I’ve been to more children’s funerals than I’d like and the parents almost always ask attendees to wear the child’s favourite colour. (I don’t, since I go in uniform, but I understand the sentiment.)
My brother-in-law and family haven’t been speaking to us for over two years now, but we have still given birthday and Christmas gifts to the two daughters (aged 16 and 13). I haven’t received a single thank-you (or acknowledgement) for any of them; I think my youngest niece’s next birthday present will be the last gift either of them get from us (just to even it up between the two of them).
I think requests for funerals from the deceased or the mourning family supersede etiquette.
Absolutely. Also, important to recognize that these ARE cultural. Most of these are “old school American/English WASP rules.” But they are - by and large - the “rules” you’ll find in old copies of Emily Post (and in some cases, current editions).
They aren’t quite the s ame thing. A coming out party signified that a young lady was ready to “enter society” (ie it was now acceptab le for men to court her in hpes of gaining her hand in marriage). Fifthteen & sixteen year olds aren’t considered to be of marriagble age.
True. In Chinese culture it’s a huge social gaffe to give anything other than cash at weddings (though old people can get away with giving actual gold).
My grandmother wore a bright red dress to my grandfather’s funeral; red was always his favourite color on her.
]
Well the bride is supposed to be late for her wedding.
I was taught that a gentleman follows a lady upstairs and precedes her down, presumably so that in case she trips and falls he’ll be there to catch her. I think when this rule was commonly in play there wasn’t a lot of danger of him being able to see up her skirt.
If one sends a thank you note, a bread-and-butter note, a condolence card, anything of a personal nature, one hand-writes it, address and all.
A gentleman precedes a lady through a revolving door so he can do most of the work. But, any time a gentleman holds a door, pulls out a chair, does any of those little niceties, the lady should be right there with a gracious thank you.
It’s all part of the dance, as is subtly making sure he doesn’t put the flower on the ‘wrong’ wrist. If you do it right, there isn’t any awkwardness about it.
You seriously just made that one up. French cuffs are fine and always have been fine for business wear, at any time of day. Single cuffs have restrictions on etiquette, on the other hand.
We’re a classless society. We have no class whatsoever.
Regarding Thank You notes, I posted something similar to this once before:
According to Emily Post:
If you attended a function or asked someone for something and they comply, you are always required to:
Write them a formal 1st class letter (return receipt requested) offering your sincere and undying appreciation.
The recipient of this formal letter must acknowledge this in writing within 7 business days but are only required to use a telegram.
Once you receive the telegram, you have 3 business days to respond in writing via postcard.
The recipient of the postcard has 2 days to phone you advising receipt of the card.
Afterwards, each party must exchange one email expressing their friendship and admiration.
Finally, the next time the parties involved actually see each other, they each must make eye contact and smile while simultaneously displaying the “thumbs up” gesture followed by jumping into the air and clicking their heels.
After that, you’re done and may return to your normal life.
I’m pretty sure you’re just supposed to drink it.
You win this thread.
There are plenty of debutantes here where I come from - you’d never know if you weren’t “Old Columbia”, but I went to high school with all those people and they definitely still have a Season and all.
LOL! Honey, this is DC, and even worse - Northern Virginia. We still think light grey suits are a travesty, and when the Republicans are in office, we cringe at all the bright red neckties! My Aunts still speak in diapproving tones of Mrs. KEnnedy wearing pearls to Luncheon.
Enagement rings are the exception to quite few rules. They may be worn 24/7 even if they have precious stones, and they are the only time a lady may accept a precious stone as a gift from a man who is not her Father or (yet) her husband. The ring must be returned if for some reason the marriage does not take place.
Re: Anglo Saxon - I’m Gaelic, actually, and if you try to offer money to dance with me, my Father and Uncles will beat the tar out of you. It would be kind of you to offer however, as it’s a disppointing wedding when at least one guy doesn’t get dragged out back for some infraction or other. Don’t worry, you’ll all come back in with your arms 'round each other and spend the rest of the night singing.
Funerals and children: When children are attending a funeral they wear white, not black. I always assumed that the same would be true for a deceased child, but thank goodness I’ve never had to face that one.
Region specific: Children refer to adults wo are close friends of the family as Mr. FirstName or Ms.Firstname (never “Mrs.” which is odd.)
Really? I’d heard that if the man is the one who calls off the wedding, the woman is meant to retain the ring. Like the ring is some kind of performance bond for the potential husband.
What happens when walking with a pre op transsexual?
Exactly. There’s no place to put them any more. The rule was obsolete when it was no longer standard for every destination to have a coat check or valet.
Yep.
I think these rules are also regional. For instance, it isn’t appropriate to give anything BUT cash for a wedding in NYC or Long Island. I am not sure if that extends to the entire north east.
This is an interesting etiquette site. If you look in the archives you can get lost in reading the stories for hours. She has very strong opinions on the tackiness of the dollar dance, the absolute horror of not sending a wedding thank you for a year and the behavior expected at weddings, baby showers, funerals and everything in between.
The dollar dance blew my mind when I started going to these Pittsburgh weddings. You make me sit through a whole freaking church service, there’s a CASH BAR, and then this… this… thing? God, I don’t know what’s wrong with you people.
I think the dollar dance is just tacky, and refused to have one when I got married. However, way back in the dark ages, when married couples were young and just starting out in life, I can see the …I don’t know… charm? Two young people, setting up a new household, sure, they can always use some cash. Plus, I think it was more of a way to make sure they had money on their honeymoon.
These days, when the couple is likely to be older, well-established in careers, and have been on their own or even living together for several years, it’s not so cute anymore. It just comes off as a cash grab.
A cash bar at a wedding? That’s really bad.
And neither of those things is at all odd out here in my part of the Midwest. Nor has it been for eons - although Emily Post and Miss Manners might recoil in horror at either of them.
I always “assume” a bar will be cash - I can be pleasantly surprised when its hosted. (And hosted mine - I always host the bar if I have a party - but I can be a little bit of a prig on the whole ‘the person who invites, pays’).
And its a little silly for a dollar dance to be a cash grab, when your great uncle is giving you a whole dollar. Especially when the bride and groom are long past “starting out.” Yeah, its tacky, but your father’s friends and your uncles all get to dance with the bride (albeit briefly) and it makes their night. In a region/culture where its normal, a dollar dance “makes your guests comfortable.”
(Money trees are another cultural wedding tradition that seems endlessly tacky in the “Emily Post” world.)