Note to self - never, ever tell someone I work with computers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I’m pulling out of the bank parking lot, in a hurry to get to the mailbox before the mailbox store closes. I spot a pedestrian popping out from around the bank corner on the right, so I carefully watch, like I always do, to make sure he completely passes on the sidewalk before I pull out. I’ve had too many near misses with pedestrians so I’m completely paranoid about making sure someone’s clear before moving. Of course he takes that differently, stops, and turns around to ask me something. I figure out pretty quick he’s probably gay and is hitting on me. Since I’m straight, this is going to be a very short conversation.
Him: “Hey, you look like you work in film post production. What do you do?”

Me: ? (Trying to end the conversation quick, rather than explain to him I own my own business and all that entails), “Uh, I do computer programming.” I start to pull forward.

Him: The look on his face completely changes, like the clouds have parted and he’s about to be granted salvation. “Oh, hey, I have this question for you . . .”

Me: WTF!!! “Dude! I gotta go!” Traffic clears, I pull out and speed away, narrowly escaping.
I have GOT to learn to keep my shut mouth and never, ever tell anyone I work with computers. It happens everywhere. I’m in Fry’s looking for a cable and someone starts asking me about their computer problem. I’m dressed like a skate punk and don’t even have a name badge, but somehow they think I work there and can help them. Or I’m in the store pulling out my phone for the time (an uber-cheapo phone by the way), and someone asks if I could help them with the wifi settings on their smart phone. Or I’m at a party and mention to a friend I’ll email them later, and another person overhears that and starts trying to pin me down for help on their virus laden computer.

For the love of Steve the Fruitbat, I am NOT your free tech support! Yes, you may feel like you are drowning, but like a panicking drowning victim you will pull me down with you. So no, no free computer advice.

I don’t look or sound or behave like a typical computer nerd. Heck, I don’t even resemble a regular nerd according to those who’ve met me. So it’s baffling to me how people manage to assume I have the ability to help them. Maybe it’s the total lack of fear I project around anything technological.

Whatever it is, it is truly annoying. It makes me want to avoid contact with people for fear of being drawn into their web of despair. I’m tempted to dress like a lawyer and tell people my hourly rate is $500/hr. Maybe then they’ll stop.

2

Well, do you look like a teenage boy? I just always assume they know everything about computers.

But, just be thankful that you’re not a dermatologist- imagine the requests for help that they get- at a party, chilling out with a drink, “Hey, will you look at this rash?” Urgh.

3

So, based on your post you work with computers? I’ve got this mole on my back, would you mind taking a look at it?

ETA :smiley:

4

It could be worse, OP. You could actually have helped them, and then had to put up with questions.

When I was in college one of my friends came to me with a paper she needed to rewrite. She was quite confused as to why she’d only gotten a C-. I wasn’t once I read it. Over 90% of the paper was quotes. I explained to her that her problem was that right there. She looked baffled and said she’d carefully cited every quote. It was true, she had. Trying to explain that you need to introduce all of those quotes *and *explain why they help support your argument was a long, frustrating conversation. In the end she got a B+ but boy did I ever wish I hadn’t let myself become the go-to person for paper-writing help. I never did learn, though.

5

Oh god. One of the reasons I don’t build computers anymore is because of the assumed task that I would be free-tech-support-for-life. No matter what was done to the computer, or when or how. I had one lady that really tried to get me to teach her Computers 101. I set up her PC and DSL and after half a dozen calls and visits I had HAD it. I told her I wasn’t going to fix her PC anymore.

6

I’m half asian and I look very much it, so everybody assumes I’m a whiz. Also I worked with computers in the past. :smiley:

Whenever people ask, I like to refer to the xkcd comic: http://xkcd.com/627/

7

Can’t speak for mikews99, but in my case it has to be something other than looking like a teenage boy — I’m 62 and look more like the proprietor of an Italian deli, but these people can detect whatever-it-is from six furlongs away. And yes, once they grab hold of you they’re worse than barnacles to detach.

