Guy orders pizza, goes to pick it up. When he gets there, tries to pay with a card. The card is declined. He asks us to run it again (like it would make a difference, but we’ll humor you and swipe the card again, even though it has never had a result other than “declined twice, wanna go for three?”)
So guy wants to go for three. We type it in this time, very carefully. And what a miraculous turn of events, it’s *still *declined, numbnut. So now the gentleman wants to tell us his life story, about how *just *before he came here to pay for his $19.70 worth of food, he definitely went to the bank to deposit a quick 20 dollars, so he *definitely *has 20 whole dollars in his bank account.
Good job, genius. Why didn’t you bring *us *the twenty dollars, and skip the middleman? As George Carlin said, tic-tacs are not a major purchase. Get some fucking money together. Especially when you’re depositing it one bill at a time into your bank account which normally registers as zero or negative 29 days out of the month. You are aware money works like money without going to the bank and making them sprinkle magical debit card dust on it, right?
So that was brilliant, but within the realm of “normal human being” so this kind of stuff gets utterly forgotten within 15 seconds, I’m busy. Not that embarassing, just gotta do the shame walk home without any pizza. I don’t care, all we had to deal with was wasted product and we have a Plan for that food that involves charitable donations.
15 minutes later a VERY angry woman calls and wants to know why her kids are starving. My guess would be because you’re a horrible, selfish shrew who never learned how to parent, so there’s nothing in the fridge but Bubba’s beer which he definitely remembered to purchase, and cigs on the counter, but nothing for Bubba Jr. except for Purple Drink, containing 100% all naturally occurring atomic elements found within the earth’s natural orbit, arranged in a liquid chemical format. Not a significant source of vitamin… end of sentence.
The answer is because your card was declined, ma’am.
Oh hells to the naw, because I have a bank statement that shows I put 20 dollars in my account and I also have a charge that says the name of your pizza franchise.
“Does the transaction say ‘pending’, ma’am?”
Yes it does, so why my pizza ain’t ere?!?
This would be why. Random bank, their definition of what pending means:
And regarding holds on your card for more than the exact amount of $19.70-
So why do I, a worker in the food service industry, have to understand how your bank works, and why do I have to explain it to you?
Problem 1) All transactions paid with a card get fully processed one way or the other at the End of the Business Day, meaning 1 or 2 in the AM, when we’ve finalized whether or not you remembered to tip someone, meaning entered zero for the tip. So your bank statement is decidedly Not Helpful right now.
Problem 2) If your card is declined, it’s going to say that same shit until 2am, when we tell your bank that we can’t accept a declined payment, but thanks very much for the attempt, come see us again next time.
Problem 3) Your bank understands that some of your purchases may or may not (let’s be honest, will not) include a tip. So that means they put a “hold” on your card for an amount greater than the $19.70
A problem which you could have avoided by getting some fucking cash together instead of depositing a 20 dollar bill into your bank account to just barely have enough for dinner that night.
You do understand that Banks Do Not Work That Way, right? They’re for people with money that is intended to actually stay **At The Bank **for more than five seconds, and that bank “accounts” are for people who intend to have an “account” of their own money at the “bank” where money is “stored”.
To put it in terms your loosey, fifth, and lotto ticket addled mind can comprehend:
It’s for money storage, not money-magically-become-debit-card-functiony-yay.
So when you have all of 20 dollars in your bank account that you “just” deposited, and you try to use it, your bank understands the following things about you, and your purchase:
[ul]
[li]The charge could (read: should) be for more than 19 dollars and seventy cents.[/li][li]If you charge more than that, and you have a twenty dollar balance, you will end up spending money that not exist in your bank account, fucknut[/li][/ul]
That’s why your card is declined.
Now, after I explain that to you, over the phone, when I have better things to do with my time than debate your bank’s policies which protect your bank from your dumbassery, but do very little to protect *my food costs *from your dumbassery, you do not have permission to call me a liar and rant and rave about how you need my full name and my boss’ full name and the hotline complaint number and how you’ll never ever order from us again, while dropping f-bombs and cussing at me and insulting me personally, because I have precisely **nothing **to do with you being fucking poor and fucking stupid.
And I will sit there and politely explain the issue, and listen to your angry ranting, but you’re fantasizing when you think I’m going to lose my job over your failure to understand how money works and your lack of any ability to produce a payment and your utter disregard for facts presented to you to correct your ignorant misunderstanding of the problem.
And I’ll tell you my name and my boss’ name and the complaint number. Please feel free to call, and explain how I lied about how your bank works, how you don’t understand how your bank works, and how you “work at a bank” so you understand how every bank functions the exact same way as your bank (really?) and that I was a big meanie head for not giving you food when you have no money and decided that was our fault and let’s yell and scream and say fuckity fuck fuck fuck about it, because that’s going to solve your not-food-having not-money-having dillema, isn’t it?
Here’s the issue: You have no control over your world. You have no money, you have no car, that’s why you’re walking to the pizza place, and paying with an account that has 20 dollars that you “just” put in it. You’re angry at life, angry at not being able to get ahead based purely on your charm or your obvious genius.
And I am a guy who is telling you Facts, which are rarely bits of good news for someone like you.
And you are a customer, so that obviously entitles you to be a bitch.
So you like to lash out at people who are unrelated to your problems, because it strokes your tiny fragile ego, and that’s the only thing your retarded brain can find in this life that makes you feel important.
But you’re not important. You’re nobody, and your kids are “starving” because you’re a dumbass who doesn’t understand how the world works, and because of your failure to plan ahead and put groceries in the house, and your trashing me over the phone doesn’t remedy the problem of you being an epic failure.
By the way, next time you no comprende how your bank works? Here’s a thought, call your fucking bank, assclown.
