First off, yeah, RealityChuck’s kinda being a dick. Just my opinion.
The one that popped immediately to my mind referred to a track on Bob & Tom Gone Wild. B&T were interviewing a comic named Tracy Smith and she was saying that she finds her doctor (general practitioner) very attractive but is bummed because she doesn’t ever have to take her clothes off in front of him. She thinks out loud to herself that maybe she oughta try, “Um, doctor, my nipples taste like lemons… that’s weird, isn’t it?” Cue big laugh from B&T.
One of the lieutenants in my old CE squadron was sick, and we went to visit him in the hospital. He mentioned that he had one hot nurse, but she was always so rushed when she came into his room that he hadn’t talked to her at all. When he said that, I automatically said, “Um, nurse, my testicles taste like lemons… that’s weird, isn’t it?” out loud, with nothing whatsoever in the way of an explanation. It made perfect sense to me, but everyone else thought I was weird. I am, a little, but that’s beside the point…
Whenever someone says to me “I’ll be careful,” I usually retort with “You’ll be dead!”
It gets some strange looks until I remind them of the cantina sequence from Star Wars.
Nobody, perhaps not even on SDMB, would get the reference from The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin to the question “what does this smell like to you?”
"Bolivian unicyclist’s jockstrap!"
but it’s so weird that it works as a stand-alone.
I love that one…I may use it.
THAT’S ANOTHER ONE!! Reginald Perrin, not the specific line:
Friend: <says something funny at my expense>
Me: “Would you be having a joke there with a simple, tongue-tied Irishman from the land of the bogs and the little people?”
Friend: “…uh, what?”
Oh my gosh, I say this too… only every time I’m on the exercise bike at the gym.
Yeah, that means three or four times a week… in front of dozens of strangers. But if Mr. Bean can keep me from giving up, it’s worth a couple dozen funny looks.
My personal name for makework jobs is “bolt looseners”. This is from an old sci fi story set in a society where all the real work is now automated; the main character is dissatisfied with his job which consists of nothing more than tightening various bolts all over his city. So he requests a new job, and is very happy with his new occupation of going throughout the city loosening bolts.
The original Star Trek is hardly obscure, but my brother and I come up with references that would be hard to pin down unless you’d seen the episodes in question a couple of times and were able to understand our sense of humor.
For example, he and I were hiking around the foot of Enchanted Rock in Central Texas. He lost sight of me, and after a bit I could hear his voice warbling in the distance: “Help me . . Spock. Helllp meee . . . . Spock . . . .”
My best friend & I constantly use an exclaimed WHAT? as a response when either of us tries to get the others’ attention.
It’s from the MST3K version of Mitchell where John Saxon shoots the Johnny Mathis look alike.
I once came up with “If I wanted to watch liberals jacking off, I’d just rent ‘Shortbus.’”
Somewhat complicated by the fact that anyone who’d “get” it wouldn’t think it was funny, and anyone who’d think it was funny wouldn’t get the reference. Also, it applies to less possible situations than the Thunderdome joke, and I don’t actually talk to human beings that often. Crap.
Much to the annoyance of the other editors at my job, I like to end a project meeting by saying, “Wait! We’re starting July 17? (or whatever the date is) I don’t work July 17. That’s Elvis’ birthday!”
From D.C. Cab
They don’t know why I say that, but it’s gotten to the point that if I don’t, someone will say it for me.
:eek:
You win. Wow - a D.C. Cab reference in the wild! Look kids!
I’ve used CJ’s “I didn’t get where I am today by…” catchphrase a few times.
Don’t insult other posters in this forum, regardless of how you feel about their behavior.
RealityChuck, I don’t know why you felt you needed to make this into a game, because explaining it would not prevent anyone who is interested from Googling the source. In any case you’re misquoting the line. It’s “By the way, don’t touch the figs.”
For those who are curious, the line is from
I, Claudius. No, I didn’t know that offhand. Here is the scene on YouTube.
