Sorry, non-smokers, I have a spot in this world too.

The BBQ Pit
1

Much as I sympathize with Soup_du_jour’s dilemma, I notice that he’s exhibiting an attitude typical of non-smokers: expecting smokers to psychically know of their aversion to smoke, and act accordingly.

Communication is the key.

—If it’s the day before classes start, and I’m not familiar with the way the ventilation system in the dorm works, and the dorm does, in fact, allow smoking, and my roommate doesn’t object, I’m going to smoke. If the smoke bothers you, get up and ask me to put it out. I can’t sense, through the wall, that it bothers you. I’m not even aware that you can smell it unless you tell me.

—If you’re visibly pregnant, I won’t smoke around you. But if you’re in the first trimester, or if your lump is obscured by heavy clothing, I won’t know that there’s a baby on board. You have to tell me.

—If I’m outside the building, and outside of the smoke-free radius, standing by the ashtray which I always use for its avowed purpose (no conditions: I never drop a butt on the ground. Even if I have to walk 100 yards to dispose of it.), then I am within the law. Save yourself the trouble of coughing and waving dramatically. I don’t care if you do have health problems; you saw me long before you got near me. Make a wider turn. It’s open air, and I’m not blowing it in your face.

—If you find a butt on the ground, don’t assume I put it there just because you saw me smoking earlier. No, I don’t know who did put it there, either. Have fun tracking down every smoker in the community.

—And if you see me walking back into the building holding the pack, don’t holler “NO SMOKING IN THE BUILDING!” I am not holding a lit cigarette; I am holding a pack which is going back into my purse or coat.

—If we’re going to be sharing a room or something, and I ask if you’ll mind my smoking, you’d better be sure you mean it if you say “Go ahead”. If you decide later that you don’t like it after all, of course I’ll stop, but you won’t endear yourself to me any more than my smoking endeared me to you.

—Don’t tell me to put it out. If it bothers you, I’ll move away. But I’m not putting it out; I paid for it.

2

You should switch to pot. Pot makes everyone happy!

3

I agree. I’m a smoker and I totally agree with what you’ve said.

I always ask if I can smoke in peoples flats/rooms/houses and have no problem not smoking or going outside to smoke.

I have one issue, I’ve I’m out in a designated smoking area then I’ll do my best to move away. If it’s not an option however I’m afraid that I’m in the smoking area and I’m not going to not smoke just 'cos you object.

The problem is that there are a few (perhaps a lot) of very rude smokers. They’re not rude because they smoke, they’re just rude people – and they tend to give other smokers a bad name.

It’s the same for any group of people. But like Rilchiam said, communication is the key. Tell me that it bothers you and I’ll do my best not to smoke. Just don’t get drunk and then verbally lay into me for smoking when you haven’t mentioned it all night.

Oh yeah, and ditch the fake cough, arm waving stuff. It’s just as rude. Just talk to people, life gets easier that way.

SD

Who should really practice what he preaches a bit more.

4

You tell’em Rilchiam.
Asshats ! (Well, this is the pit).

5

I echo Rilchiam’s statements. I also think that sometimes, when people get a bug in their butt about something, it leads them to illogical behaviour.

Example: a (Californian) friend of mine’s sister is having a baby. She informed my friend that “you can’t come near the baby if you’ve been smoking”. My friend said “of course I won’t - I’d never smoke near a child”. “No,” replied her sister, “even if you smell of smoke. You have to change clothes.”

It’s only the smell of burned leaves. In and of itself, it isn’t necessarily offensive.

The sound of a dripping faucet is only annoying if you let it be.

