Crap! Yep big ole crap. I’m either getting more mature or more civilized. I realized this on Sunday when I was scrubbing the counter top that my old microwave is on, and I just started cleaning the whole thing. For many years I was living the easy life of a single guy, beer, eating in front of the TV, not doing laundry till all of my t-shirts had a little bit of food dribbled on the front from eating and watching TV, a cluttered place thet looked really messy but could be cleaned in 10 minutes flat.
I’m gonna hit the big 31 next month, and now I’m spending my Sundays cleaning things I’ve never cleaned before. I did the dishes before the sink was filled for no reason. Our place has stayed clean for over a month, CLEAN! I made curtains for my room! That’s right I sewed curtians, and it looks great!
<sigh>
So all I have to look foward to is growing maturity, cleaning on the weekends, doing constructive things on my time off. No longer will I be sitting around on a saturday afternoon in my underwear dribbling beer on my chest while my cats eat the leftover pizza from yesterday still sitting next to the chair.
Quick! It’s not too late! Hie yourself to your local grocery store. A Stop-'N-Rob will do in a pinch. Get yourself a squirt can of whipped cream. (You see where I’m going with this?) Blast it right into your mouth. Till it leaks out the sides. Repeat untill maturity subsides.
Sticking your finger in the peanut butter and eating it that way might help too.
And Emergency Nerf purchase might be in order too.
I’m certainly feeling my age but not acting it… If you can’t control these mature and grown-up instincts, feel free to stop on by FairyChatEstates where the dust bunnies are free-range and the refrigerator is a science fair project in progress.
This weekend, while I’m trying to watch football on TV, my sons decided to have a swordfight with plastic or foam swords right in front of the screen. So I tell them to move or stop hitting each other, or some words to that effect.
My sons, seeing that I’m really focused on the Packers and Vikings and not fully on true parental responsibilities, proceed to ignore me and continue beating each other upside their heads. Now I’m getting pissed because the parental circuit is starting to slowly activate, and this is causing the few attention cells in my brain to deviate from the game.
Without thinking, I tell both of my demon spawn, “STOP IT NOW BEFORE YOU PUT AN EYE OUT!!”. My wife just doubles up in laughter so hard that she’s literally crying.
I can’t freakin’ believe I said that. I think I’m being an adult. Make this go away.
Noooo! This can’t be happening to me! Of course I’d rather hear the latest N’BoySync song for the millionth time rather than hear the news. I mean, my parents listen to talk radio! Not a cool young hip chick like me!
Also, this weekend, I started the laundry…
AND I FINISHED IT! FOLDED AND PUT AWAY AND EVERYTHING! EEEK!
