Oh dear me! that was close...

I catered for a group of twenty-five visitors to our church today (leek & potato soup, chicken pie & veg, apple strudel & custard or fresh fruit pavlova) I thought I’d get a head start on the pavlova, so I whipped the cream and the filling*

I put these items in the fridge; because I expected to use them again in half an hour, I thought maybe I wouldn’t bother covering the bowls, but then on a whim decided to put clingfilm on anyway.

Halfway through cooking the main course, one of my helpers exclaimed “what’s all this in the fridge?” - I went to look and there’s been a milk spillage in there - little puddles of milk were all over the place, including on my tightly-stretched clingfilm. Oh, that’s nothing, you’re thinking. Cream, custard - milk - dairy products, just whisk it in and there’s no problem.

Only that the milk that was spilled was leaking out of this sort of contraption that looked a bit like a mutated plant sprayer. One of the guests had been expressing breast milk with a pump device and left it on the top shelf, where it subsequently fell over and leaked.

A narrow squeak that one - as I very nearly didn’t bother covering the cream and custard bowls. The question is though, if I hadn’t covered them, and some human milk had dripped into them… what would I have done?
*[sup]The Mangetout variant pavlova uses those leftover egg yolks with some cream to make a rich vanilla custard, which is cooled, then whisked together with an equal amount of mascarpone and sandwiched in the middle of the meringue (which is baked as two thin layers instead of a single thicker one)[/sup]

Note to self: When “shopping” for a new church, forget ranking its scriptural teachings and outreach programs. Cherchez la grub, instead!

Good save on the custard, and I’m not sure what I’d’ve done in your situation if the milk had spilled in the bowls… (No use crying, after all!)

I would say a prayer over “the milk of human kindness” and make the best of it. I would also grin a lot at every church gathering for the rest of my life.

Don’t be surprised if this story shows up in a book. It is hilarious!

It’s already being referred to as ‘The Milk Incident’ by those in the know; no actual contamination occurred, of course and I’m not even sure exactly why it would be a big deal… it’s just that it would be.

In my relentless culinary pursuits, I have often wished for the opportunity to sample human milk; there were reasons why this couldn’t happen whe my wife gave birth to our own children and from anyone else it would just be too weird.