I recently got the go-ahead to go off DepoProvera and onto the pill. I’m fairly happy with the change, except for a couple of things:
I still haven’t started bleeding yet and it’s the third month in (though that’s not what I’m worried about right now).
THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.
Jeez, I mean, I think I recall having mood swings on the pill before being on Depo, but I don’t remember it being like this.
Here’s an example: last night I was watching my husband watch TV. I don’t really like TV all that much - I feel like it sucks away too much precious time - time that I could be spending walking in the sun, reading, rolling around in bed with my husband, etc. But my husband loves TV. He gets hypnotized by it, so much so that if he happens to be walking by a TV and a show comes on, even if it’s a show he hates, he’ll stand there, transfixed for up to a half hour. Anyway, so I’m watching my husband watch TV. I’m thinking “We haven’t had sex for like a week and a half. Oh, my God. A week and a half.” Which is a normal thought, I suppose. But it lost its normality when all of a sudden, it veered off into: “A week and a half. Oh, no! I must be so fat that he doesn’t want to have sex with me. He’s probably completely repulsed. No wonder he doesn’t want to have sex - he’s not attracted to me anymore! So now he’d rather watch TV than have sex, or even talk to me!” So I ask my husband if he still finds me attractive. He blinks, then says, “What??! Of course I do!” Then I start crying and asking why he likes watching TV more than he likes having sex with me. He patiently explains to me that we’ve both been ridiculously busy these last weeks. Both of our cars conked out at the same time, we’ve had to work on his immigration papers, we’ve both had other work-related things to do. So it makes sense that we just haven’t had time to have sex, and now we’re just sitting on the couch, unwinding after dinner. See? I know this intellectually, but…
You can see where this is going, right? So, three hours later, he manages to calm me down and we fall asleep. This morning, he goes to work like normal, and I shower. By the time I get out of the shower I have once again convinced myself that I must be so repulsive my husband doesn’t want to have sex with me. For a while, I sat here, diligently reminding myself that we’ve both been busy and exhausted, this isn’t a reflection on how he feels about me, and that perhaps the best solution is to simply limit our TV watching time. But part of me is just not buying it. This part of me doesn’t exist or lies dormant for three weeks out of a 28 day pill cycle. But it sure the hell is awake now. And it’s telling me I’m unattractive to my husband. It’s also making me cry at insurance commercials, and get vaguely irritated when people can’t read my mind.
So, I’m hoping someone can tell me: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE? Ladies, what do you do when this kind of stuff happens to you? Do you warn your SO to run for cover, then flip out, eat a pint of ice cream, what?? Throw me a friggin bone here. I haven’t had to deal with hormones like this for a good three years, and now I find myself sobbing for no reason and thinking, “Hmmm, that soy sauce looks awful tasty. I wonder what it tastes like on chocolate.” HELP!!!