Ouch. Hugs to you both; this is a bad end to a long road.
I’m sure you’ve talked about this, but is spending her time and energy in treatment actually delivering something she values to her? Or is it depriving her of something else she might value more?
Intensive late stage treatment is almost always a net loss in terms of quality of physical life. It may have positive or negative emotional value depending on the personalities and beliefs involved.
Best of luck on the rocky road ahead for you both.
Depression is a liar! I don’t think anyone here would say you’re a bad mother. You’re very stressed, and you have too much to deal with. I think you’re doing the best you can, and things will get easier for you soon when you get through all the testing and assessment and you can find a new normal. Good luck, and please keep us updated.
Some of you don’t know this so suffice it to say that I have been battling depression, joblessness and then homelessness. Luckily, a friend took me in for a bit, which has given me some time and space to get my equilibrium back. So I finally scored a sit-down job that isn’t in my old field in mid-May. It is sub-contracting for a low-paying amount but I am grateful that she gave me the break I needed to get back to a work routine and start getting my head on straight. And she needed the help as her business has zoomed back up to pre-Covid levels, which she desperately needed. The job isn’t full-time so I will have to score some more work but once you are employed, it becomes easier to find another job.
So, I like my boss and appreciate that we are able to help each other. But, she is so damn angry about everything and she is taking it out on me. Covid really threw her business for a loop so I’m sure she has been panicked about income for the past 3 years. Her husband, works a different aspect of their business but he seems out of touch and is possibly slightly senile, which would add to her stress. So, lordy, she yells at me every day and blames me for things that aren’t my fault (many are her own fault), I’ve been quietly letting most of this roll off my back but taking her corrections when I make an error seriously. After all, Covid times and depression messed seriously with my mind too. She seriously needs a vacation but there’s no one who can take over for her and I doubt she and her husband can afford it yet. I’m very proud of myself for not yelling back at her or defending myself and just letting her beat on me. But I’m worried that it will have an effect on me in the long run and that effect won’t be good. I’m wondering how long I can take it before speaking up and how I can speak up and still keep my job, which I actually rather like.
In the meantime, I’m also trying to find low-income housing. Ideally, I would find a place I could live at for years and years. But I’ll have to re-qualify every year at the senior housing location I am interested in. I never thought I’d go for senior housing but I’ll never qualify for a mortgage again (62 and no savings) but run the risk of earning too much to live in low-income housing should I land another job. That happens and I’ll have to move again.
I do wish this merry-go-round would slow down. The ride is becoming too much again already.
I too was homeless for a bit and I’ve had problems with depression in the past. I have nothing but empathy for anyone going through either.
I like what @MagicEyes said about depression being a liar. It is. While depression doesn’t usually happen in a vacuum (at least it never did for me), and typically there are legitimately bad things going on in a person’s life that fuel it and make it worse, it is going to color your view of things and especially your view of yourself much worse than reality. That’s what differentiates depression from just having naturally negative (and healthy) emotions about bad events.
Being stressed and sad is like banging your arm and feeling pain. That’s what is supposed to happen, it’s normal. You treat the symptoms until it gets better.
Being depressed is like having pain without injury, like neuropathy. It’s not a heathy thing. And at least for me, knowing rationally that things aren’t as bad I feel didn’t help. You still feel what you feel.
Maybe it helps to know people care, and I hope it helps to share. I was never in a position to share my problems with anyone and I never had supportive people around me, so I just got through it and barely survived (I mean that literally). I hope it gets better for you, it did for me. I haven’t had serious depression for decades now, fortunately.
Thank you, thank all of you for your support. I can see I’m not the only one going through hard times here.
I had a good day with my son. For once I decided to neglect chores and just spend time with him. We played with dominos and then I exercised. He loves watching my workout video because there’s a countdown timer for every move. He actually started copying the moves! First time he’s done that before. I went out with my husband tonight while FIL babysat. We ended up in my husband’s work office (he has a private practice and rents a space.) I found a Rubik’s cube and after failing to solve it, we brought it home to see what my son would do with it. He picked it up and immediately said, “27.”
It took me a minute to realize he was talking about the number of cubic units in a Rubik’s cube. I never know how much he’s picking up from these YouTube math videos, but he always seems to understand more than I would ever expect. He’s got a really special brain and I love it with my whole heart.
Fuck you, Google. If I search for specific terms, like for instance “cashew chicken recipe ninja Speedi,” I want ONLY cashew chicken recipes that were developed to be made in a Ninja Speedi. If there are no results with all of my specific search terms, just SAY SO AND DON’T RETURN ANY RESULTS!
I want a search engine that won’t improvise with “is this close enough?” results when my requests don’t exist. THAT would be Search Engine Optimization (in the sense that that’s the optimal way for my ideal search engine to behave).
Also, if I try to do a search for something that is similar to a common word Google will come back with “did you mean [common word]?” and then only give me results for the common word, not the word I requested. I understand that Google might be trying to correct what it thinks might be a typo, but it’s very annoying to not even try to give me what I’m actually looking for.
At least in that case it will give you an option to click that says something like, “No, I really meant Elvis tape dispenser,” and give the proper results. It’s just one extra click then you get what you need. That’s not that bad.
I do dislike when I get irrelevant results. It’s less than useless. When it says, “We found nothing matching your request,” you know to search for different words or give up. If it gives results unrelated to your search, typically you waste time trying to look through what it gives you before concluding that it’s all crap.
Google phrase in foreign language that I’m trying to look up, either in a dictionary or to see examples in context (yesterday tried to turn “o raen” into “of ramen”)
Google returns results for an English phrase, instead
There is no way to set google to ignore language, nor to choose multiple languages. You get one and only one, and of course the results from your own country are prioritized over any other, because you must always be online in order to purchase products from local merchants.
Technically, that’s true, in the settings you can only choose one language, but Google learns from your browsing customs. I’m in Germany (Google knows exactly where I am), and my main language is German. But I do at least half of my online browsing and Google searches in English, and Google definitely registered that and has no problems differentiating between the input languages.
My power is out. And right in the middle of cooking dinner, dammit! I was making turkey shepherd’s pie. All we got to eat was boiled potatoes. We were supposed to run dungeons tonight.
Google, and especially Google Voice have taken a long time to handle the fact that I will look up phrases in other languages, but I think it finally is getting there.
