you. Please keep us posted. You’ll be in my thoughts.

Very sorry to hear, Thelma Lou. You’ll be in my thoughts, too.

That’s a lot a hard news. Wishing you strength as you deal with the biopsy and follow up.

Wishing you the very best of news tomorrow.
mmm

I’m so sorry. Best of luck with the biopsy. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

Take Care Thelmalou. Do keep us posted.

What an awful week. And like you say, most of it’s still ahead.

I’ll be keeping you in my prayers tomorrow, ThelmaLou. And good luck with all the stuff with your mom. When my mom goes (she’s 91) I’m not likely to miss her either, but at least my sisters and I can deal with her passing together.

Sorry for the troubles you’re going through. :frowning: Hoping for the best tomorrow.

Adding my hopes and thoughts to the pile, Thelma Lou.

Best wishes, ThelmaLou. !

Thanks, y’all, for the supportive comments. I really appreciate it.

I’m just getting ready to go over to the assisted living place to start clearing out my mother’s room. Fortunately, all of the furniture belongs to them. The people who move in locally have their own furniture, but since we came from out of town, they “loaned” me sofa, dresser, chair, bed, etc. I put loaned in quotation marks, because I was supposed to get our own furniture, but never got around to it. Then the manager moved to another unit and the new manager didn’t know the stuff wasn’t mine. Don’t ask don’t tell. Hehe. But there are still clothes, pictures on the wall, a couple of lamps, and the stuff that inevitably accumulates day after day when you bring things in but don’t take things away.

I really like this facility, and I’ve made friends with many of the residents and staff. I might just keep on coming once a week so as not to lose touch. I was in the habit of coming twice a week, but in the last month, as my mother declined, I came every day. Maybe they can identify some volunteer function for me.

Trying not to dwell on tomorrow morning at the same time as I’m *longing *to get it over with and find out the good/bad news.

I hope it’s good news. I’m sorry things have been so rough and hope they get better.

I wish you the best ThelmaLou.

Life can be so hard. It will eventually get better.