On Asking Smokers Not To

Great Debates
1

Does anyone have any success in asking / directing a smoker in a public space to refrain from smoking?

I’m soliciting real-life experience or practical advice rather than running this in the pit with yet another slam against the tobacco addicted.

Background: I’ve been frequenting parks and playgrounds more regularly with beautiful baby girl in tow. Depending on which playground and the clientele to which it caters, we often find parents who have no problem lighting up and smoking away despite the softly worded signs posted or the common sense courtesy that perhaps a kids’ play area isn’t the best place for your nicotine fix.

I’m looking for something effective yet non-confrontational that might get the job done.

Then mustering up the nerve will be the step two.

2

All of the bus stops here in Portland have both a written “NO SMOKING” sign and a picture of a cigarette in a circle with the diagonal line, and it does no good at all. Not only do I get nothing but dirty looks from people when I ask them not to smoke there, but transit drivers and security personnel use them for their smoke breaks.
And do I have to add that, to a person, they throw the butts on the ground when it is time to go.

3

It’s a public space. It’s open air. Don’t expect anyone to take your complaints about polluted airspace seriously, especially when there’s also such things as smokestacks and car exhaust present.

And yes, they should be taking their butts with them or disposing of them in a suitable way.

4

In my experience, no such animal exists. As a general rule, once they step six inches out of any doorway then the world is their ashtray. You might manage to get a few to stop but I promise you that they will be cursing you under their breath.

5

i would think the appropriate approach would be to petition the municipality to make the park/playground/etc “no smoking”. I am not a tobacco user, butt I would never ask a smoker to stop if the area were not specifically delegated no smoking.

6

I don’t think this is a battle you’ll win - smokers like to smoke outside, regardless of who they’re affecting or where they are. If it isn’t a hard and fast NO SMOKING area, you don’t have much of a leg to stand on asking them to stop.

7

See post #2.

8

What’s your objection to the smoking. Sounds as if it’s more philisophical than anything. If it is, get over it. If you’re worried about the second-hand-smoke, then move. And get over it. You’re not going to be able to control everything about her environment. And I say that as an anti-smoker.

As far as real-life experiences: I was 8 months pregnant and sitting on a bench in front of a Wal-Mart for some reason. The other person on the bench was smoking and it wasn’t a no-smoking area. The smoke was really bothering me–you know how pregnant women are–so I mentioned that I was pregnant and asked if he could move. He said sure and moved. No problem.

But that was a one-time thing and I made it clear that I was the one with the issue, not him.

9

I think the problem is that the polite smokers, the ones who would be most likely to respond positively to your request that they not smoke, wouldn’t be smoking in that area in the first place. The ones that you see smoking know they’re not supposed to be smoking there and are already defensive about it, or are actively breaking the rule out of some self-perceived sense of being repressed.

10

While I think it’s crappy to light up around kids, if there’s not a no-smoking sign, they’re technically within their rights and the problem is more yours than theirs. Unfortunately, what some people consider “common courtesy” isn’t common for everyone.

The only way you’d have a leg to stand on asking someone not to smoke is if there’s a sign nearby. In that case, I suppose you could try asking someone politely to smoke a little further away because of the sign; however, I wouldn’t count on it being effective.

11

I saw. However, I still think it is the appropriate first step. Enforcement is a problem in your situation. The OP has nothing to enforce.

ETA: I would ask that you read post #10 (which wasn’t there when you posted)

12

Unfortunately, you’re often not dealing with smokers, you’re dealing with assholes who happen to smoke. The non-asshole smokers would not be smoking in a non-smoking location.

If the area is posted non-smoking and they’re smoking anyway, the best you might do is politely point out the sign. I have been in places before that I simply didn’t see the sign, even when it should have been obvious. They’ll either do what I would, which is apologize and quit smoking or move elsewhere - or they’ll be an asshole.

If the area is not posted and is outdoors, and you ask me POLITELY to not smoke around your child, I will probably move elsewhere with much internal eye-rolling. I would do it because I’m nice like that, but you’re much more likely to get a bad reaction in that situation. Also, if you’re asking me for a favor, you should be extremely polite, even apologetic perhaps. Getting huffy or self-righteous or any of the other nonsense I’ve been subjected to by fanatical nonsmokers ain’t gonna help your case any.

