Most students entering college this fall in the class of 2004, were born in 1982.
Grace Kelly, Elvis Presley, Karen Carpenter, and the E.R.A. have always been dead.
Kurt Cobain’s death was the “day the music died.”
Somebody named George Bush has been on every national ticket, except one, since they were born.
The Kennedy tragedy was a plane crash, not an assassination.
Huckleberry Finn has always been a “banned book.”
A “45” is a gun, not a record with a large hole in the center.
They have no clue what the Beach Boys were talking about when they sang about a 409, and the Little Deuce Coupe.
They have probably never lost anything in shag carpeting.
MASH and The Muppet Show have always been in re-runs
. 11. Punk Rock is an activist movement, not a musical form.
They have always bought telephones, rather than rent them from AT&T.
The year they were born, AIDS was found to have killed 164 people; finding a cure for the new disease was designated a “top priority” for government-sponsored research.
We have always been able to reproduce DNA in the laboratory.
Wars begin and end quickly; peace-keeping missions go on forever.
There have always been ATM machines.
The President has always addressed the nation on the radio on Saturday.
We have always been able to receive television signals by direct broadcast satellite.
Cities have always been trying to ban the possession and sale of handguns.
Watergate is as relevant to their lives as the Teapot Dome scandal.
They have no idea that a “presidential scandal” once meant nothing more than Ronald Reagan taking President Carter’s briefing book in “Debategate.”
They have never referred to Russia and China as “the Reds.”
Toyotas and Hondas have always been made in the United States.
There has always been a national holiday honoring Martin Luther King, Jr.
Three Mile Island is ancient history, and nuclear accidents happen in other countries.
Around-the-clock coverage of congress, public affairs, weather reports, and rock videos have always been available on cable.
Senator Phil Gramm has always been a Republican.
Women sailors have always been stationed on U.S. Navy ships.
The year they were born, the New York Times announced that the “boom in video games,” a fad, had come to an end.
Congress has been questioning computer intrusion into individuals’ personal lives since they were born.
Bear Bryant has never coached at Alabama.
They have always been able to afford Calvin Klein.
Coors Beer has always been sold east of the Mississippi, eliminating the need for Burt Reynolds to outrun the authorities in the Smokey and the Bandit films.
They were born the same year that Ebony and Ivory lived in perfect harmony.
The year they were born, Dustin Hoffman wore a dress and Julie Andrews wore a tuxedo.
Elton John has only been heard on easy listening stations.
Woodstock is a bird or a reunion, not a cultural touchstone.
They have never heard a phone “ring.”
They never dressed up for a plane flight.
Hurricanes have always had men’s and women’s names.
Lawn darts have always been illegal.
“Coming out” parties celebrate more than debutantes.
They only know Madonna singing American Pie.
They neither know who Billy Joe was, nor wondered what he was doing on the Talahatchee Bridge.
They never thought of Jane Fonda as “Hanoi Jane,” nor associated her with any revolution other than the “Fitness Revolution” videotape they may have found in the attic.
The Osmonds are talk show hosts.
They have never used a bottle of “White Out.”
If they vaguely remember the night the Berlin Wall fell, they are probably not sure why it was up in the first place.
“Spam” and “cookies” are not necessarily foods.
They feel more danger from having sex and being in school, than from possible nuclear war.
I do feel old. What makes me feel older is that the incoming class this year is the Class of 2005, making the majority of them born in '83. Also added to the list:
There has only been one baseball season shortened by a strike.
My little brother is one of these (He started at Soutwest Texas State on Wednesday). One time, when he was about 4, we were in a movie theatre when he had to go to the restroom, and he asked dad to stop the movie. He had always had a VCR (and a remote).
<sitting on a rocking chair on a porch surrounded by a gaggle of young-uns>
I remember in 1983, we were an innocent nation. The music of Kenny Rogers and Kim Carnes taught us all about the glory of America. We would gather as families around the television and watch the ‘A-Team’ and ‘Facts of Life’ and share in the misadventures of Tootie, Jo, and B.A. Baracus. (Sips Metamucil) Where was I? Oh yes, the nation joined together in a tearful farewell to ‘Happy Days’. You kids have no idea how much ground was broken by the likes of Anson Williams and Donny Most. Ah, Potsie and Ralph Malph sure gave Fonzie a run for his money, yesiree. Without them you wouldn’t have any of your Chandler Bings, George Costanzas, Eminems, super computers, or Britney Spearses. (nods off)…Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! Don’t go in there! It’s Gargamel! Save him Smurfette, save him!!! (wakes with a start) I’m sorry kids, I’m having flashbacks again…I’m going to go in and watch VH-1’s ‘Where Are They Now?’…
</sitting on a rocking chair on a porch surrounded by a gaggle of young-uns>
This seems to be a list o’ things that an historically unaware recent highschool graduate wouldn’t know about. An historically aware one, however . . .
There was a list like this for the class of 2003, too. I remember only one thing on it: “We’ve always known where the Titanic was.” Or something like that.
Scary thought: Round about 1982, my older sister was watching a girl a few years younger than me (prolly born 1969-ish) and this girl could not read a clock face. She had been exposed to digital clocks and watches long enough she had no clue.
::sits down next to finnofranco::
Why, in my day, we didn’t have any cable TV! And no MTV, either! And we had to get up and walk across the room to change the three channels!
What the hell?!? $8.50 for a movie? Why, in my day, I could go to the movies for $4.00!
What the hell is minimum wage now, anyway? $10 an hour? In my day, it was $3.10, and we were grateful for that!
Nintendo 64? In my day all we had was Pong, and we were grateful for that, let me tell you.
Hey finno, I’ll share my Geritol with you for some of your Metamucil.
My seven-year-old niece was at my house, in a bad mood and wanted to go home. She went to the telephone, saying “I’m gonna call my daddy!” She picked up the handset and stared at the dial. The rotary dial.
Crap…I don’t believe I’m already 25. Its all downhill from hear! Thanks for reminding me. Someone give me money for a facelift…I need to take ten years off! Wait, am I old or young? I don’t even know.
