Was this addressed to me? I don’t recall making that argument, so I’ll assume not.
I do, however, recall someone, probably Silver, making a statement to the effect that the cost of a wedding could easily go towards paying off a car or as a down-payment on a house. I’ve long thought this too, the simple practicality of it.
To go off on this tangent: I don’t understand the couples that go into debt to throw a lavish wedding, and I know more than a few that have and a number more that have stretched their accounts to the bare limit. It just seems so ludicrous to spend as much money as you an afford, if not more, to have this (hopefully) one-time celebration. I know some people tone it down, have a small ceremony and a simple reception, so that’s obviously not what I’m railing against, but these people that feel that they must have this über-party for all their friends and family to see, that spend hundreds and thousands on food and a hall and imported flowers that match the veil…ugh, it just irks me.
You might be right, I might be looking at this from the wrong side.
Naw, ts. Silver originally said something about buying a car instead, and other folks told her she could do it on a budget - distinguished between marriage and weddings.
Someone (and no, I’m not going back to see who) mentioned the fact that as a wife, she was given the status of “next-of-kin” or “family” and therefore had a right to medical info about her loved one. There’s a point in that that goes back to the OP’s: “It’s just a piece of paper.” While you may indeed have a permanent relationship with someone else, without the little paper you cannot force others to recognize it.
I realize that SilverFire has deserted, but I saw the following go unchallenged and wanted to respond:
Maybe you can find the same level of committment in a non-marriage relationship, but you should not be so quick to ascribe that characteristic to everyone (assuming that is a generalized “you” in your post).
Love and committment are the very reasons I am getting married. I love my fiancee. This I can certainly do without marrying her. I have chosen to make a life-long commitment to nurturing this relationship and seeing to her welfare. This I cannot do without marrying her (I am not saying that others cannot and do not make such commitments outside of marriage, just that I cannot). Marrying her is a way of proclaiming to the world that for this woman I am forgoing all others, but that is a secondary consideration. Marrying her is my way of telling her that she is the only one for me, and there is no other way I know of that would do this quite so forcefully. I want to build a family with this woman. I cannot do this without marrying her.
Love and commitment are exactly the reasons why I am getting married. I love my fiancee and so I want to make a commitment to her. I cannot find the same level of commitment in a non-married relationship, so marriage is neccesary for me precisely because these things are important to me.
No I have not. In case you haven’t noticed, the world is going to hell. Marriage debates happen to be the last thing on my mind right now.
However I will say, I am really enjoying the responses that point out the legalities of marriage. It’s good to know that people are willing to admit to getting married for certain benefits (like being “next of kin”). And it makes sense.
When I am more sober, I will try to come back a reply a little better.
My grandparents never bothered to get married, and they’ve been together for over 50 years. My parents made it official for legal reasons, as will I.
Within the next few months, my gf and I will be getting legally married (I share my mom’s opinion that “as far as I’m concerned, you two are already married”). We’re in love and have been living together for over two years, so not a whole lot is going to be changing in our personal lives. Professionally, though, it changes a lot of things. With a spousal visa, I can get work in any field, instead of just the “foreigner-only” jobs I’m currently restricted to (my dad was in a similar situation when he moved to the US). Getting apartments, loans, permanent residency, etc. will also become much easier. Then there’s also the matters of inheritance and power of attorney.
Kids? Our feelings toward our future kids aren’t going to be affected by whether or not there’s a piece of paper at the town hall with our names on it. What will be affected, though, is whether or not our respective governments acknowledge that our kids even exist (mine probably would, but hers has been known to be a real asshole at times).
The committment reasons given by others are the ones I really don’t understand, but if it works for you, that’s great. Personally, I think true committment is something you have in your heart, regardless of whether you said “I do” in front of 200 friends and family members. Similarly, once you’ve decided to cheat on your spouse, any committment you may have had is gone, regardless of whether or not you’re legally married. Besides, if the two of you have gotten to the point where the only thing keeping you from leaving is a marriage certificate, is staying really such a good thing?
Lola and I are wholly committed to each other, although we refer to each other as “husband” and “wife” there’s no slip of paper that says so. I assure you that this is a permanent arrangement and a formal ceremony wouldn’t change that one bit. Neither of us entered into this thinking that it was a temporary relationship, there were those who thought we wouldn’t last but they are long gone while we are still standing here together.
You cannot force someone to promise something and then expect them to follow through with those promises. You must be willing to devote yourself to another with the whole of your being. Several couples we knew got married at the same time Lola and I got together, their marriages ended in divorce a long time ago. It is looking like we have the committment it takes to build a healthy relationship. It takes work and we are willing to give 100%.
Both of us were married before and the vows taken and the papers that were signed weren’t strong enough to keep those relationships from ending. Remaining committed to an abusive spouse was something neither of us could do.
How can you presume that our level of committment is sorely lacking without even knowing us?
Words fail me when I try to explain the depth of my affection and devotion for her, saying that I love her with all my heart and soul only scratches the surface of my feelings. There is no question of my being faithful, the thought of being with anyone else is abhorent and I would rather be dead than break this trust. We have promised each other that this would be the case if either of us ever broke that promise.
I would walk through the fires of hell for her and lay down my life for her without a second thought. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. She makes me happier than I have ever been in my entire life, she completes me, and for that I owe her everything.
All we can do is love each other, day in and day out. This works for us.