I understand not wanting your kids to be bathed in cigarette smoke but, as someone already mentioned, I’m not buying that the trickle of smoke from my cigarette is causing problems that the exhaust cloud from that diesel that just drove by ain’t. Not to mention, it’s a big wide world outside. Unless I’m standing over her blowing smoke in her nose, it’s unlikely she’s being exposed to cigarette smoke.

I will grant that I am more sensitive to these things than a lot of smokers - I do watch where my smoke is going, and move down- or cross-wind to avoid smoking people out. But most of the people I know who smoke would react well to a polite request to move away a bit. I can’t help you with the assholes.

Things not to do: go into ridiculous coughing fits; wave your arms around while complaining loudly about the cigarette smoke; act all offended and huffy and holier-than-thou. If you’re acting like a jerk, you’ll probably get the response you deserve. (Not saying that you would, that’s a general “you”.)

I also bitch out smokers for leaving butts everywhere. That’s just nasty!

13

I think this is largely true. As a smoker, when I was outside but near others I would try to get downwind or move away a bit to avoid letting the smoke reach them. I’ve also asked people if they were sensitive to cigarette smoke before lighting up, and I’d put the butt in my pocket for later proper disposal rather than leave it on the ground. I think a lot of smokers would be willing to accomodate a sensitive nose if it only took modest effort (i.e., step ten feet away, sure; move half a block away, no). Those who are already violating a “No Smoking” sign, on the other hand, are not too likely to be cooperative.

14

See, like this. With this attitude, I’m not surprised if you get poor reactions.

No, it’s not that smokers particularly like to smoke outside - it’s that outside is often the only place you’re allowed to smoke. If I’m standing outside a restaurant smoking, it’s not because that’s my preferred location.

If by “common courtesy” you mean never smoking with children anywhere in sight, that’s essentially expecting me to never smoke in public. While I realize that’s the goal of many, it doesn’t fall under “common courtesy”. I do avoid smoking in front of kids that know me and whose behaviour I might influence. If your rug-rat is so impressionable that the actions of a stranger walking by is going to change her forever, I’d advise keeping her locked up all the time.

15

Thanks all. Enlightening responses as always.

I’m certainly not worried about second-hand smoke as this is an open-air space. Also I’m the last to shriek, “For God’s sake, think about the children!!”

My reasoning, and this is not meant to stir up a shit storm, is that in a word, it stinks. Nothing philosophical about it, just my take on the matter.

But your point and perspective (minus the snark) are well-taken. I suppose it ranks pretty low in the grand scale.

16

Just stand next to them and begin farting.

17

Over/Under on posts before the move to the pit (or lockdown)? I’m gonna set it fairly high, at 68, but I figure the thread will be pretty fast-moving, and decisive action won’t be the first mod response.

18

Yowza. Calm down - this is why I put common courtesy in quotes. Perhaps I didn’t adequately convey this, but believe it or not, I don’t consider forgoing a cigarette in areas not designated as non-smoking to be common courtesy. Nor do I shield my child’s eyes from smokers who happen by, wherever we are.

When I said that what some people consider to be common courtesy isn’t so common to others, I meant that for me to tell you not to smoke somewhere where you were perfectly within your rights to smoke would be me putting a burden on you for my convenience and/or comfort when you’re legally permitted to smoke outside in undesignated areas. Yes, I think cigarette smoke is disgusting and would rather not smell it or not have my children smell it. But I feel the same about many smells and, like it or not, you and I may breathe the same air one day and, as long as we’re outside and you’re not standing in the middle of the sandbox, under a non-smoking sign, I’ve got no problem with moving if your smoke bothers me.

19

The first couple of people who light up where it is obviously a No-Smoking area might be assholes, but the others that follow are simply following the long-standing unwritten rule “It is o.k. to do it if others are already doing it”. Cues from the behavior of others will trump signage 9 times out of 10 when it comes to smokers.

20

As a smoker I try to be considerate of people around me, and wouldn’t personally think that a child’s play area was a suitable location for a smoke break. I have had people politely ask me not to smoke in the past, and I’ve acceded to their requests because they asked nicely and had reasonable reasons. I tend to feel that the risk they took in approaching a complete stranger with a request for a favour means that it really is bothering them, and it would be a kindness for me to stop. However I’ve also had the passive-aggressive arm-flapping, exaggerated coughing etc that someone mentioned. This will lead me to chain-smoke until I leave the vicinity of the rude person who can’t be bothered to formulate a polite sentence.