My favorites
Two guests got into the basement and emptied the icemaker on to the floor. Then they [were going at it] on the ice.. Then I showed up.. I went back upstairs and let them finish. The guests are always right..
The reason I find this funny is because I work in Design, and we have to bend over backwards to please our Business Partners. I’d share this with my coworkers, but would probably get nailed.
I was working morning shift, and was knocking on guest doors to make sure everyone had checked out. I got to one room, knocked, got no answer, so I walked in, and was immediately assaulted by a horrendous smell. Like nothing I had ever experience before in my life, a sick, cloying smell, so thick it felt like a tangible wetness in the air that settled on your skin and tongue. I gag just thinking about it now. It didn’t take long to find the source of the smell. With my face half buried in my sleeve, I walked in expecting to find a body. However, I did not, instead I found what looked like a body, only liquified, on the bed. Apparently, someone had given birth (to Cthulhu) in one of our rooms. I immediately backed out of the room, and called my GM. In the end we had to call the police for damages to property, and because we half expected to find a fetus stuck in the plumbing somewhere. The room was sealed off and we had to get a company to come in with their Hazmat suits to clean it up.
A man was having his house deloused and deep cleaned and wound up staying at the local Marriott that I worked for at the time. He was there for something like 30 days or so, drunk and [under influence] the entire time. He never once let housekeeping in.
After his departure, the cleaning staff finally entered the room. They were horrified not only by the stench of the place, but also by the utter wreck he left behind. Basically every single piece of furniture was severely damaged, the floors stained and greasy, the linens too far gone for further use, and rotten food everywhere.
It took a week to get the room back in rotation. No wonder it took a month to get his house cleaned up and free of vermin.