Okay, time for Dopers to list the all time worst Fashion Victims they’ve seen! Along with major fashion faux pas.
*note: yeah, this can be mean-and yeah, maybe sometime one person’s faux pas can be another’s le mode.
Okay, here we go:
All one one man: black skimpy tank top, worn underneath a pullover puffy Pittsburgh Penguins jacket. Gold Penguins earring in one ear. Gold chains-one with a Penguins logo, the other a Steelers logo. Those baggy, printed pants-don’t they call them zumas, or something? They were zebra print. High top sneakers. But the worst part? A major Mullet: cut spiky in front, and fringy-with fringy baby bangs, and long and feathered in the back.
At the same outdoor Little River Band concert one hot July:
Tall, skinny chick. Long, bleached-out blond hair that looked like straw, with black roots. Leathery skin so tanned it was ORANGE. Full makeup. SKINNY – no butt, no boobs. Wearing black jeans and a black leather Harley D halter top. Did I mention the NO BOOBS part? (Mr. S has a better rack.) Absolutely frightful.
Another halter top disaster: This chick had her big overlapping gut hanging out underneath it.*
*No offense to overweight folks – I belong to that club, and I understand the nightmare of trying to find flattering clothes. But I keep my rolls to myself, knowwhatimean?
Oh, God. That was Ed Zotti, on the way to his sister’s wedding.
Quick, Guinnie, see if you can get TVeblen to delete this thread before Ed sees it…oh, man, he is gonna be soooo pissed…
My personal winner and this was at a wedding:
Woman about 5’7’’ 98lb,blue black hair,orange lipstick,and frosted baby blue eyeshadow from lashline to her eyebrows.
She was wearing an acid washed denim miniskirt, a neon pink tank top w/ no bra and ancient pink keds w/ this slouchy socks.
If you looked up either crack whore or caught in the eighties in Websters you would see her picture.
::shudders::
This was something I never before. It happened today on my way to work.
The guy was standing on the corner. He had long frizzy hair, but it was tied up into two small balls, one on the left side of his skull, one on the right.
When you looked at him, I swear I swear I swear, it looked like he had on Mickey Mouse ears. In 3-D.
I would have asked him about it except I drove by while he was standing on the corner. Plus, he looked about 5’7" and weighted, oh, about 275.
Overweight man + Hot summer day + all black spandex= HELP
I remember years ago a woman was pushed under a subway train and had no identification on her. The news broadcasts noted that “she was wearing green sweatpants, brown shoes, a paisley blouse and a checked jacket.” All my friends called me to ask if I had pushed her under the train just for wearing that outfit . . .
There’s a woman in another department who has the absolute worst taste in clothes that I could possibly imagine. She frequently comes to work in outfits that make you unsure if you should laugh uproariously or just flat-out feel sorry for her cluelessness.
Keep in mind that this woman is easily in her late 40’s, is about 4’10" tall, short brown hair and those dorky glasses with pinkish purple frames that have the stems attached at the bottom of the frame and swoop up…do you know what I mean?
OK, imagine this woman in a black tank top, black leggings, bright red spike heels and one of those bright red pleather Michael Jackson zipper jackets. She actually wore this outfit about 6 months ago. Sad. So, so sad.
There was some tennis person who wore (I am not making this up) a white somewhat see-through unitard. Long sleeves and everything.
Keep in mind this was not one of the more attractive tennis players.
This got voted the “worst uniform” by ESPN. That should tell you how bad it was.
High school history teacher -
Red and white:
Checkered pants
Striped shirt
Dotted tie
[Had to look at the blackboard to keep from shuddering or vomiting]
The man may have been color-blind (green pants with blue shirt with green tie, and not in matching shades), but there is still visual acuity. Then again, he had a pair of yellow pants with lions printed on them.
His wife - math teacher
dressed pretty dowdy herself - always in shades of beige, mostly solids, few patterns (I guess he had them all).
While Davey Crockett wore his raccoon cap with a rakish style; a regular customer of mine wears a headwrap that has two raccoon tails hanging from it. Does roadkill count as a fashion statement?
