And a little further back:
What’s a dog with wings?
Linda McCartney.
How is Yoko Ono like a starving Ethiopian?
They both live off dead beetles.
SRSLY she was totally PHSL.
What were the last words heard over the Challenger radio?
What does this button do? (for the non-astronaut teacher on board).
What do you call a man with 3 bits of wood on his head?
*Edward Woodward. * (It’s been a long time since The Equalizer).
You got lost in Berlin. How do you find the correct direction?
You take a banana, put it on top of the wall and wait. The side where a chunk gets bitten off is east.
OK, really really obsolete joke comng… Many of the above still work, btw.
A guy with a wooden eye goes to a dance. He attempts to get several girls to dance, with no luck. Finally, the only other wallflower is a lonely looking with a cleft lip. Sucking up his curage, he asks,
“Would you like to dance?”
She says, “Would I!” Would I!"
Indignantly he replies, “Hare Lip! Hare lip!”
Remember rape jokes? I remember Larry Wilde’s The Official Virgins/Sex Maniacs Joke Book had a whole section of rape jokes.
JUDICIAL JUDGMENT
Rape is impossible. A woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
Why have such jokes gone out of fashion, I wonder?
What were Christa McAulliffe’s last words?
"No -
BUD
light!"
I am sooooo going to Hell - where they repeat the same commercials over and over and over …
There’s the one in “The Blues Brothers” where they’re waiting to get into the fancy restaurant where their old horn player is now the Maitre D’. He’s speaking on the phone with someone and says “No sir, Mayor Daley no longer dines here. He’s dead, sir.”
Sorry, that was Larry Wilde. Not Larry Gonick.
What’s happened to us?
If I were to start a “Rape Jokes Thread” in any SDMB forum, how long before it would get shut down?
George Carlin, BTW, did some funny rape material on one of his recent albums.
And then were was a routine about rape among Eskimoes . . .
Because Tex Antoine ruined it for everyone.
Antoine was a weatherman in the NYC area. He told a similar joke – “If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it” – immediately after a news story about a 5 year old girl being raped and was fired.
Both of these are circa 1990.
Q: What do Marilyn Quayle and Marion Barry have in common?
A: They both occasionally blow a little dope.
Q: What do Woody Allen, Arm & Hammer baking soda, and Kodak film all have in common?
A: They all come in little yellow boxes.
Didja know Christa McAuliffe had blue eyes?
One blew that way, one blew that way . . .
Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: Well, the dishwasher has to match the stove and the fridge!
Why did Jedediah fail to buy his buggy-whip? He spent all his money purchasing negroes!
And of course, there’s the “Confucius say . . .” jokes.
Didja hear they just found a survivor from the Heaven’s Gate cult? Yea, the guy was Polish, they found him under the sink, looking for the comet.
I told that joke one time to a guy who said “I’m from Warsaw and I didn’t find that funny at all”, so I told him “I’m sorry, I’ll tell it again slower”. He got pissed! I mean, he was steaming! He reached into his pocket and pulled out a razor and started chasing me around. I’ll tell you this, I would have been in real trouble if he’d have found an outlet to plug it in…
Substitute blond/Aggie/moron/Democrat/whatever nowadays, but they are still the same jokes.
Oooh, that reminds me of one from around the 1988 Presidential election.
Q. Why does Kitty Dukakis have sex slowly?
A. She has a governor on her!
Blonde jokes are different. Poles are stereotyped as stupid, crude and slovenly. E.g., “How can you tell if a Polish woman is having her period? She’s only wearing one sock!”* Blondes are stereotyped as stupid, oversexed and vain. “How do you drown a blonde? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a swimming pool!” As for moron jokes – discussed above.
*“And what’s the new plague sweeping Poland? Toxic sock syndrome!”
(Remember that bad-tampon scare from the '80s?)
Yeah, I remember there was a toxic shock-rock group.
They only played ragtime.