So yesterday I had a long talk witha friend of mine who laid out some very unplesant facts about them. Cheif among them is that I malipulate my friends into doing what I want.
The fact that I malipulate people is not new to me. I've been working in politics since 1999, and I'm pretty good at it. On top of that, when I wasn't doing that I've been working in sales. Getting people to do things they don't want to do is my stock and trade, and being the prick I am I enjoy it.
Now flash to last night, and I came face to face with the nasty fact that I've dragged that over into my personal life. In the process I've managed to alienate my two best friends and a woman I've cared about since I was 15.
This would just be the tip of the iceberg in my long list of personal defects, being really pissed off most of the time running a tight second.
Depends. With my friends, I’m not entirely sure since I’m not doing it on purpose. But usually I think wheedling might be acurate. Though more in the beguiling sense of the word, as I could never be called a kiss ass.
I had two friends do sort of the same thing to me. Only their issue was more that I’m an asshole. One of them actually said “you are so mean”. At first I kind of took it to heart and tried to not be such a jerk, but then I realized they are the exact same way about things and would insult me just as much. I really hate it when people just collect a bunch of negative things to say about you as a person and then just spring them on you all at once. It is unfair and you really have no way to defend your self. If I patiently waited and collected enough negative things about a person and then unloaded on them all at once what the hell could they say really? They wouldn’t even let me open my mouth to share my side of the story. So now things are pretty much back the way they were. Whether that is good or bad I’m not sure.
Well, I don’t know you but it sounds like these are the three people that are the closest to you. Just try to practice thinking before you act. Will you regret doing it later? Try to decide that before you take action, not after.
As for the temper, this is one of my pet peeves. My FIL has a temper and so do his sons, including my husband. Sometimes I think my son will turn out the exact same way. He is 11 now and has seem my husband rant about something stupid hundreds and hundreds of times. My husbands’ closest brother is the exact same way and his son is 13. Both kids have been yelled at for nothing important in the long run (clean rooms, homework, etc.) more than any kid deserves.
It may feel good to you to blow off steam, but hurts the people around you. Why do you do it? I’m genuinely curious. My husband is a good guy, but when he gets mad he yells like crazy. It truly sucks, and shows no feeling for those around him who love him the most - his family.
It sounds like you’re very charming. That’s a part of manipulation - getting people to agree to do something.
Well as far as the anger issues goes, your husband sounds like both of my parents in fact. My mother goes batshit crazy if I don’t wash the dishes. Pretty much the cornerstone of our disfunctional relationship. My father didn’t go off about the same thigns, but he went off…and things got broken.
If you’re serious about wanting to change, you should probably consider going into therapy. A good therapist can not only make suggestions about ways of changing your behavior, he or she can help you figure out what some of the causes of your behavior are. (The latter is probably less important than the former, in the long run – “understanding” can be used as an excuse.)
If you’re not serious about changing – well, I guess you can add this thread as a data point about being a malipulative (sic) prick.
