sit him on your lap, fold his ears down on his head, and go “Hey, it’s Flopsy the Rabbit.”?
What?
Yes, althought I call it “Little Dutch Kitty.” Zoe is always rather disgusted at this!
Ya’ll must have declawed cats! I’d attempt that stunt right after I put my hand into a wasp nest.
Do we have pictures? Of kitty or your wounds? Heh.
I’m with Blonde, I’d be dealing with long red scratches shortly after the “sit him on your lap” part.
My friend picks up her cat’s hind legs as he walks on his front legs, and goes “Wheelbarrow ride! Little wheelbarrow guy!” Then he flops over and purrs. He’s a sweet cat. 
I do that with Buffy all the time. It makes her look like a creature from a fantasy novel. She just looks so goofy!
No, but when I was a kid, I always took our cats to our pond to teach them how to swim. I think we had the fastest swimming cats in the county.
I do that with my cat - then I say “Kitty’s got no ears!” And she looks at me funny. We also have “Battle of the Kitties” with our two cats - pick them both up under the arms an march them over to each other, where they proceed to swipe at each other. The fun never ends around here! And sometimes, I pick them up and swing them to my shoulder upside down and spin them around a few times and throw them on the bed - seriously. This is why we sleep with the bedroom door closed - so they can’t kill me in my sleep.
LOL@ Earl. I have a cat, Mia, who adores water. She’s often in our garden ponds, though she doesn’t get into the pool.
Most of my cats like to sit on laps. Anyone’s lap will do, whether you want them to or not, though this is especially true if you’re wearing your best black trousers. I squish their ears down from time to time and let them pretend they’re Scottish Folds.
I’ve got a recently adopted kitten, Yeager, who loves to fall asleep hanging upside down with his mouth partly open to show his fangs. He looks kind of like a vampire bat, so we nickname him Bat Cat. I must take a pic of him as Bat Cat one day.
I don’t do that but one of my favorite things to do to him is to scratch him behind his left ear until he can’t handle it anymore. This usually takes about two to three minutes until he backs away, shakes his head for about a minute straight, and then starts scratching at it like crazy. I’m guessing it’s sensory overload.
Another favorite pastime is to wait until he’s cleaning himself and then ruffle the fur he just licked clean. His tail will start twitching and he’ll flatten his ears against his head after about two or three swipes and it almost always ends in my having red lines running down my hand.
My version is to pin their ears back and call them Batcats. When they squint their eyes and sneer, it adds to the image.
It’s worth the dirty looks and ankle swats. Really it is.
I haven’t tried that one yet, but I regularly bathe them and clip their toenails without injury, so I’m guessing I could get away with it pretty easily. I’ll have to give it a try.
In order to get them to hold still for nail clippings, I swaddle them snugly in my old baby blanket. They end up looking like a furry Baby Jesus or something. It cracks people up to see it. Cosmic Creepers hates it, but Oedipuss Rex actually likes to be cradled like a baby and lets me sing “Rockabye Baby” to him.
Hey, does anyone else make up songs for and about their cats? My best friend and I both do this. Are we just weird?
I call it Kitty Earstyles. There’s the beehive, the flip, and the sassy bob.
And I also make up songs for the cats, although truthfully I usually plagiarize other people’s songs and modify them for cat use.
Hovering Kitty Butt!!!
When a kitty is laying down, you slip your hand under their ass and try to hold it up in the air as long as possible.
Our Fattums just meows pitifully and looks annoyed, but Smidgen has a short temper and sharp claws that have little hooks at the end that catch under your skin. Whee!
Good times.
Another fun one is when they’re lying down on lino or tiles (something slippery at any rate). See how far around you can spin them before they either plant their paws firmly on the floor you can no longer spin them or get up and stalk off looking annoyed.
[sidenote]
Nobody does annoyed/pissed off as well as a cat. As long as you stay out of the way of the claws, it is truly a sight to behold.
[/sidenote]
oh my gawd! When I stop snorting and the tears stop rolling down my face from laughing so hard (and of course, when I catch my breath so that blood can once again flow to my brain) I’ll think up some of the things I’ve tortured my almost 20 year old cats with over the years.
rexnervous, d_redguy and I do that to our three sometimes. Our version is to say “Hey! You’re a seal!” The cats seem fairly unaffected. Really dumb, I know. I don’t have any idea why we do it.
OK, now that I can breathe: I had a roommate one time that would run her hand back and forth on the cat’s back yelling “Pet Job!!!” (hey – the cat loved it!) Of course, she’d also push the cat in when she caught it trying to drink from the toilet.
There’s also a variation/combination of Wheelbarrow Ride/ Hovering Kitty Butt, invented by a former significant other. He used to pet the cats and when he ran his hand down their back, he’d lift them by their tail and have them walk on their front feet. He wasn’t exactly a favorite of theirs.
See, when I do this (put my hand in front of her ears and lay them flat back against her head), I call it “High-Speed Face,” 'cause it looks like they’re being exposed to a high g-force!
One of my cats has ears that will fold inside out (it happens a lot when she’s cleaning her face). I’ll tuck both her ears backwards and yell “Gang signs!”