oh my god [picky eater]

In My Humble Opinion
141

I used to be a picky eater as a kid and it’s possible my relatives still think I’m a picky eater. But I have food issues beyond not liking a number of things (or a number of ways to prepare things)*.

First, like I mentioned in the other thread, its really easy for me just to not feel like eating, and especially if I have low blood sugar food is absolutely unappealing (which is about the stupidest thing in the world, but there you go.)

Second, there’s the texture/blandness issue. Anything bland (anything from bananas to turkey sandwiches) I may not be able to swallow. I literally have to consciously swallow. I may gag. If I’m doing very badly I may have to spit it out. I haven’t had a real issue with this in several years, because I recognize the warning signs.

Third, I have a small stomach. I just plain can’t eat very much. And I’ll go from ‘I would love to have more of that!’ to ‘if I have another bite, I will literally be sick’ in just a few mouthfulls. So I may leave my plate half full because I served myself too much, because I felt ravenous when I was filling my it.

There are people I don’t like to go out to eat with, just because it’s too much trouble (some of that is because their food dislikes - usually medical - conflict with my food dislikes.) And eating while traveling can be an issue, because I don’t like fast food burger places like McDonalds (it starts with the french fry smell making me nauseous, then I don’t feel like eating because there’s nothing I actually like…) But home cooked meals and mid- to upper- scale restaurants usually aren’t a problem, unless everything is fried and/or swimming in butter.

I don’t like to make waves. Food is not that important to me. I’m not going to ask for a menu or call things gross or anything like that. If I have to only eat side dishes, that’s fine. If I have to cut off the spicy exterior of a steak, I’ll manage. It’s not embarrassing as long as no one decides to make an issue of it. I will most likely get full, or full enough, in any case.

  • A partial list - some I’ll eat if they’re in stuff, some I just won’t eat at all: potatoes, rice pilaf, soda, asparagus, okra, most fried foods, canned vegetables, anything swimming in butter, hamburgers, spicy stuff (it depends on the type of spice, naturally), salad (green salads I’ll eat the good stuff out of and some of the lettuce), any tea but hot black, jasmine, or green, coffee, cantaloupe, baked beans, many kinds of beans, corn in kernel form, oatmeal and any other hot cereals, and probably more I’m not thinking of.

But I’m willing to try just about anything, even if it has ingredients I don’t usually like. As far as I know, I don’t have any food allergies.

142

See, I think you’re not understanding something. If I am at someone’s house and they make a meal for me and don’t know/forgot/don’t care that I don’t eat bacon or peanut butter and served me a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, I WOULD EAT IT. I would choke it down. I would feel grossed out with every bite. I would feel nauseated. I would definitely have gastric distress later. But I WOULD EAT IT.

Maybe I am crazy (well, actually, I AM crazy) but if someone goes to the trouble of making me a meal, I am going to get it down and be appreciative (not just act appreciative but BE appreciative).

Why? Cause that’s what my parents taught me. To always be appreciative of someone who (even misguidedly) is trying to do something nice for you.

143

Quite the contrary. If you care to point out some examples of the hatred, I’ll gladly reconsider.

144

But what you’re not understanding is not everyone is capable of doing that. Sitting at a guests table and gagging up your food is far, far worse than politely saying “no thank you”.

145

I can understand why you do this. However, each time someone serves you something with nuts in it (perhaps they use a nut powder or peanut butter so you can’t tell), and you don’t fall over in anaphylactic shock, then their suspicions that “allergy” means “I just don’t like this food” are confirmed. And those of us who actually DO have problems with certain foods and ingredients are assured that a dish doesn’t have any allergens in it, because these folks have successfully served nuts to you and you didn’t suffer from it. And I have had people tell me that my food sensitivities were all in my head. And these people tried to give me stuff after I’d told them that I couldn’t eat certain things, because they were convinced that if I just tried their marvelous dip or whatever that I would fall in love with it. I love the taste of a lot of stuff that I can’t eat.

