I have a ~75 year old relative whom I don’t see as often as I like, but when we do visit I notice that he’ll always inform me of facts or tell me stories apparently unaware he had told me the same thing on several previous occasions. His adult son says he has noticed the same thing, especially since he finally retired about a year ago and is home without much to do. Is there anything I should tell his closer relatives to watch out for in regard to his memory issues?
The most urgent thing is to watch for lapses in short-term memory. Does he walk away and leave a pot boiling on the stove, forget to take his keys out of the door, lose track of his bills, etc.
Hell, I do that, and I’m in my mid-40s.
That said, I’ve dealt with a few older relatives with dementia/Alzheimer’s, and the warning signs for me aren’t so much repeating the same stories, but instead, an inability to remember simple things that others tell them, and a lack of short term memory.
For example, I have one relative in the first stages of Alzheimer’s - I’ll call her Aunt May. My other aunt, Aunt Jenny, is her primary contact with the family. When Aunt Jenny goes out of town or is otherwise unavailable, my mother steps in to help. But in order to help, my mother has to repeatedly reach out to Aunt May, because no matter how many times Aunt Jenny tells her that she will be out of town, and to call my Mom instead of Aunt Jenny if she has problems, Aunt May will not remember, and she’ll call Aunt Jenny if she needs something. If my mother calls her and mentions that Aunt Jenny is out of town, Aunt May reacts as if it’s the first time she’s heard that, expresses surprise, and then promptly forgets.
Other examples are things like forgetting that she went to the store yesterday, so she goes again today, and ends up with twice as much of whatever she needed. Or forgetting to take medicine, or that she has a doctor’s appointment, or whatever.
Repeating yourself? That’s nothing.
Yeah, my 84 year old mom repeats herself a lot because she only see’s me every couple of weeks and can’t always recall what we talked about in detail. But she knows exactly when her bills are due, what she had for breakfast and who owes her money (me and my brother). I keep telling her that she is supposed to be forgetful in her old age but she refuses to just slide away.
Early Alzheimer and Dementia issues should be diagnosed by a qualified doctor. Someone should mention the issue to her Primary Care Physician and ask if an evaluation would be prudent.
The PCP may say that until it gets worse, such as a noticeable loss of short term memory, you should just keep an eye on her.
Medical advice is best suited to IMHO.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Heard an interesting description of difference between Alzheimer’s and regular forgetfulness:
Forgetfulness: forgetting where your car keys are.
Alzheimer’s: forgetting WHY you need car keys.
I’ve heard it as
Forgetfulness: forgetting which key is which.
Alzheimer’s: forgetting what those metal things with teeth are.
Did he do that before? I know people who’ve always been horrible at keeping track of who they’ve informed of what, some of them quite young. This includes both those who tell the same information to the same person six times in as many days and those who, once they’ve told some key information to a large enough number of people, are absolutely convinced to have told all interested parties. When my mother and aunt started to say that Grandma was “losing it” because “she only remembers those things which interest her”, I asked “and how is that different from how she’s always been?” They looked at each other and agreed that yeah, that was really business as usual, ok, forget about it.
I’m going to echo this. My father and father-in-law both do this. My mother has started to do it too, recently. They’re all still capable of living on their own.
What I noticed is, the onset of this problem for each of them was when they retired. I think part of it is, they have a lot of extra time on their hands that they don’t know how to fill. Even if they have hobbies, they are “putter around the house” hobbies. They just don’t have a lot of interesting things to talk about. So I think they start to repeat themselves to fill the conversation when I call or visit.
Also, even when I was younger, my parents would repeat stories, especially family stories, because they had the assumption that young people don’t pay attention or remember that sort of thing. I was always interested, so I remembered the stories and would be irritated. But some of my sisters really weren’t paying any attention and don’t know any of the family lore. If it’s stories about family history, it might be their attempt to pass that on in their lifetime (and make sure it sticks).
Just a couple of possibilities.
I as I get older spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I walk into the kitchen and say
“What did I come in here after?”
You might check too to see if his medicines have changed. I’ve known someone that experienced memory and cognitive issues because of the combination of prescription drugs. Once modified those issues went away.
My father has been telling me the same stories, again and again, for the past 20 years I reckon. And he calls me my sister’s name sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with him, as it goes, he’s just an old fart who likes the sound of his own voice.
Your relative’s behaviour doesn’t sound remotely unusual to me, or particularly cause for concern.
My grandfather has bouts of forgetfulness and I can’t tell whether it’s related to something bigger, or just because he doesn’t engage the world as much as he used to.
He was a man who lived for his job, and even after he retired, he was affiliated w/ his field in various capacities. Well, as his body started failing more and more (the man is probably over 50% artificial at this point), his mobility was lessened to the point where he spends the majority of his time either sitting in his barcalounger or a wheelchair.
I make a point to talk to him on the phone weekly, if not more. (I live halfway across the country) Times when he is alone (his wife and caretaker might not be around), he seems disheveled and forgetful (asking where I am, calling me by another grandchild’s name, etc.). I called him when there was a family gathering with more activity and he was much more on-point.
If your relative is repeating long anecdotes, that might just be due to their personality, but if they are repeating things that no longer bear any importance or relation to what is being discussed at-hand, I’d be more concerned.
I know people in their 30s who tell me things that they have told me before. Yes, that happens more in advancing age, but it is not a “memory issue” that by itself is indicative that a person’s mental capacities are in abnormal decline for the age you described.
I realized somewhere around aged 30 that I was starting to repeat myself. Heck, I was leaving things and forgetting where I put them by my teens. I still forget one thing if my wife tells me to do three things.
As I get older, I just have a better excuse. 
I do that all the time. I have learned to preface my stories by, “Stop me if I’ve told you this before.” And I mean it and they do.
It is a problem when you forget to zip your pants after peeing. It is a more serious problem if you forget to unzip your pants before peeing.