Some of you may already know, GrizzWife suffered a devastating a little over five years ago. After eight years of all sorts of fertility treatments, she became pregnant with twins (boy & girl) and due December 1st, 2000.
Grizzwife was hospitalized in mid-September of that year because our son’s amniotic sac was leaking fluid. She went into labor after three weeks in hospital and delivered our children on Oct 3rd.
In an odd twist, our daughter died three days after she was born.
Yeah… we have “issues”.
But I told you that to let you know that I have experienced the loss of a child.
And, let me tell you… it’s something I wouldn’t wish on ANYONE!
Many of us know parents who have had their infant die; or who have suffered a miscarriage in it’s final stages. Those parents still may carry the pain within them for a long period of time. Their friends may act as if the loss was of little consequence because the child never fully became a part of their family; or may treat it as a memory to be locked away and forgotten. Other prople will try to tell the parents that they know their pain. I can tell you that, unless you’ve lived it, you cannot know it. For us, every milestone that’s passed by our son is one that will NOT be passed by his twin sister.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month as proclaimed by President Reagan in 1988.
There’s action within Congress to establish Oct 15th as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day.
You may see people wearing pink-and-blue ribbons or pins in commemoration of this month.
I encourage you to remember your friends and relatives who’ve suffered such a loss this month; or perhaps, close to the birthday or due-date of their late child.
And to my fellow Dopers who’ve experienced this type of loss, I’m sorry that this month carries a special message for you.
A couple I know had their little girl die in the womb less than a month before her due date. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain. I don’t have kids, but I’m sitting here tearing up just thinking about it.
To all who have suffered such a heartbreaking loss…all I can say is I’m so sorry. There just aren’t words.
When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy. A few weeks after I announced it, a close friend of mine confirmed her pregnancy too. We were so excited to go through it toghter. We went to pre-natal classes together and shopped for maternity clothes together. She was due two weeks after me, I was due around January 15.
On New Years Day she noticed her fetal movement counts were way down. She drank some juice and relaxed, hoping to spur a flurry of kicks. Nothing. They went to the hospital and were hooked up to a monitor. Two hours of searching for signs of life. Nothing. The baby was dead. They induced labor and she had a beautiful seemingly perfect baby girl at 36 weeks. They named her Madison.
Madison died because my friend got a blood clot in the umbilical cord. There was nothing anyone could’ve done.
It took many months before she could come around to see my little girl. I can’t imagine how much it would hurt to look at another child and know yours would’ve been about the same size, age, development.
They have since had a son (she was on medication for the condition), but they still think of their Madison.
I think that from the day you first heat that you’re pregnant, there’s never another day that will go by that you don’t fear for the safety of your child. It simply never ends. I’m so sorry for anyone who must endure that loss. You’re right, there’s no way we could concieve of the sorrow and I’m in awe of the strength some are able to muster to deal with their grief.
I have two children, and the thought of one of them…damn, I can’t even type it. Children aren’t supposed to die before the parents. It goes against the natural order.
A piece of your heart is missing. I’m so sorry for your loss.
A friend of mine lost her baby about a year and a half ago, and we almost lost my friend in the process. She had a partial molar pregnancy, and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. The baby had no chance of survival.
My friend is doing very well now, and is very thankful for her other two daughters. She has grown so much from her experience, and I am so proud of her. I don’t think I could have handled it as well as she has, but she is an amazing person. It’s terrible to lose a child, and I would never wish that on anyone.
Thank you GrizzRich I had no idea there was such a thing.
I share your pain. I had my first daughter, Jennifer, on April 13, 1984. On June 5, 1985 we were in a terrible car accident and she didn’t survive.
In 1989 my third daughter, Jeanette, died on November 18 just 4 days after she was born. She had a condition called holoprocencephaly sequence. The doctor said it was a birth defect that was “incompatible with life”. We removed her life support on my birthday, November 17th. We held her and cried and said goodbye.
But my middle daughter has made it to the ripe old age of 19. She’s in college and she’s a treasure and I try very hard not to live in fear that I’ll lose her too.
You’re right. No one who hasn’t been there knows what it feels like. What I do know is that it changed me forever.