Offering something multiple times is very common, even expected, in some cultures. The guest is expected to refuse at least twice, then accept. And some people won’t take a child’s refusal under any circumstances, and will insist that the child try the yummy onion dip, despite the child saying that she can’t eat raw onions.

146

I have no food issues at all, so the only parallel I can imagine for myself would be to journey somewhere that has a food culture completely, utterly different from mine…like if I were visiting someplace, and I were offered mashed mealworms or something.

Yeah, no. I’d still eat it. I’d pretty much have to, because they made it for me.

This is, OF COURSE, completely independent from any health issues or food allergies. Those are quite obviously a different matter.

147

Great. That has nothing to do with anything anyone has said in this thread.

148

Why should I make myself suffer - and possibly throw up, if I’m having a bad week - to choke down something I don’t like? I regularly eat at my relative’s house, and yes, I appreciate the food I’m served. But you know what I appreciate MORE? Being with my family. That’s a lot better than food. Again, I don’t make an issue, and again, it’s rare that I can’t eat something at all (main dishes usually aren’t a problem - I might have to cut the outside off a steak or something like that).

To give a specific example: a few weeks ago, we had a get-together. My uncle and aunt served pasta with meatballs, with salad and bread. I ate some vegetables meant for the salad, bread, the chicken pasta which was fantastic, and a meatball which I didn’t care for. I complimented my aunt on the pasta (and my grandmother decided I should take most of the leftovers home, which I thought was unnecessary and a bit rude to my aunt). Yes, I left a meatball on my plate and some pasta that I couldn’t finish. So what?

I think you’re the one making too big of an issue of this. If I served something a guest didn’t like, I’d rather they say ‘no thank you’ rather than make themselves sick. You can BE appreciative of the effort even if you can’t enjoy the result. Besides, you do that, then people think you LIKE it and they make it all the time and you have to suffer! That sucks!

149

Except to those people that have posted about how annoying it is to be offered again and again. And to those that think it’s rude to say no thank you.

150

Not every allergic reaction is “fall over in anaphylactic shock”, though. I’m allergic to nuts and berries, and didn’t even know it for the first 20-25 years of my life. Each time, my reaction gets a little worse, though.

For years my mother didn’t believe I was really allergic, and was just being picky. So she’d slip almonds or something into desserts so she could crow in triumph that it was all in my head. Except I’d break out in a horrible rash for days after. Teaching people that allergies = immediate death is a terrible idea, too.

Instead, people should be taught that they shouldn’t be jackasses, no matter what their opinion is of what they’re told about the things that someone can or cannot eat. (my mom finally did stop that crap… once my nephew turned out to have nut allergies with a worse reaction, she wised up.)

151

No, when I say toleration, I mean that if a picky person refuses to eat something, that refusal should be respected without someone insisting they cram food down their throat. And in turn, picky people need to respect that others aren’t always going to bend over backwards to accomodate their taste buds.

What neither side should be expecting is that others change their feelings. There’s nothing wrong with dumping someone because their food preferences irk the crap out of you.

152

Nobody in this thread has said that they offer the same thing again and again.

153

you with the face, it sounds like what you are talking about is often called politeness. If so, I’m for it.

154

Please don’t ever come to my house. You would cause me no end of distress and embarrassment by doing such a thing. I want my guests to enjoy their visit, and I would a million times prefer to fix someone a grilled cheese or some eggs or a PBJ than to have them make themselves miserable by forcing down something that they hate and will make them sick. Wanting or expecting someone to do such a thing strikes me as the height of assholishness.

155

I think the distaste for picky eaters comes from a fairly basic social principle.

People like people who like things. Enthusiasm is contagious, and it feels good to be excited and interested in things. People who enjoy a variety of experiences are easy to be around, because you know that when you set out, you are going to find something you both enjoy. And they are more likely to show you something new and interesting.

People who have a narrow scope of things they enjoy are harder to be around. They are harder to make mutually-agreeable plans with, and they are less likely to contribute to the evening by leading you to a new and interesting experience. Plus, unenthusiasm is also contagious. One person who is clearly not enjoying themselves can pull the general mood down.

