Or the guy failed to use his pee penis?
In 8th grade, our class cracked up for a whole minute when we read aloud the play Our Town in which there is a quote that’s sorta like this:
Not sex-ed related, but in our 8th grade English class, the teacher talked about how some teachers switch careers because they get teacher burnout. That caused quite a laugh riot.
We laughed and laughed and laughed. And then we were hungry.
I know someone who, at 36 years old, just found out that she had HPV.
“Well, at least it isn’t an STD,” she said.
“Um…yes. It is.”
“Really? How do you get it?”
We actually had very good sex ed at our public Iowa high school. The sex ed teacher was the wrestling coach. He was seriously dumb, but at least he taught straight out of the book, which was good. He had all kinds of models and displays. We had a plastic, take apart models of the female and male reproductive systems, a big display that contained an example of every kind of birth control, and boxes of condoms and bananas to practice on.
One day, some joker stole the diaphragm out of the birth control display.
The teacher was incensed. He angrily demanded of our class,
"Okay–who stole my diaphragm?!?"
We were rolling in the aisles.
Sophie: Unfortunately, I didn’t have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor.
Jerry: You got gonorrhea from a tractor?? And you call that your tractor
story??
Kramer: You can’t get it from that.
Sophie: But I did. My boyfriend said I got gonorrhea from riding the tractor in my bathing suit.
Our teacher mentioned blue balls, leading me to groan audibly.
She continued, “…does not exist. It’s just a way men try to pressure women into having sex.”
I probably shouldn’t admit to this, but here goes:
Around about 6th grade, which was 1980/81 for me, everyone in our class was handed out sex education booklets telling us “the facts.” The books were clearly dated, showing pictures of girls in mini-skirts & beehives circa 1965.
The book’s list of definitions included the term “homosexual”, which it defined as ‘men who perform sexual intercourse with other men.’ Period. But accompanying the definition was a picture of a sinister looking adult guy leering evilly at some teenage kids from across a schoolyard. The photo had a caption: “Homosexuals frequently scout out schools so that they may approach & befriend troubled-looking youths.”
That sounds offensive to me now. But the funny part was that after I read that, I must have spent two whole weeks every day after school meandering around the schoolyard, scouring the place for homosexuals who might want to ‘approach & befriend’ me. I was reallly upset when I couldn’t find any of them.
It does, though! The Dodge logo has a cervix and everything! It’s seriously uncanny!
When I was in high school, I published an editorial in the student paper expressing the opinion that the health class (which included sex ed in the curriculum) was a waste of time. I prominently featured statistics specific to the school supporting my argument. I was then hauled into the principal’s office and forced to (a) apologize to the sputteringly offended health-class teacher, and (b) promise to write a retraction.
Not really a moment. I guess. More like many days of sustained bullshit.
We had a substitute teacher for sex ed in grade 7, who pronounced the word “condom” sort of half-way between “con-domme” (like the British) and “con-dome.” I can’t say why it was so funny, but it was.
That’s such stereotyping! It isn’t always a big performance. Some days I skip the Klieg lights and grease paint entirely.
That was more or less my reaction too. Damned if I couldn’t find any homosexuals at all to approach and befriend me until well into my second semester at college. Quelle pout.
I must have been 15 or 16. Mom decides it’s time to have a refresher session of “the talk.”
“Honey, do you have any questions about sex you’d like to ask me?”
I didn’t hesitate. “No. Do you have any you’d like to ask of me?”
No, I wasn’t active at that time, but it seemed such a waste to pass up a straight line like that!
Biology class at the age of about 12. Topic: human reproduction. Much tittering and tense embarrassment in class. Teacher asks if anyone can define ‘testicles’. One girl, who prides herself on being bold, mature and uninhibited says ‘the male sexual organ’. This provoked an outraged squawk from one of the boys, who roared “MAYBE YOUR DAD F**KS WITH HIS BALLS!”
The only thing that comes to mind is the smarty-pants girl in 4th grade whose extra-credit paper for the sex ed class included a drawing of the male sexual organs that resembled, I swear, a hot water bottle more than anything else. I remember that she had an infant brother; I think she kind of scaled his baby junk up and made some incorrect assumptions.
11th Grade Bio. We are discussing human reproduction. We were all given about fifteen pages of handouts which would be projected on the screen as we discussed each one. The teacher was notoriously scattered and would invariably miss giving some students certain pages so they’d have to interrupt to get the teacher to give them one.
When the page showing a drawing of a penis went up on the screen. Poor Gary went through his papers and couldn’t find that page. To his everlasting (well for the rest of high school anyway) shame he shouted out, “Hey, Mrs S, I don’t have one of those.”
He never lived it down.
During my first sex ed class in 5th grade, a fire started in the recently remodeled girls’ restroom. (It was later traced to faulty wiring.) So we got to sit outside and watch the firetrucks.
I had a class in high school with a girl whose first child was conceived in a John Deere tractor. She and her boyfriend had some very interesting fights – right in the middle of class, too!
My teachers decided to cover their embarassment by making us learn, draw, and label every detail of the male and female urogenital tracts to a degree that would impress a first year med student. I think that was their way to avoid discussing any topic that might upset the religiously conservative parents in town.
Anyway, the one thing I actually remember from that time (my parents, bless their hearts, had taught me the essentials when I was five or six years old) was my teacher explaining that the vas defererns had gotten its name at a medical conference from an old German professor who, after the members had argued for hours over the best name, exclaimed “Vas Deferens”, meaning “what’s the difference?”
I have no idea whether that story is true, but it’s stuck with me after all these years. Strange that this thread should come up now, because I just asked my veterinarian a week ago after one of my rats was neutered. (Poor woman can’t possibly make any money on my visits, because we get to chatting and always go way overtime). She had no idea but said it sounded plausible. Anyone care to fight my ignorance?
One of my high school friends had gone to a Catholic all-boys middle school, and apparently the sex-ed there was… incomplete. At lunchtime one day, he said something (I don’t remember what) that clued the rest of us in to just how lacking his education in that area was. I think he didn’t know that women had 3 holes, and didn’t believe us when we tried to convince him. I was taking Anatomy & Physiology that year, so I got out my textbook and opened it to the drawing of female genitalia, spreadeagled, to show him.
“It’s all wrinkly!!!” was his shocked response.
He was a sweet guy, but naive in lots of ways and therefore an easy mark… he never lived that one down.
Plausible? Are you serious? Anyway a quick Google search will tell you that it’s Latin for “vessel for carrying away.”
I once had to explain to a 24 year old male that women had three holes. In his defense, he was gay, so he really didn’t find learning the information all that relevant. But still, it’s kind of shocking when you grow up accustomed to a simple fact of life and then someone else acts completely surprised.
Granted, I know very little about male reproductive anatomy myself. I do remember in high school health class, I approached sex education with all the zeal of any other class, much to the bemusement of my fellow classmates, who were accustomed to viewing me as purity and light and goody-goody through and through. I remember specifically being very fascinated with the idea that men could not pee and ejaculate at the same time, and I asked my teacher all sorts of probing questions regarding this matter.
Penises are weird and mystifying. And they have their share of wrinkles too!