Ok. How do you give a bale of straw CPR? Hint: booze involved.Newslink.

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

OK, just too stupid for words.

http://www.islandpacket.com/news/local/story/6564932p-5843463c.html

A Hilton Head Island man confused bales of pine straw with a dead woman, and tried to resuscitate them early Tuesday morning, according to a sheriff’s report.

The 39-year-old called deputies to the parking lot of Hilton Head Cabanas, 32 South Forest Beach Drive, at 1:49 a.m., saying he had just tried to perform CPR on a dead woman, according to the sheriff’s report.

They arrived to find him talking to a large bale of pine straw.

When asked where the woman was, he pointed to the straw, the report stated.

Oh, well. At least it was Pine straw. His breath will smell nice.
Or not.

Deputies think the man had been drinking.

The duece you say! :smack:

[Manduck]

Pine straw?

[The_Walking_Dude]

I only hope he can get on with his life. He shouldn’t spend the rest of his days pining for the poor, departed lady.

[USCDiver]

I hope he stuck to the algorithms

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

@USCDiver

I hope he stuck to the algorithms

Nah.
I think he stuck mostly to tequila.

[freckafree]

<drunk guy>Man, she has really chapped lips!</drunk guy>

[Mangetout]

It’s an easy mistake to make, I think.

Here’s a picture of a man and his friend, which later turned out to be a bale of pine straw. The man is the one on the left.

ETA: no, the right

[Skywatcher]

@Manduck

Pine straw?

Dead needles, presumably mixed with other stuff.

[Northern_Piper]

It could be worse: “It’s okay, Your Honour…” (sex with dead deer while under the influence)

[control-z]

Man I thought I’d been drunk but I guess I haven’t tried hard enough. At least he wasn’t the angry sort of drunk, he was the good samaritan sort of drunk. Unless he had just had sex with the bale of straw and thought he killed her.

I thought tequila made me weird, guess I shouldn’t try bourbon.

[Marley23]

In the man’s defense, his ex-wife was a scarecrow.