So, I was doing my little cashier bit at Wally World the other day, and this very nicely dressed older couple with their extremely elderly, senile, and wheelchairbound dad came in, made a thirty dollar purchase and tried to pay me with a ten and a counterfiet twenty.
I could tell even before I was handed the twenty that it was counterfiet because it was… teal. Not screaming neon teal, more on the greenish side, but it was, nonetheless, teal. I examined the bill when I got it in hand. Not only was it teal, it was printed on that cheap, shiny paper that the old Xerox machines used to spit out (and I think some photocopiers still do.) Of course, the color shifty ink didn’t color shift, the security strip wasn’t there…
“Um, no, this isn’t going to fly,” quoth I. “Why not?” quoth the nice lady.
“Well, for one thing, this looks like it was run off a copy machine,”
Of course, the nice couple was duly indignant. I asked where they had gotten the bill. The story was that Dad had been in the hospital, and they had locked his money and possessions up in a safe, and when they got it back, somehow the counterfiet bill was in his wallet.
Uh-huh. So, you expect me to believe that somebody got into the safe and switched your Dad’s twenty with one that looks like some kid ran it off on a copy machine.
More likely you got it as change from someone who got stuck with the phoney bill and passed it off to you, and you decided to pass it off at the idiot cashier at Wal-Mart. And, to sink even lower, guess who was holding the money balled up in his arthritic fist? Yep, Dad. Probably figured I wouldn’t peg a disabled old man as a counterfieter. You’re right, I didn’t. I peg you. Instead of writing off the twenty-dollar loss and alerting the authorities about where you got the funny-money, you tried to perpetuate it. Which makes you a criminal.
Anyhoo, I gave them back the twenty (my Customer Service Manager told me we aren’t allowed to confiscate people’s money, never mind the fact that this wasn’t money) and they indignantly told me that they were going to take it to a bank and see what they said.
Good luck, bub. Take it to a bank, they’ll confiscate your play money and call the Secret Service and your ass will be hauled off to JAIL!!!