Sometimes when frustrated I am known to blurt out, Mebbs Mebbs.
Coneheads
My father owns a business…I’ve been working there for about 17 years now, so naturally people ask me if I’ll own it eventually. But, some people instead say “Someday this’ll all be yours” To which I always reply “The curtains?” Some people catch it, some people don’t.
When someone makes a mistake, then repeats the exact same mistake, my quote is, “BZZT, ow! BZZT, ow!” It’s from the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa does a science fair project to determine whether Bart is dumber than a hamster. She hooks a cupcake up to a battery, so that every time Bart touches it, he gets a shock. Of course, he tries to grab it again and again, even though he gets shocked every time. “BZZT, ow! BZZT, ow!”
My go to line is from Young Frankenstein:
“Could be worse, could be raining.”
Needs a bit of set up:
[spoiler]After 51 years of marriage the Emperor Augustus has finally noticed that his family has gotten a lot more unnatural deaths and tragedies than usual ever since he married his [third] wife Livia, and that the deaths of two of his sons-in-law and several grandsons and the banishment of his daughter all seem to benefit Tiberius (his stepson by Livia and also his son-in-law by the banished daughter). Livia is in a bad place: her husband, after 51 years, is on to her, but at the same point he is
1- her husband (who she really does love)
2- Caesar Augustus (even she, who helped make him divine, is in awe of him)
3- the source of any political power she has
As Augustus learns more of Livia’s many murders and intrigues he distances himself from her and for very good reason refuses to eat anything she has had access to (which in the palace is pretty much everything). When he has a natural and fairly mild stroke [he’s an old man with a stressful job {ruling the world} and who’s just had many major blows and revelations in his family]) he tries to ban her from his presence, but in a weakened condition that is not possible.
Even Tiberius thinks that his mother, now 70 or thereabouts and who in many ways really is the paragon of Roman wives [fidelity, serving her husband, frugal, etc.- if it weren’t for murdering her husband’s family one by one to favor her own son she doesn’t particularly like she’d be perfect], will stop short of killing her husband, and of course there’s the practical matter: he will not eat anything that can be poisoned. The only thing he will eat by the end are figs that are picked from a tree in his garden that he can see from his bed.
Thus this scene.
In a later scene when Livia is ancient she extracts a major promise from her grandson Claudius (who she’s always loathed but at first doesn’t consider worth killing and later spares for the purposes of extracting this favor, which I won’t spoil for you because it’s a good 'un). Claudius consents to the favor but only if she’ll confess all to him- he assures her it isn’t for vengeance, he just wants to know as a historian. At that point she tells him the details of the various murders she committed, and also of the murders she didn’t commit {“No, he really did die of natural gangrene from his wound” or “no, his wife poisoned him”… “though I had planned to kill them”). In this scene she admits to killing Augustus but also confesses it was by far the hardest thing she ever had to do, and the way she did it was by waiting til he slept then personally rubbing the figs with poison while they were still on the tree.
In the book (but not in the miniseries) when Claudius is aghast and drooling at this and asks her ‘how could you find the nerve for such a crime’, she tells him “I never forgot who my father was”. Livia’s father, Marcus Livius, had sided with Brutus and Cassius in the Civil War and killed himself after Philippi rather than be taken alive by Octavian/Augustus and his then ally Marc Antony (who was also an ancestor of most of her victims [as well as her grandchildren]).[/spoiler]
Today at the store the pressure pane where I sign my name after a credit card purchase stayed blank for the first few attempts. I found myself using Old Lodge Skins’ line from Little Big Man:
“Well, sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn’t.”
Some lines I use are so obsure that even I don’t know were they come from.
When my wife would splurge on an item, I’d use a German accent and say *“But Momma! Such extravagance!” *
Or, when someone is having difficulties, a Warner Brothers’ WWII Japanese sadist “Ha ha ha! Where is your Jesus now?”
I’ve used that one. Also, when I feel I’m being ignored, Old Lodge Skins line “I’m invisible!”