My Dad and I went out to Dinner tonight with his old friend that he knew from waaaaaaaaaaaay back , the guy told my Dad not to worry about paying for the meal because he would “get it”. So He and my Dad have a friendly argument because my Father wasn’t about to let his friend pay for the entire meal, however he lost the “argument” and conceded to let his friend pay. The check comes and friend whips out the credit card gives it to the waiter and 5 minutes later the waiter comes back “Do you have anything else? It said declined.”
So my Daddy’s friend says “You’re kidding. I need to talk to them because I paid the money…” so the guy hands him another card five minutes later the waiter comes back and says basically the same thing. At that point My Dad says that he will pay for his own meal and mine as well. His friend apologetically agrees and gives the waiter back the card so the now lesser amount could be charged but still the waiter comes back with the same news.
At that point my Dad says “I got this one don’t worry about it” and pays for the meal. So this guy is sitting there looking so humiliated and I guess dejected is the right word. He drives us home and my Dad thanks him for the meal even though he paid for it.
At that point his friend reiterates his “Hey I gave them the money” story and my Dad says to his friend “I’m not rich either but if you need some help, I can give you something.” At that time I go in the house and they talked for a few minutes but I don’t know if any money exchanged hands or what exactly happened.”
On the embarrassing meter isn’t that like a 10? Offering to take somebody out for a meal and pay for it, getting declined 3 times with 2 different credit cards and on top of all that getting money offered to you from your friend because he thinks your struggling that much.
I don’t have a credit card but I have had access to an ATM card since I was 13, and I have been declined before with nobody around except the cashier, and I was embarrassed, My mom got declined before and I had to help her put stuff back and I felt like crap so putting myself in this guys shoes I feel really bad for him.
*Didn’t that have the same rhythm as a story form joke?*No punchline though.
Yes, that is embarassing as hell…and sad. Your father handled it very gracefully, and was very kind to offer to help his friend out if he needed it. No one needs to know “if any money changed hands” - the fact that your father made the offer should make you very proud of him. It sounds like something my mother would have done, and I am very proud of her.
It is embarrassing, but it could have been legit, especially if he paid online from his bank account but the bill pay hadn’t processed yet. BOFA has fucked us up more than once by not sending the check to the company even though the $$ were already deducted from the account.
When I was 21 I once went on a first date with a guy, and I had specifically stated I was taking him out, and paying and everything. On the way to the restaurant, I went to use the ATM and it ate my card. I was mortified. The guy had seen it eat the card, and so he knew it wasn’t my fault, but it was still pretty embarassing. I had a credit card which I used to charge the meal, but still, stuff like this happens all the time.
Beyond embarrasing. Totally mortifying. I’ve had similar problems with online payment for my credit cards, and had the card declined at a store. Pretty embarrasing when you don’t have cash or your checkbook with you.
I’d say congratulate your dad on how he handled the situation. Sounds like a true friend.
It’s not necessarily that embarassing. Valid cards sometimes get declined due to some sort of glitch. It can be more frustrating than embarassing.
But it seems to me that having someone say “I’m not rich either but if you need some help, I can give you something” would be embarassing. It suggests the fellow couldn’t afford the meal, which while possible, is quite unlikely with someone who has two different credit cards who offered to treat.
That doesn’t make it any less embarrasing for the poor guy who stated that he could afford it by offering to/insisting on paying, only to be told by the faceless company that manages his credit that he doesn’t have enough money (that’s what almost everyone assumes when they see/hear “DECLINED”).
It’s embarrassing to have my card declined even when I’m by myself. I picked out a couple of items at a porn shop once and my card was declined, so now I just carry lots of cash on me at all times. Of course, being mugged and losing several hundred dollars would be much worse, but at least it’s not embarrassing.
I once got declined at a Ross store, the clerk was rather terse, and I knew I had money in the account (it was a debit card) I wrote a check, nervous that it would decline also, if it checked the same way the debit card did.
She made a point of saying it loudly with other folks in line.