It doesn’t even match his purse or pumps!!
One of my favorite high school teachers had a tie that looked like a very realistic fish. It’s rather disconcerting to be taught Shakespeare by a man with a trout around his neck.
[aside]“Those baggy, printed pants-don’t they call them zumas, or something?” My dad calls these Catch Me, Fuck Me Pants. I don’t know why.[/aside]
Let me tell you about a lady I saw in a bar last year. Mr. Jess and I had been out with a large bunch of friends on our motorcycles and stopped in for a drink on the way home. We had never been to this bar before and were surprised (but not delighted) when they fired up the dreaded Kareoke machine. The first person at the mike was my fashion victim (although “fashion criminal” is more like it). She was a cute little thing, in her early 20s… inexplicably tricked out in silver lame. Head to toe silver lame. Skin tight silver lame jeans, a silver lame tank top, a silver linked belt, silver Candies-type mules and a silver scrunchie in her hair. She looked as if she’d been wrapped in foil. I displayed superhuman restraint and did NOT make a joke about leftovers…
Well, in the category of “normal clothes”, there’s a 50-something woman in my church who persists in wearing a mid-1980s “really big shoulders” career woman suit, and it wouldn’t look too bad except that she’s very short, maybe 4 foot 10, and the huge shoulders on the enormous bright red hip-length baggy jacket, combined with a black skirt, makes her look like a little red tractor, chugging along low to the ground.
Is it any wonder that lamé and lame are homonyms?
I think lamé is always a bad idea. Always. I mean, I like shiny things as much as the next person, but lamé in all its horrible, horrible forms is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
The other day I saw a man and woman who appeared to be a couple. The woman was dressed in head-to-toe lime green. Lime green top, lime green cropped pants, lime green hat, lime green mules. Her honey was wearing a silk pajama-like ensemble in a snakeskin print. Apparently these two believed in the power of the OUTFIT. You got to coordinate!
I have a huge number of fashion pet peeves…little things I see all the time that make me crazy. I know, I know, why do I care what other people wear…but some things just grind. Like dark stockings/tights and light colored shoes. Or socks and sandals. Or tights/stockings with open-toed shoes. (Jeez, do I have a fixation or what?) Twenty-seven corporate logos on one person. Sweatshirts with appliques. “Themed” sweaters…if anyone buys me a Christmas-themed sweater I will be forced to re-evaluate my fashion sense.
At a ballgame in Houston two weeks ago, I saw a Pirates fan decked out in his team’s apparel. No big deal, except the shirt came no where near to containing the enormity with which it was entrusted. The hem of the shirt ended somewhere around his navel, and his furry gut ended somewhere around mid-thigh. He would stand up once in a while to wave and scream, “Hello Houston!” Brr…cold chills.
There is an elederly couple in our neighborhood who look like they have stepped out of the year 1940! The woman wears hats and coats that are straight out of WWII. The man wears double-breasted syits and a fedora! Quite charming, as i like these styles very much! (Note to the fashion Gods-please bring back double breasted suits and fedoras)!!
When I was in my first year of law school my torts professor liked to wear a certain plaid shirt. The shirt itself wasn’t the problem – it was the fact that he insisted on wearing it with a paisley tie! It made my eyes hurt just looking at it.
I almost commented about that on the teacher evaluations at the end of that semester, but I chickened out at the last minute.
Perhaps it was a Kilgore Trout.
As for the baggy printed pants, we call them “Skippy pants” after a former immature motorhead co-worker of Mr. S who is in his 30s yet still goes by the name Skippy. He was wearing them once at a company picnic and I’ve called them that ever since (although Mr. S said he didn’t wear them that often).
Another teacher story: An anthropology prof at my alma mater frequently wore a three-piece, pea-soup green, corduroy suit. He was a big guy, too, so he looked like an enormous pea. When my friend started her anthropology major about 8 years after I graduated, she got him for a class and I told her to watch for the pea-green suit. It made its appearance before the week was out.