Sometimes I wish there were a government Geek Protection Program. I mean, they did it for superheroes, why not us? I’d sign up in a heartbeat.

8

There was one point in time when I had purple hair, about 12 pieces of metal hanging off my face and ears, wore black leather, and did my best to look surly.

Still. Still. I was the one people would pick out of a crowd to ask directions.

9

Easy response to every question from random people: “Reboot and call me in the morning.”

10

I’ve been asked for directions in NYC with a backpack taller than me hanging on my back. I’d left the bus less than five minutes before. The weird part is that I was able to give them the directions they needed (the bus had driven past the landmark building they were looking for). We got asked for directions in Prague (success); we’ve been asked for directions in London (mixed results). During a school trip, my brother got asked for directions in Madrid before they’d even left the train station (and yes, he was able to provide them).

Apparently we have a built-in GPS and tomtom printed across our foreheads. The few times we can’t give directions we even feel guilty about it; we call that “having an attack of need-to-update-mapfiles”.

11

You need to keep a stack of printouts of this with you at all times.

12

Heh - I was accosted by an old lady in the supermarket just this weekend who wanted to know whether the discount laptop they were selling was the right one for her.

She said I looked like I know about computers so could I advise her.

She looked reasonably well-off, so I figured that actually for sending emails and browsing the net (which is all she wanted to do) then pretty much any modern laptop will do the job, so I didn’t have a problem telling her to put the £370 Asus in her trolly.

Felt a bit weird as usually I research options for ages before buying PCs, but while I’m sure she could have got a better spec or a better deal, it wouldn’t make any difference really… she knew nothing about PCs so couldn’t make an informed choice, so sometimes you have to say “yeah, that one’s fine”.

13

I used to have this problem. Friends, family, complete strangers the former have told about me would call, drop by my house, walk up to me on the street, and start asking for help. To begin with I’d help, since I love to help people.

I eventually got tired of it, as it got to the point where I was spending 30+ hours a week working on computers that didn’t belong to me without so much as a thank you most times, so I started charging $1/minute, plus any parts needed. A good 2/3rds of people stopped bugging me, and those who didn’t are still getting a better deal than the local computer shop or geek squad will give them.

14

I am my mother’s tech support. Never mind that my brother and sister are much more well-versed in computer software (and in my brother’s case, hardware). Never mind that my sibs live in the same county, and I live 400 miles away. I am the one she asks questions of. And I’m the one who gets to defrag her old Win95 box when I visit.

15

Not only do I work with computers for my day job, but I also moonlight as an EMT. People stand in line to ask me why their PC won’t boot, or what to do about the rash on their elbow.

16

But I bet you’re a martial arts expert, right?

17

I have found that if you even suggest to someone that you have a vague notion of how to do ANYTHING computer-related, you become free tech support. Mention Google? “Oh, by the way, My computer is smoking from the back, how do I fix it?”

Joe

18

I recently met a dermatologist at a party. How do up upload a photo of my rash so I can send it to him?

19

What I hate is how most people are completely clueless when it comes to realizing that “computers” means more than one thing. I’m a coder. I write software, mostly for the Web and Windows machines. I don’t know how to fix your printer, or why your TiVo isn’t connecting to your router, or how to make your laptop faster. I have no clue why your Mac won’t boot - I can barely boot up a Mac and find a browser, much less diagnose and fix Mac hardware problems. Just because I can write a website from scratch does not mean I can tell you how to use that new Photo editing software you downloaded from the Web.

When my computer breaks, you know what I do? I bring it into the shop and let THEM fix it. If I want an upgrade, same thing. I PAY someone to do the hardware work for me, because even if I could do it, chances are I don’t want to.

20

Oh, hey, you’re just the guy I need to talk to! Do you have a second?

See, there’s this rash on my laptop…