Nothing Good Can Come of This

[Malthus]

Archaeologists discover intact Roman-era lead coffin.

Ancient lead sarcophagus contains Roman VIP

Who’s in the Lead Coffin? “Very unusual and very intriguing” is how Nicola Terrenato from the University of Michigan describes a Roman-era lead coffin that has been uncovered in the ancient city of Gabii, 11 miles east of Rome.

The professor of classical studies is the leader of an archaeological project to excavate the site. He added: “It’s definitely the most unusual finding of the campaign so far.”

The lead sarcophagus, weighing about 450 kg, was found during last summer’s dig and is thought to date from the second to the fourth centuries AD. Researchers can’t be more exact about the date until a series of tests are carried out in the coming months.

…

What remains clear is that the burial is highly unusual, not least because the use of such an unusually large piece of lead would have been a great expense for the family of the deceased. Terrenato said: “It’s a sheet of lead folded onto itself an inch thick. A thousand pounds of metal is an enormous amount of wealth in this era. To waste so much of it in a burial is pretty unusual."

Haven’t these people seen any horror movies? opening an “unusual” 1800 years buried thousand-pound lead coffin simply can’t be a good idea.

[tdn]

Dude, it’s Roman. Everyone knows that vampires are from Transylvania. It’s probably just filled with marinara sauce.

Eat, you’re too thin!

[zoid]

@tdn

Dude, it’s Roman. Everyone knows that vampires are from Transylvania. It’s probably just filled with marinara sauce.

Eat, you’re too thin!

Yeah riiiiight…

Right now there’s some dude in the Vatican in a panic, holding a bunch of crumbling ancient pages with images of Satan on them, pounding on the Popes bedroom door and screaming some shit in Latin.

And he doesn’t even notice the dobermans slowly climbing the stairs behind him…

[Malthus]

@zoid

Yeah riiiiight…

Right now there’s some dude in the Vatican in a panic, holding a bunch of crumbling ancient pages with images of Satan on them, pounding on the Popes bedroom door and screaming some shit in Latin.

And he doesn’t even notice the dobermans slowly climbing the stairs behind him…

Or better, crumbling parchments with Mithraic rituals written on them.

[elbows]

It’s the revenge of the altar boys!

[PatriotGrrrl]

or a Goa’uld…

[silenus]

Cthulhu fhtagn.

[Surly_Chick]

I worked on a site in Maryland where two sealed lead coffins were discovered. IIRC, the Smithsonian opened them to test the air quality of the air in the coffins to determine what the air was like during times of yore. From the pix, it doesn’t look like the coffin in the OP was still sealed so the evil within is probably already roaming the world…

[Methyl_Ethyl_Death]

Hmmmm…lead coffin…

Whatever monster is in there, it might be radioactive. :eek:

[shantih]

@silenus

Cthulhu fhtagn.

Same to you, buddy!
Alternatively: Gesundheit!

[Inigo_Montoya]

@Surly_Chick

…From the pix, it doesn’t look like the coffin in the OP was still sealed so the evil within is probably already roaming the world…

…and managing a large, hugely wealthy non-profit organization near Rome?

[Surly_Chick]

Well, probably not non-profit.

[Malthus]

@Surly_Chick

Well, probably not non-profit.

More like “non-prophet”.

[Beerman1963]

Head archaeologist(in monotone voice) nothing to see here no zombie mummies move along

[Autolycus]

@Beerman1963

Head archaeologist(in monotone voice) nothing to see here no zombie mummies move along

No vampires roamin’ around either.

[Malthus]

@Autolycus

No vampires roamin’ around either.

Groan.*
*Note: not the sound of a mummy stirring to unnatural life.

[kapri]

@Surly_Chick

I worked on a site in Maryland where two sealed lead coffins were discovered. IIRC, the Smithsonian opened them to test the air quality of the air in the coffins to determine what the air was like during times of yore. From the pix, it doesn’t look like the coffin in the OP was still sealed so the evil within is probably already roaming the world…

Wouldn’t the air have been contaminated or at least affected by the decayed body, though?

[WordMan]

@tdn

Dude, it’s Roman. Everyone knows that vampires are from Transylvania. It’s probably just filled with marinara sauce.

Dude - it’s Roman: there was ***no ***marinara sauce back then, since tomatoes had not been imported to Italy from the new world yet…

…however, given the smell I would expect to emanate from that thing, it is probably filled with garum (wiki link) the “fermented fish sauce” that Romans apparently loved…

[Malthus]

@WordMan

Dude - it’s Roman: there was ***no ***marinara sauce back then, since tomatoes had not been imported to Italy from the new world yet…

…however, given the smell I would expect to emanate from that thing, it is probably filled with garum (wiki link) the “fermented fish sauce” that Romans apparently loved…

Eeew, just imagine how pissed off your average undead creature would be, after being pickled for two millenia in fish guts. :eek:

[EvilTOJ]

It’s obviously hazardous waste from a malfunctioning fission-powered time machine. Why else would you need lead an inch thick? I imagine it’ll look just like the climactic scene from Predator when they open it.