Are you sure this isn’t a sitting around the campfire horror story? All you have to do is change that last sentence about the dog being euthanized. 
"… and that killer dog, driven insane by bloodlust, escaped into the forest behind the house.
The very forest we’re camping in right now!"
[at this point someone hidden in the woods shakes the bushes and growls]
You guys suck. I just had to lock the deadbolts.
We didn’t used to . . . but thanks to Custom Vampire Straw we all can suck!
Vampire straws are a delightful enhancement for oral sex.
I thought straws were only used in goat-felching.
Off topic, but we’re they doing push-ups in Peoria?
This is my favorite thread.
And the secret to that is… when the news doesn’t have enough Stupid MFers, WE can be the Stupid MFers!
I’m not actually sure who is the stupid MFer in this piece.
Leaf blowers can be pretty annoying.
Paywalled so I can’t see the details, but if it’s a gas-powered one they can be loud, yes. Once many years ago I worked a job that included using a leaf blower at times (where there was housing on a US Navy base) and there were specific times a day when we were allowed to use them. Not too early or late in the day, because they’d bother people too much. I needed earplugs myself to prevent hearing damage.
Ok, I just saw the gift link. Does this work?
Somebody misspelled the name of the accused. “Lacchei” here:
“We understand from interviewing witnesses that this neighbor had confrontations with many different neighbors that live up and down that street,” said Lake County Sheriff’s Deputy Chief Chris Covelli. “This wasn’t the first time that he was seen with a firearm.”
Shouldn’t this be enough to have his guns taken away?
Yes it does, and you rock. 
Please - I never want to see that devil horns thingie ever again.
Embrace the metal! 
You mean Floppy the Banjo Clown?
Am I gonna be That Guy?
(sigh) - Yes, I’m gonna be That Guy.
[Nasally Nerdy Voice] Actually, that sign is a ward for the Evil Eye. I don’t remember the full story, but Ronnie James Dio learned it from his (Roma?) grandmother.[/NNV]
Plenty of stupidity to go around over the past 18 years here:
In 2005, they bought a three-story home and started their family in the city’s Lawndale neighborhood. Then, in 2019, they were told their property was sold for delinquent taxes. The Millers had been paying a property tax bill, but the bills they received were for a different lot; the lot next door.
All of the Millers’ paperwork - the plat of survey, the deed, the building permit, their mortgage and title insurance - had the correct lot listed, LOT 39. The Miller’s thought their home was on LOT 39. But the builder, now out of business, built it on LOT 38.
For eleven years, the Millers received tax bills for LOT 39, the vacant lot where their house was supposed to be. The Cook County Assessor mistakenly assessed the lot as if there was a house on it. In 2017, the Assessor corrected the problem, but didn’t alert the Millers.
The Millers believe they are due a refund since they paid for taxes on a vacant lot as if it had a house on it. But, the Assessor’s Office said it cannot refund the Millers due to Illinois’ statute of limitations.
Meanwhile, when they were paying those bills on the vacant lot, the taxes for the lot with Miller’s house on it went unpaid and defaulted. That’s when a private firm bought those taxes and told the Millers they had to move.
To keep their home, the Miller’s reached a settlement with the private firm that bought the delinquent taxes. It cost the couple $43,000, plus attorneys’ fees.
Maybe the Millers could get Dan Aykroyd to put on a benefit concert? 