6

Yeah, jjimm! And some people who don’t smoke still like that smell of burned leaves. I once knew a girl who didn’t smoke, but who crumbled up a cigarette and scattered the tobacco in her desk drawer. Her father had recently died (not from a smoking-related illness!) and the scent of Marlboro reminded her of him. [snif]

7

Rilchiam,
I dated a girl who loved to smell cigarettes. I mean take them out of the pack and run them under her nose and take a deep wiff. (I said Under her nose you bastards!)
I quit smoking less than a month ago. I am amazed at how far I can smell a lit cigarette. The smell does not bother me in the least, except for the chattering monkey it puts on my back screaming “Go get cha one boy-o”
I have figured out no matter what you do your going to piss someone off. I try to be respectful of other people so I offend as few as possible. When I smoked, it seemed the few rude asshat smokers (who I think are a minority) gave (give) the other smokers a very bad image.
Smoking is legal, and if a smoker is polite and smokes in in the proper areas I have no complaints.
Blow that smoke in my face and I am gonna get upset and me a the shoulder monkey will beat you to a pulp and smoke your cigarettes. You have been warned :slight_smile:

8

I STARTED smoking because I loved the smell of cigarette smoke. I know, weird and, to some, gross, but there you have it. I would never even dream of smoking in someone else’s home unless they themselves were smoking, nor do I smoke in restaurants or other places when I am with nonsmokers.

So one night a few years back, we were at a dinner/theater thing and were seated at a large banquet table with four other couples (whom we did not know.) There were ashtrays on the table, so I asked the people at my table if any of them were smokers. They said they weren’t, but several also said that if I wished to smoke, I could go right ahead. I said, “Oh, no. I can go outside after dinner, I don’t smoke around non-smokers.” They thanked me, but then one guy at the table began haranguing me: “Don’t you know how awful smoking is for you? Do you know how dangerous second-hand smoke is? I HATE smokers, they’re all so RUDE. It’s a disgusting habit and a horrible vice…” and so on and so forth. I pointed out that I thought drinking alcohol was also a horrible vice, and he said, “Well, when I drink, I don’t hurt YOU. But if you light a cigarette, you could damage MY health - I could DIE.”

I said, “Uh-huh. So I light a cigarette and YOU die. Tell me again why this is a bad thing?” The man’s wife burst into laughter and told him, “You totally had that coming.”

9

Aversion? Are you somehow unaware of the odour, composition, and effects of your fumes?

10

But not everyone is that bothered by it - just like they don’t go out of their way to avoid roads with traffic fumes.

11

Well, I was with you right up until I noticed this part…

So, if the smoke was bothering Soup and s/he asked you to put the cigarette out, you would want him/her to ask you to put it out and then you would say no?

I’m not sure how that would help smoker/non-smoker relations at all really.

12

I don’t mean to support the position of what may very well have been a Loony Tune, but there is some debate going on as to how cigarette smoke residue can be a factor for SIDS. The percieved problem is that children being held by smokers may end up with a face full of arsenic (and sundry other chemical residue), which isn’t great. I haven’t seen any conclusive evidence yet, but with babies they figure it’s better to have smokers put a blanket between them and the kid than risk any potential SIDS factors.

However, providing a simple blanket is easy enough, so there’s no need to be a dick about it and make someone “change their clothes”. We’ll be providing a blanket discretely to our smoker relatives without making a fuss.

13

jjiimm–Your friend’s attitude isn’t unique. My son’s doc told me the same thing. While smoking, wear an overshirt (because chemicals can cling to the fabric) and remove it before going near baby. Wash your hands and brush through your hair after smoking too, because both are “tainted” after smoking.
Now, she’s a great doc, and I wouldn’t take my son elsewhere, but that seemed a bit extreme to me when she first said it. I dutifully went through the whole shebang when he was a newborn, but now I just wash my hands, and always smoke outside.

matt–I think the OP was pretty clear that she doesn’t smoke rudely. What more would you have her do? If people have such an aversion to smoke that they can’t stand to be in the same room with it without wetting their pants in a frothing rage, then perhaps they should just choose not to patronize those areas where people smoke. Like it or not, smoking is legal, it’s commonplace, and it’s just something you have to live with or avoid. Expecting a good chunk of the population to go to extremes to accommodate a militant anti-smoker’s preferences seems a bit arrogant, if you ask me.
Me? I can’t stand slobbery drunk people or so I avoid those places where they’re most likely to be (bars, huge parties, etc.) and if I encounter one elsewhere I just have to decide if my annoyance with them outweighs my desire to be in that place at that time. But I don’t think it would ever even occur to me to question their right to be a slobbery drunk in an place where that kind of thing is allowed.

