Nope, my job skill is selling and they’ve just finished a big recruitment drive for other positions on the teams so there is no placements left, trust me I enquired alot about it.
Just out of personal opinions, if I do leave the job, will it look like I left because of them? Because I wanted to stay until I felt that they no longer were a big deal, is that a bad thing?
Is the general consensus here that I leave my job? Fear is a big thing, I’ve been there 3 years and change has become weird for me, even though I know the situation at my place cannot last longer.
Try smiling more and frowning less; try caring less about what other people talk about because if they are talking about you, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Do your job conscientiously and well; take a little pride in how well you do it even though you hate it. You might even learn to like it.
Ryan, you keep saying that J is a friend but I scanned through and didn’t find you saying a single thing about her that you like. You’ve basically described her as an annoying, controlling whackjob.
You sound like you can’t fucking stand her, why do you consider her a friend?
Thanks, I’m sure that was meant in the nicest possible way.
Because she’s the only one left I hang around with, and if I piss her off then I’d be completely on my own. I understand it might seem harsh treatment to describe her as such, but I haven’t got any other way of describing her, because seriously, that’s what she’s like.
Examples;
She’s had problems right? As a ‘friend’ I have given her advice, in which she’ll reply ‘no that’s not right because’ rinse repeat. I’ve had hour long arguments with her, seriously. It’s like any advice she gives me is Gospel, anything I’ve got to say is immediately dismissed.
Her controlling ways are like this, for instance, she’ll ask me where I would like to go and do something, she’ll suggest otherwise, and then we go to somewhere she likes instead. Kinda like guilt tripping me into doing something.
It’s ridiculous stupid things as well, you won’t believe, but everytime it’s lunch hour, and I mean every.single.day she will, without fail, try and link arms with me, tries to feel my elbow and sing a song (LOUD) With chart topping lyrics such as:
Ryan Gadison…he’s a badison!!! Looks like a mannequin, and he’s never even had a son!!! (WTF!!!)
Ryan! Why are you crying?..toonight!
And yes, she sang this in work too.
And another gem in which she openly declares that she needs to go for a wee (she actually says it as I typed it) every day, seriously I do not make this shit up. It’s like she has absolutely no internal monologue.
I used to go out on day trips with her, and went for a few drinks with her as well, I immediately put a stop to making any serious contact with her outside of work about two months ago. She is a horrible, embarrising drunk. Even louder and more volatile. So the negative completely outweighs any good aspects she has.
It’s cringeworthy things which annoy me, ok, on the odd occasion it should happen to everyone, but when you’ve experienced it day in, day out for a year on end it’s enough to drive you up the wall. I feel bad about bitchin what she’s like to a bunch of strangers, I apologise, but I needed to get this off my chest, I thank you all for still listenin’ to my problems, I do really appreciate it.
There is no guarantee there won’t be some other issue at your next job. Unless everyone works in isolated ambivalence, chances are any work environment will have some sort of interpersonal conflict creep up from time to time. You can’t just up and quit every time. But if you’ve been there 3 years and it’s that intolerable, by all means look for another job.
And what I don’t understand is why you are acting like you are one of their gal pals. You need to maintain some masculine distance from them.
And demand some fucking respect for Christ’s sake. How about learning to say stuff like “you need to stop speaking to me like that” or “I’m not going to talk to you about this at work”.
It’s less important what your reason for leaving looks like to your ex-employer than to your new employer. And of course, you don’t have to tell your new employer that you left because you got entangled in some bizarre web of sexual intrigue. You simply say something like “I want to leave because I feel I have progressed as far as I can within that organisation.” OK, not that exactly - it’s Saturday and I’ve taken off my work head - but certainly the situation you’ve described is not one you should be discussing at an interview.
It’s not inherently a bad thing to want to sort out problems with colleagues before you move on. After all, some day you may want to return to your current company, and it wouldn’t be pleasant to find any of these people interviewing you. But can you sort out these problems?
I must second the advice to move on. Of course, I know that isn’t easy right now, what with the economy being what it is, but I’d sure as hell be looking around to see what there is.
What do you mean by ‘Masculine distance?’ humour me because I don’t have the ability to look outside of myself to analyse the situation.
I do have friends outside of work, but they got their own lives, I know I should try and get some more, it’s just hard. Seems like at 23 my life has come to a halt for no reason.
It’s like, you almost sound like your feelings are hurt because they didn’t invite you to drink Cosmos and chat about Gossip Girl or something.
What I mean by “masculine distance” is that you can be friendly or even friends with the girls, but you don’t act like one. You stay a bit aloof. You’re not interested in a lot of their topics of conversation. They aren’t interested in talking about “guy stuff”. You aren’t rude about it, just sort of apathetic and noncommittal.
THink of it as an extra level of professional aloofness.
It’s not that you can’t ever be friends with people from work. But the mere fact that you share an employer doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything in common. Choose with care, always remembering that you need to have a professional relationship with them as well as a friendship. This is especially important if you feel the need to locate various parts of your body inside various parts of their bodies.
Ah, I know what you mean, like, it’s not that I don’t keep a distance, I do, however…since my team is majority women, I just kinda fell into all that bullshit drama, seriously, I never expected things to get as bad as they did.
Hello, Ryan! I remember you well. You were here about the time that I first came here. I had wondered what had become of you!
These girlies sound like they are ready to sign up for From Ladettes to Ladies. If you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know why I say that. They sound very insecure and emotional and generally silly. (And you thought high school girls were crazy!)
If you really hate the work itself, I would try to find another job. If it’s just that you seem to have alienated everyone, you probably haven’t. You really sound depressed. I don’t mean that you sound sad or have the blues. Depression can make you feel weak and hopeless and overwhelmed. It can also distort reality a little so that things look a lot worse than they are.
So if you decide to stay, the first thing that I would do is to see a doctor and tell him that you have been suicidally depressed. You made need to talk this over with a professional or you made simply need the right medication or maybe a little of both. Either way, you will probably feel a lot stronger and more in control in just three to six weeks.
You will learn how not to rent these people space in your head. What matters is what you think of yourself. You will learn to set boundaries that you won’t allow other people to cross with you. You’ll learn not to let someone run over you, but you’ll do it without becoming aggressive. With luck, you can start to feel more comfortable in your skin.
Believe me, Ryan, you are much stronger than you think you are. The meds that I took saved my life.
What do you think about the possibility of talking one on one, man to man with the male members of your team that you got along with before these silly girls came along? You might try to rebuild some of the rapport you had with them.
And remember, you can only dread one day at a time.
