While sprawling in bed last night, I decided I could learn something, so I turned on the local news. Oh, learn something I did.
Oh, I see what you did there. . .
And then, while getting ready for work right now, I swear to all things happy they just said- with complete seriousness,
Well, thank God.
Local news can be amusing at times. Once, years ago, hubby and I were having a long weekend in Nowheresville, WV (really, it was Elkins, WV, but Nowheresville is more accurate). On Saturday night, we thought maybe we’d go see a movie, so we bought a local newspaper to see what was playing.
The lead story (the lead story) was about the meteor storm the previous night. The newspaper said many local residents were gathered in a large field to watch the meteor storm, but unfortunately, the sky was too cloudy. Several times, people thought they saw meteors, but twice the lights turned out to be from an airplane, and once. . .(wait for it)
it was a firefly! :D:D:D
This was years ago, and we still laugh. Not only did someone mistake a freakin’ firefly for a freakin’ meteor, but then they put it on the front freakin’ page of their newspaper!! Bwahahahahaha.
We did go see a movie that night, but the newspaper was more entertaining.
“It looks like we may finally be getting a break from the heat wave! Weather at ten.”
Doesn’t sound silly? Consider the nature of the “heat wave.” That day it was 75. The previous day it was 60. The day before that, and every day for the past six months, it was below 35. We’d suffered a record number of blizzards that year.
Everytime I see a thread like this I like to mention a certain story.
Some local guys were coming back from Desert Storm. Full camera coverage as they disembark at the local airport. Guy goes into a tight clinch with his wife, and the chirpy reporter points a mike at them and asks “Do you have any plans for this evening?”
We just had the Superbowl in our area and the local reporters were not prepared to handle “Big Stars!”. I think the only adjective they knew was “cool”. One female reporter, after interviewing Kevin Costner, went on and on about how cool he was, using “cool” at least 3 or 4 times. A male reporter, interviewing another star, Carmen Electra I think, went on and on about all the cool parties. I lost count of how many times he said “cool”. I tried to ignore most of the local coverage (which was overdone) but I’m sure there were many more uses of the word “cool”.
I grew up in the town where this upstanding gentleman was from. I distinctly remember watching the local news one night as he was about to stand trial, and being informed that his congregants were somewhat disconcerted by the whole thing.
…really? If your religious leader - someone who many people trust their children with, and who many look directly at for moral guidance and advice about how to be a good person - is accused of murder, you might be unsettled by it? Huh, thanks local news!
I remember hunting trips, as a kid. We’d stay at a nasty old motel (or sometimes, the basement of a family’s house) Getting up at Oh-God-Thirty on one trip, I turned on the ol’ B&W TV to see what was on. Nothing-nothing-nothing-nothing-A camera on an oscillating motor, slowly sweeping past three gauges: Temperature, Wind Speed, Wind Direction, nothing-nothing-nothing.
One time the local news misspelled the name of the city. Their own city. In which they were located and reported on every day. They misspelled Madison “Madsion.”
I 'bout bust a gut. It’s not like its Oconomowoc or Poughkeepsie or Ypsilanti; it’s Madison. One of the easier city names to spell, really.
I have a problem with news, but it’s not the quality of the news, it’s the reporters.
I lived in Boston, where the local news woman on the channel we preferred had the last name of Pryzbl. My husband decided he could not deal with her until she got some vowels in her name, and I’m not buying that whole “somtimes Y and W” crap. So we switched channels.
Then we moved to Iowa, where we now have the unfortunately named Sunny Lane reporting the local nothingness for us. Clearly, her parents had the high hopes that she would some day be a stripper.
I’m also very disturbed that all of the women involved in our current local news have the same horrible hair cut that was in style around 1991. It’s like Stepford Iowans. They either ordered their wigs in bulk to get the lower price or some local hair stylist is having her revenge on girls who were mean to her in high school.
Can you give an example of such haircuts, KnitWit?
It’s the proto-Weather Channel! 
It’s basically this one:
http://theglamourouslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/vb.jpg
But only on people who it does NOT suit at all.
A couple of promos for local news that have made me laugh in the past are:
“He filmed himself having sex with underage girls, now the tapes are in the hands of the police and the newest Olympic sport.”
“Sex for cash in Utah county, join us at 9:00.”
These are both from the same station.
I read the web edition of our local news daily (although it doesn’t have full coverage and they don’t archive the damn thing), mostly to keep track of local criminal cases. If I read the editorial pieces my eyes get sore from all the rolling.
My family are all Republicans, so it’s not like I hate on the paper because it has a Rep. slant. It’s that it has a really wonky right slant. Like, Freeper right. So anyways amidst their bitching about the new administration, they ran a piece about the uptick of business at one of the gun stores. The owner of said store wasn’t content just to complain about Obama “taking his guns”, but went on to state that the Government covered up aliens, Jews did WTC, the whole kibosh. And that was why we all needed guns. I know it sounds like the guy was making it up but if you lived here you’d know people really are that jacked up crazy out here.
Anyways, good way to shoot yourself (har!) in the foot there, guys.
Our news boopsie has been on the air since TV went to color. Not only is she an Institution, but she is The Voice of Health. Constantly does ‘eat this fast food, not that fast food’ features. During State Fair week, she is down there, on her throne, doing the news live and telling us viewers - for the umpteenth year in a row - that deep fried blooming onions, sausage sandwiches, and pints of ice cream are a) fattening and b) bad for you. Followed by healthier choices! Thanks for the tips, Carrie!
Kevin Costner is not “cool”. He might be considered neat. Of course, anyone who says my show is neat has to go.
Well, there was your first mistake.
So? What’d they say?
A number of years ago there was a local anchorman who had trouble pronouncing his own name. He spoke perfectly well the rest of the time, but when he had to say his name, there was a break after the first name, then a bizarre emphasis on part of the last name. The guy didn’t last long.
He was probably using an invented on-air name. Common practice, and I can see how it would be easy to get caught up on “I’m… someone else.”