I was born in 1961, and went to a Catholic elementary school.
Formal Valentine card exchanges stopped after about 3rd grade. Nobody was required to give out Valentines, let alone to get one for everyone in the class (thank God- in my day, we had about 45 kids per class!).
Instead, whoever wanted to give Valentines put them in a cardboard “mailbox,” and the teacher would distribute them personally later.
I rarely got any, and wasn’t heartbroken about it. Neither was any other boy who didn’t get any, since we were still at the “Girls give you cooties” stage. If anything, boys who got Valentines from girls were flummoxed or embarrassed.
Went to elementary school in the 70s, and I remember bringing home a printed notice asking parents to go all-or-none with card distribution- apparently that was when the school made the changeover. I see both the compassion in this rule and the Harrison Bergeron-like draining of meaning from the activity.
Also, the valentine packs came with a special one for the teacher- larger, with glitter on it.
1980s. We were supposed to bring them in for everyone. I remember agonizing over the selection of five different designs on the preprinted perforated cards I got, trying to decide how to subtly send an “I have a crush on you” message to one particular boy and an “I hate your guts” message to one particular girl. I ultimately went with drawing a little smiley face next to my signature for the one I sent to the boy, and picking the drawing of a cartoon villain for the girl, and making my signature printed instead of cursive, just to show how little thought I put into hers. So there, bitchy girl.
I am 100% positive that both cards went straight into the trash along with all of the other cards they got, just like mine did when I got home.
In the United States, it’s pretty much become a commercial holiday like any other – people are encouraged to buy cards and gifts for pretty much any relationship. When I was in school in the 1970s, you could go to the pharmacy (chemist’s) and get a big box of cheap cards that came out to about 1 cent a card and we were required to give one to every person in homeroom. We did take a little bit of care to monitor the messages, so that we didn’t inadvertently declare our love for an inappropriate recipient.
Yesterday, when I went to the Hallmark store to get a card for my wife, I actually found the selection quite poor – there were actually very few cards for men to give to their wives or other objects of their affection. The entire row was filled with other options – father-daughter, mother-son, grandparent-grandchild, etc., etc. In fact, the largest number of cards were for any unspecified adult to any unspecified child.
Now, that doesn’t mean that Valentine’s Day isn’t a romantic occasion. If you are married or otherwise in a romantic relationship, you do do something that amounts to more than picking up one of those cards. It’s just that Valentine’s Day isn’t limited to “true romance” any more.
Not to hijack this thread, but more to answer the OP, I’d say that the general tendency of parental interest to morph into input, then influence, and then control began in the 80’s. I had been teaching by then for 15 years or so. A Nation At Risk(1983) painted public schools as an integral part of the United States’ economic and social hegemony internationally, and drew attention to public education as a significant component of our national political and economic policies. (It was, of course, essentially a document of its time, particularly with its underpinning from the business community. Remember? “Greed is good.”) It began a trend that continues today in which current public beliefs and popular “wisdom” have much greater impact on the way schools are run, organized, and administered. Witness, for example, the emphasis on accountability and testing. That’s what the public says they want. Same thing for what used to be teacher decisions regarding things like how to handle Halloween, kids who have strong religious beliefs, milk money, classroom bullies, choosing up sides, and Valentine’s Day.
In elementary school, we had to bring in an old shoebox all decorated. Everyone kept their box on their desk and there was a point in the day when everyone went around dropping little cards in the shoeboxes. Seems like the teacher provided a little candy.
In high school, a lot of the clubs/teams/special groups would sell carnations or lollipops or something, that you could buy for $1 and they came with a little card attached for you to sign (or not). They’d go around from class to class, delivering valentines.
Taught kindergarten class yesterday, 2013. Kids made cards for their parents. If they wanted to make cards for each other, that was up to them. To the best of my knowledge, none did. Peanut-free candy was all over the place.
Well, to be blunt, you’re wrong, at least as far as this thread goes. If there was a cultural shift in the 80s, this thread indicates that it didn’t affect Valentine’s day. People report the same experience I had in the late 80s as in the 50s.
I probably should have used the word “perfunctory.” The whole thing felt contrived an automatic. In a way, I probably would have preferred it if it had been a popularity contest. On the other hand, I wasn’t very popular. Ah, childhood.
Anyway, I’m really surprised to see that there’s not much in the way of a pattern. People in the 50s had a perfunctory valentine’s day routine, and people in the 80s had heartless popularity contests.
Went to elementary school in the late '60s, early '70’s. Generally everyone brought cards for everyone, put them in little construction paper and doily “mailboxes”, and candy was discouraged, although we had a little party at the end of the day with cupcakes, punch and candy hearts. Smart idea - sugar us up and send us home at the end of the day.
I don’t recall any discussion or requirement - it’s just what everyone did.
OMG I hated that! One year I got a flower from a guy I didn’t like back, and that was awkward. Then my Senior I didn’t get one from my then boyfriend and I was pissed. He thought fooling around at his house later in his game room was enough for Valentine’s Day. :rolleyes:
In the late 80s/early90s it was a card for everyone in the elementary school class. I don’t remember kids giving candy with valentines. Often, there would be a class party with cookies or something, but no food with the individual cards. The holiday was mostly ignored in middle school, and in high school friends and boyfriends/girlfriends gave each other cards. There was also a flower delivery service in which you could pay to have a flower delivered to the person of your choice in their first class. Then those people would walk around with flowers all day, and those of us who didn’t get flowers would feel bad
I have preschool age kids, they give cards to the entire class. However, 90% of these cards come with candy attached, often in a little mesh baggie with a bow and a personalized label. My kids (basically me) just send a card for each child in the class. The card is usually from a drugstore pack with a cartoon character. I’m the slacker mom I guess
As far as I can remember we always did cards for all or none at all, but there was a lot of agonizing over which card to give to the people you didn’t like much or the one you had a crush on. Maybe some candy hearts from the teacher and cookies.
This year, my first-grader had to do cards for all (or I’m assuming none at all, but that wasn’t specified) and almost every card he came home with had candy attached. The few that didn’t have candy had a pencil, sticker, or tattoo. (His had tattoos, and I sent in Valentine’s cookies for their party)
He also got in trouble for telling a girl that he was going to throw away her Barbie card because he didn’t like it, which ended up in tears on both sides. He told me he likes the candy, but he doesn’t like Valentines day much.
Temporary tattoos, amiright? You could freak out the PTA sending gift certificates to the local tattoo shop. Best thing, they’d sell you the certificates dirt cheap, since they’d be non-transferrable and therefore never redeemed.
It was probably the same person who decided every kid at a birthday party should get a “goodie bag” of candy and small toys just for coming to the party. I hate this person.
When my son was playing T-Ball, circa 1996, I asked him who was winning. He explained that they didn’t really keep score, and they were just supposed to have fun. "Bullshit! " I told him. “Now go out there and kick some ass!!” And he did.
Well, to be fair did you tell him in advance that that wasn’t enough or did you expect him to know it? 'Cause fooling around is certainly enough for a young dude.
Mailboxes each desk for everybody (1962-). Yesterday my wife asked if I’d get a card for my mother, and I was almost physically repulsed. Romantic love only–I never knew it was for anything else. I should get out more.
Haven’t read all the posts so far , but am I correct in assuming that all the "classroom " stuff is safely isolated in the US, and that the UK hasn’t so far been infected ?