and alice–I can’t speak for Richialm, but I read that last line as a reference to outside smoking where someone nearby starts grumbling. It happens, and while I don’t mind walking to the other side of the park or crossing the street–I’m right with her on not appreciating the shrill “Put that out right now” lectures from people I’ve never met before in my life.

bella

14

Or illogical conclusions.

A couple of years ago I was standing outside of work in the smoking area. As Pooh would put it, it was a Blustery Day. I was supposed to fly to Virginia that night, and all planes were grounded due to gale force winds. Naturally, the cigarette butts didn’t stay in the ashtray. They blew all over the place.

As I stood there, a woman exited the building.

Clueless woman: Ach! Look at all these nasty cigarette butts! Smokers are so rude!

Me: I think it’s the wind.

Clueless woman: As if. Smokers are just rude. The wind? Oh, please!

It was pretty funny to see her umbrella get ripped to shreds as she stomped away in righteous indination.

15

One thing that does annoy me-fellow students who would throw their cigarettes in the BUSHES!!! Um, fire hazard anyone?

I’m not a smoker, and I hate the smell, but I’m not going to be rude to those who do smoke. My grandmother is one of them. At Christmas time, my aunt made her go out into the cold, damp garage to smoke, rather than disturb her precious house. (My aunt is VERY rude about her house-my grandfather who was just recovering from several strokes/seizures was a little shaky, and she yelled at him when he accidentally dribbled coffee on her carpet).

Sheesh.

Isn’t second hand smoke exaggerated?

16

Rilchiam, sorry about the comments I made last night. Most (not all) of it was just blowing smoke. I was probably stressed about my first real day of college. I see in retrospect that I shouldn’t have been so mad.

After all, although I can’t stand the smell of smoke, it doesn’t give me the right to call smokers “walking grafitti,” “slow murderers,” or whatever else I said.

I need to chill.

17

Rilchiam, I sympathize with the dilemma of polite smokers. However, I have violent reactions sometimes to even a quick whiff of smoke, so you probably shouldn’t assume that the coughing of nonsmokers is purely dramatic. Sometimes my asthma can be set off by walking a couple of steps through outdoor, secondhand smoke; it might honestly look like I’m overreacting, but believe me, it’s not my idea of a good time either. I cna’t tell you how many restaurants and concerts I’ve had to leave, even if I’m seated in a nonsmoking section, or it’s an outdoor show. Really, I’m that sensitive. (And FTR, pot smoke is even worse.)

I’m not pregnant, so there’s no way anyone could know of my need to be way the hell away from the smallest bit of the stuff. So what am I supposed to do about the rude smokers who might up on an enclosed subway platform, in front of the no smoking sign? If I move away from them, I miss my train. If I ask them to put it out, more often than not they become belligerent and make me nervous for my safety. Such chutzpah…

18

I’m sorry, my husband smokes occasional cigars, but even he doesn’t smoke in our house. Smoke sticks an amazingly long time in clothing, upholstery, and carpeting, and I am not going to have things cleaned or put up with that foul odor just because people want a cigarette. People can smoke in our back hallway (two doors between it and the rest of the house) or outside, or we can go out somewhere indoors that they can have a smoke, but they’re not smoking in my place. It’s annoying enough to me to have that smell in my hair, clothing, and jacket when I go out, but I choose to do that, and cleaning up the smell isn’t as extensive of an effort.

19

What are you talking about? My wife and I smoke about 30 cigarettes a day, and our house doesn’t smell. The walls and curtains are brown and the fish died, but we can’t smell it, anyway.

20

I’m not a smoker, but I agree with the OP. It’s a big world guys…not everyone lives like you (or wants to), get over it…