This goes for the person who only likes a narrow variety of movies, only likes to hang out in a few venues, don’t get along with most people, or have a limited range of foods. Unfortunately for food people, food is a large part of our culture so it is more likely to come up. If you just don’t like a lot of movies, you can probably get away without watching movies with friends and coworkers. But it’s tough to not share meals.

156

Yeah. Scarfing something down just to be appease your host might be a good way to martyr yourself, but if you throw up on my carpet or blow up my toilet afterwards, I’m only going to be annoyed by your foolishness. And I’m not cleaning up your mess either.

157

davidm, I am 80% sure that you misunderstood what I wrote. In my world, no one would have to explain why they don’t want to eat anything because in my world “no” means “no.” Allergies and psychological issues and mere dislikes all get lumped together. I personally don’t care for the details, but I don’t care enough to get people to eat something they don’t want to.

Some non-picky people make things harder on themselves by insisting and interrogating the non-partakers in their presence. Otherwise normal people can transform into neurotic nuts just because a person won’t leave them the fuck alone. If you don’t want TMI, don’t nag.

It’s kind of like when I socialize with folks who are imbibing. To be social, I’ll have a little bit of wine, but that’s about it. If I tell you I’m fine, please stop filling my glass, I shouldn’t have to reveal to you I’m on medication to get you off my back. Or I shouldn’t have to say that I don’t particularly like being drunk when I’m in the company of others. But inevitably, some party-hearty fool always insists that I need to loosen up and have some of whatever they are drinking. It’s situations like this that make me want to strangle people sometimes.

158

I would never expect a guest of mine to force down food that disgusts them either. However sometimes I eat food I don’t particularly enjoy because it’s important to someone else. For example, I really don’t like my grandmother’s cooking. It doesn’t disgust me, but I don’t like it. So when I visit her and she cooks dinner, I’ll eat it–even if the vegetables have been boiled long beyond what I would consider overdone. I do it because she’s my grandmother, I don’t eat with her all that often, and it’s very important to her.

To me, being an adult means you sometimes do things you don’t like because it’s important to someone else. Sometimes that’s eating grandma’s cooking. Other times it’s going to your nephew’s school music recital (and listening to an hour and a half of grade school kids slaughtering violins is not something I like).

But that’s just for preferences and likes. Obviously, something that makes you sick or sends you into anaphylactic shock is another thing altogether!

159

We have to depend on ourselves alone to keep us safe, though. I haven’t had an actual anaphylactic reaction yet, but I’ve been told that the itchy mouth and throat the last time I tried eating something with pizza sauce was not a good sign - since then I haven’t dared put any in my mouth and have only suffered hives from accidentally touching things with sauce on them. (God, I hate it when I’m stuck at work and someone gleefully suggests “let’s order pizza!” then gets upset when I demand they wash their hands before I let them use my stuff.) I scrutinize packaging and won’t eat anything that includes “spices” in the ingredients list without being told by the company exactly what “spices” means - fortunately there is one major brand of tomato sauce that doesn’t include the spice(s) I react to, and was willing to divulge which of their product line contains/doesn’t contain it, so I still get to have meatballs. Anyway, no one cares as much as we do, so we have to rely on our own vigilance rather than someone else’s possibly uninformed assumptions about what foods contain.

160

I completely agree, not every allergy reaction is as dramatic as anaphylactic shock. However, some people THINK that if you don’t turn blue and fall over, then you’re not REALLY allergic, you are just telling people that you’re allergic so that you won’t have to eat stuff you don’t like. As in your mom’s case.

I am allergic to a range of antibiotics, and my symptoms will vary according to the particular drug. Levaquim makes me break out in hives all over my body and cause me to be short of breath, for instance, but Bactrim will only make the skin on my left thumb (and ONLY that skin) turn bright red and it will upset my digestion. However, both are allergic reactions.

And if people would allow others to eat or not eat stuff, without insisting that the diner MUST try this or that, then a lot of this drama could be avoided. For instance, upthread Broomstick mentioned that someone gave her a dish that contained ketchup…and she’s deathly allergic to tomatoes. But the cook didn’t reveal the ingredients, just insisted that the dish was safe.