My cats strive to be as useless and indolent as possible, yet I have tricked them into performing useful functions for me.
I started putting my nightclothes on the corner of the bed where my girl kitty, Cosmic Creepers, sleeps. Now, when I come to bed, toasty warm PJs are waiting for me, courtesy of her body heat! (I just ignore the black cat hairs that are stuck to them.)
My boy kitty, Oedipuss Rex, likes to wake me up in the morning by marching up my body in a very rude (and painful) manner, with his bony kitty heels digging into my various tender parts. But now I just turn over when he does this, and when he stomps my back in frustration–instant deep tissue massage!
It displeases them when they realize I’m enjoying the fruits of their “labor,” but they seem unable to resist the lure of sleeping in their favorite spots or stomping me when I am in bed. Their only revenge is ignoring me when I giggle at their expense.
Does anyone have any other ideas for tasks I could trick them into performing?
(Yes, I realize that when the feline overlords come to rule the planet, I will be one of the first up against the wall.)
The shedded cat hairs from “PurrMonster” (currently lounging on my anatomy textbook) make dandy (if minute) bookmarks. I know exactly what page I was on.
(Damn, wish I could get the cat to walk on my back. She won’t walk anywhere on me except my stomach.)
Jake plays fetch, which the dog finds fun for about three seconds. He’s also the best excuse ever for hitting the snooze bar one more time, as he comes up to my face, mewls plaintively and begins to suckle and knead the stuffed pug I keep on the bed.
You can’t get up when you’ve got a kitten who needs you to stay in bed.
My cats earn their keep by being bedwarmers during our brief winter season and it cuts down on my heating bill. Currently, my central heat isn’t working anyway but because of the cats I don’t have to rush to spend money on repairs.
A friend and I used to take a couple of cats on leads birdwatching on the points on the north shore of Lake Erie. The cats loved it. Usually they spotted the birds before we did, so all we had to do was look where the cats were looking.
Our cats act as useful props to get other family members to wait on us. “I can’t get up for more coffee - I have a kitty on my lap!” or “Can you get me a glass of water while you’re up? I’d get it, but Socks looks so comfortable.” It always works, although if the cat in question realizes you’re doing this, he or she will invariably jump off your lap and follow the person you’ve asked the favor of into the kitchen.
I had a cat that occasionally brought me dinner from my neighbour the chef. When my neighour was not looking, he would snatch a steak and run home with it. Not a good thing.
My dog sits under our baby’s high chair and snarfs up all the dropped food. We went away for the weekend without her a few weeks ago and were amazed at what a mess the baby makes. We never have that problem at home.
Our dog is also a genius. In our old house, we used to leave the sliding glass door open and she’d come in and out as she pleased. If she got her paws muddy, she wouldn’t come in - she’d sit by the open door and whine until I came with a towel to wipe her feet off. This is not something that was purposely taught to her - she just figured it out on her own. She’s a great dog (border collie/lab mix…brilliant and sweet).
Rex did that this morning. When the alarm went off at 8, he was snuggled up against me. He shot me a look that clearly said, “Mommy, hit the snooze bar or die!” We cuddled happily for another hour and a half.
My sister’s cat Clio plays fetch. I would love to get my kitties to do this. Did you train Jake, or does he just do it instinctively?
I always know when someone’s walking up to my apartment’s door. Somehow they know who’s coming to our apt and who’s not (going to one of the other 3 apts on this floor or going upstairs) while they’re still walking up the stairs. I have no idea how. But they get all excited, look at the door, and hop on the arm of the couch.
I don’t need to hit the snooze button with Crash. After my alarm goes off, he comes into the bedroom and starts trying to burrow into my face with his nose. It’s so irritating that it gets me up.
I use this excuse too. We have a big room with the TV and computer, and the doors to our fenced yard are also in that room. The computer (where I usually am) is closer to the doors, so when the dogs want to go in or out I have to get up and open the doors. Not so bad, it is only about 10 feet, but it gets annoying when they both want in/out 20 times an hour. When I have a cat on the lap, I can ask my SO to let the dogs in or out.
My favorite trick is getting Hanna to open the bathroom door for me. Awhile ago I had one of those padded toilet seats. Hanna used to like to watch me flush the toilet, but one day the padded seat fell down onto her head as the toilet flushed! Luckily the lid was light enough she didn’t get hurt, but now she paws open the bathroom door when she hears a flush. She always has to be in the bathroom with me, so I leave the door closed but not closed tight - she can paw it open.
When I want to leave the bathroom I flush and she opens the door for me, like a little furry doorcat.
