on a, er, "balanced" diet

remember that article by cecil about how long (short) you would live by eating only bread? you know, this one.

my questions are related to that, sort of, but i think they belong here instead of the comments on cecil’s columns forum, because i’m not taking issue with anything he wrote in that piece.

anyway, here are the questions:

  1. how long would a person be able to live on a diet of kraft dinner with chopped up hotdogs, and orange juice? i mean, that’s all four food groups (cereals for the noodles, dairy for the (sorta) cheese, (kinda) meat for the hotdogs, and fruits/veggies (and scurvy!) are covered by the juice. and what would the portion sizes have to be like in order for this diet to be, er, sustainable?

and

  1. how long could one go with only meals of beer & pizza? what would be the toppings necessary to make this a sustainable diet? i know i’ve survived weeks at a time with this limited menu, but that’s hardly a long-term scientific study.

I miss college. ::sigh::