I happened in the next day and the regular lady I see there told me their (Ross’) credit card system went down the day before. I told her what happened and she said the girl should have known since it would have been declining everyone.
For all you know the old friend cleared up what he thought would be enough room on his card to “impress” his friend and it backfired, then again, it could just be an honest mistake. During a bank changover, I had $3k that the old bank nor new bank could locate, they told me to “wait a few days and see if it comes out in the wash” needless to say, they didn’t get the response they expected.
I was once on a date with a girl that went on late, and we ended up eating breakfast at Waffle House at 3 AM after a concert. I didn’t have any more cash on me and intended to pay with my credit or debit cards, but I didn’t realize that Waffle House doesn’t accept the plastic. I had to leave my date there, as collateral of sorts, as I ran a couple blocks trying to find an ATM. She didn’t hold it against me, but I was sure embarrassed.
I give it 11 at least. I was cringing in embarrassment when Amazon sent me an email that my credit card had been declined. I hate to think what I would have done in this man’s position.
And, yes, it sometimes is a glitch in the system. That just makes it worse somehow. You can practically see that people think you’re unable to pay and no amount of protest will convince them otherwise.
I had the same Waffle House experience (assuming that they’d take credit), but I was with a group of guy friends who spotted me the cash. I blame Waffle House for this one; in an age when even fast food places take plastic, how can a full-servive sit-down restaurant take cash only!?
I’ve never had a credit card declined, but it’s something I live in fear of for some reason. Every time I use a credit card, I’m holding my breath until the receipt prints out.
You just reminded me! I went to breakfast at a decently upscale place with some friends a few weeks ago. I had my plastic and checkbook, but the place only took cash. I was tempted to ask if I could barter some pelts or something. Long story short, this girl with us was in the same boat, my friend had enough cash to cover it, and I still owe the guy twenty bucks.
It seriously blows my mind when places like that don’t take plastic. I think the last time I ran into this situation, my response to the owner was something along the lines of, “what is this, a fucking hotdog stand?”
It’s almost always a glitch in the system. But I found that if you call them, and unless you’re some real deadbeat customer, they’ll extend your line of credit right then and there. Still doesn’t help in the embarrassment department.
It’s pretty lousy. I’ve had it happen. I entertain a lot for work, which means my company card gets used often and in many different places – setting off red flags, and if I get denied it’s in front of business associates. I’ve been denied or had the help inform me I need to call the credit card company many times. I finally learned that AmEx is a bit more discrete. They let the charges go through, and they call you to make sure everything is alright.
It is embarrassing, but I agree that often it can’t be helped and isn’t always as a result of having no money. That’s why I think your dad did the right thing until he offered to lend some money. Not that he didn’t mean well, of course, but it probably makes the embarrasment worse, IMHO.
Whenever I’m close to my limit and try to pay by card, I always get my disclaimers in to the cashier first! And have enough cash on me to pay if necessary. Not been refused yet, though.
Hee. I do that too! Handing over the card: “Hope they don’t mess this one up on ya. Let me know if those dunderheads decline this.” Puts us ( the clerk and I) on the same “side” as it were. When I did retail, I liked cuatomers who did that, because it made it easier for me to come back with a laugh: “Oh! it *was *declined, Mrs. Smith. Can you believe the incompetance? What other form of payment can we try?” We’re not really fooling each other, but it makes everything so much more bearable!
[shame]
If “an old friend… from way back” invited me to dinner, offered to pay and then had two credit cards declined, I would do what your Dad did and pay for the meals, and I would offer a loan of money to help out, but I would also think that there was a good chance I was being scammed (in a small way).
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Consider this: If an old friend called up and asked if you could buy him a meal and lend him some money, would you be as generous with him as you would with the guy in the OP? I suspect not as many people would rush to help, or give so much.
I would lend him money anyway because my personal lending policy is: Don’t give what you can’t afford to get back. If I ever lend money to people, I’m always aware there’s a chance that I might not get it back, and I weigh that up before I commit. I’m all for helping, but I think you’ve got to be practical about it too. Some people take loans… others take gifts. Don’t give it if you can’t afford to go without it.
