The longest I’ve searched for sunglasses that were on my head the whole time, is about 15 minutes.
Once you get used to storing them there for hours at a time, there’s not much sensation of them being there, and nearly the same sensation when they are not. Had I not looking into a passing mirror I might still be looking for them today. D’oh!
Well, I have solved the mystery of why the lawn-mowing guys left a small tuft of unmowed grass in the middle of my back yard last time, and were about to do it a second time. Turns out, I have an artificial mountain in the middle of my back yard – actually I now have two of them. They are known as the Ant Mountain Range, and each one is inhabited by approximately 1023 ants, plus, presumably, a royal household headed up by a Queen Ant who issues digging and construction orders.
So I did some digging of my own, having possession of a pickaxe and spade from my younger and more energetic days. But first I got lots of permethrin spray and sprayed the living daylights out of the fuckers as they poured out of the ground, and kept spraying until the dug and leveled ground was soaked. Hopefully I’ve seen the last of them.
Relevant Fawlty Towers bit starts at 1:30: 
Good luck w the ants.
In that skit they did an excellent job of having her face the stage lights so the camera = us got to see them highlighted several times. No mistaking where they were.
When I was a kid, we got to play “help mom find her glasses”. I don’t recall that we ever found them on her head, but one rule was that we were absolutely forbidden from asking her “well, where did you put them down?”, which of course is the standard mom question when you plaintively call out “I can’t find my ”.
When we were on vacation a few weeks ago, I lost my phone. When I realized I had set it down ON A BENCH on THE FRIGGIN’ BOARDWALK by the beach, I panicked! I got down there from my hotel room as soon as I could. It was out of my possession for approximately 30 minutes - and it was still there!
I couldn’t believe it. And I lose my glasses on my head what seems like daily… 
Oh happy day when I got a Garmin watch with a button that makes my lost phone ring very loudly.
I had an Apple Watch until it got too old to work properly, but the best feature it had was pinging my phone. (And my phone could ping my watch if I couldn’t find my watch.)
I still don’t think I nearly got my money’s worth from that watch, it was freaking expensive, but that feature was pretty great.
Wee Weasel is obsessed with my Garmin right now (because of the countdown timer) and wouldn’t you know it, today he found that button! Delightful.
That kid has compulsive button pressing issues.
Yesterday. Just yesterday sigh. Thought I had left my heavily tinted sunglasses behind at a store I had just left while I was driving away. A few seconds of frantically reaching into crevices while I was driving hoping I’d stuck them somewhere on the passenger seat or in one of the drink holders.
Nope. On my damn face. Copper-tinted sunglasses. On my face. If I’m this bad in my fifties I shudder to think how I’ll be in my seventies. Might be time to just sign up to become Soylent Green already.
My new wife has some flavor of Fitbit. Her autistic almost 3yo granddaughter loves playing with it. Tap it couple times and dancing pink hearts appear. It’s really the pulse monitor, but to her it’s the dancing hearts. She will tap that thing for hours squealing with delight every time they appear if you let her.
Last week I was talking to a friend on the phone. He suggested a date for lunch the next week. I said I thought it would be fine but I should check my calendar. I reached into my pocket for my phone and it wasn’t there. I said “fuck, where’s my phone?” and immediately started laughing because, you know, I was talking to him on my phone.
My roommate is binge watching the Kelvinverse Star Trek films and I AM SO SICK of hearing that theme song over and over!
… The ones whose fans are absolute zeros?
(I’m assuming you mean the JJ Abrams “lens flare timeline”)
I always, always use a wireless headset with my phone. Therefore while talking on it my phone is always within about 30 feet of me, but the two places it substantially never is is in my pocket or in my hand. So searching for my phone while talking on it is normal everyday behavior.
Usually it’s not far, like on the table or chair arm nearby. But once in awhile …
I have prescription sunglasses and I can’t count the number of times I’ve forgotten I’m wearing them and start looking for them. “Why is it so damn dark in here? Oh yeah…”
My wife misplaces her phone so often, I think I call her phone to help her locate it about twice as often as I call her phone to actually talk to her.
Bah! And humbug on all you kids with your newfangled fancy toys! I, too, have a cell phone, and I note that the “phone” part is short for “telephone”, a device invented by Alexander Graham Bell for talking into, which he did in 1875, back when I was practically still a teenager. And that’s what I use it for: for talking to people who are too far away to hear me even if I shout. The only thing “on” my phone is a list of phone numbers. Yes, it’s a “smart” phone, because that’s the only kind available in this crazy mixed-up world. I believe it’s called “smart” because it’s capable – all by itself – of running away and hiding whenever I need it.
I, too, have calendars and appointments and other notes, but for those I use an older reliable technology called “paper”, related to papyrus, a technology good enough to have been in use for over 4500 years, going back to the reign of the pharaoh Khufu, who got by just fine without a cell phone. 
You know damn well that Khufu would have a smart phone if he was around today, probably the best one on the market.
They’d also probably have cell towers around the pyramids so that they could get a signal in the afterlife.
I very much doubt it. Khufu would be more than 4500 years old, and thus even more set in his ways than me. It’s papyrus all the way FTW! 
Now THAT would be a good ‘Clash’ song…