When you post on a public message board, you are not allowed (physically or philosophically) to restrict replies to the ones that make you smile. You’re going to get real advice from real people who understand how the real world works. Sugarcoating will not help you improve, it only validates your behavior, and I don’t think that’s helpful to you at all. Anaamika’s advice was excellent, honest, and much milder than most inclined to criticism would have provided–you should be thanking her for her niceness and honesty on bended knee. Because the truth is, you *just *got this job, and your actions make you look like a total flake. If you can’t *do *the job, for ANY reason (whether because you’re unskilled/a poor fit/too anxious to handle normal work-related stress–the latter of which is where all indicators are currently pointing), then you’re going to lose the job. Because, despite the fact that you NEED the money and you really NEED the job, *no *company owes you a job you can’t do.
It’s good if you don’t exceed the allowable points in their system, I guess, but it might not matter. Probationary employees can be let go for any reason, or even no reason at all. So you might get let go if they feel like you’re flaky, even if you don’t exceed the allowable points before October. If you truly want to keep this job, then you have to suck it up and go even if you feel anxious (at the VERY *least *until your prob period is up). Unless you are literally vomiting blood or crapping your pants so hard that you’re passed out on the floor, you shouldn’t be calling in sick during the prob period–you are putting your job at severe risk! This is reality.
Maybe this all seems overly restrictive (and perhaps to you it sounds unfair), but I can assure you it is what being a probationary employee entails… you literally *cannot *call off, unless you’re at your deathbed or an immediate family member dies. I really don’t know what you’re thinking. If you can’t make yourself work through your symptoms you will lose this job, because your employer deserves someone who can do the job. You’re emphatically *not *doing 100% of the job… you’re probationary… so they have every right to let you go. Them’s the facts. If you *do *lose this job, then you need to talk to a therapist ASAP and sort yourself out before you get another one. If you’re so anxious you end up physically sick at the thought of going into work, though, you might qualify for a psych disability. Perhaps that would be a better route to pursue than applying for job after job that you can’t make yourself do anyway.
Best of luck. I know from personal experience that mental illness is a hard road to travel. You need to be realistic about what employers will tolerate, though, and please realize that a probationary employee is being absolutely scrutinized for future “problems.” Chronic call-offs are a major problem for employers, and your current number of call-offs are a huge red flag. I’d be very surprised if you keep this job, unless your manager or HR department are unusually sympathetic. Still, whatever happens, view it as an opportunity for self-improvement rather than a criticism of you. Someone who can’t be at work very near to 100% of the time simply isn’t a good fit for full-time employment. You might need to come to terms with the fact that you’re a better candidate for part-time work, or a less-stressful job than the one you currently have. Or maybe your baseline stress tolerance is so low that you just can’t work. That’s okay, too. Just be honest with yourself.