Sometimes, in the rush of the holidays, and the hurly-burly of the news, you lose track of the special moments in our history, those moments that skirt the line between the merely political and the entirely surreal. While perusing the news of Florida (a common practice amongst Minnesotans, searching for random people to hate, people we will never meet and will not have to apologize to…but I digress…) I came upon this little nugget. It brought to mind another time, only a year ago! when wholesale mendacity was in full flower, and lies spewed from every solemn face.
Everyone has their favorites: Saddam’s nukes, his ballistic missiles, his direct control of OBL’s Islamic fanatics…. But I like the smaller touches, the piquant chunks of utter hogwash, little grace notes in the flatulent symphony of Bushivik lies. Those of you who share my superb taste have already guessed: yes, I’m talking about Saddam’s Dreaded Intercontinental Drone Aircraft of Doom! (Those of you who were expecting something about a Death Ray, of any era whatsoever, are excused. We’ll just wait for a moment until you’re gone….)
Now some lies make you a bit sorry inside, that man could stoop so low, some rouse you to patriotic wrath. Others bring a warm moment, the happy knowledge that the Forces of Darkness are just as chucklewitted as they appear. Just because they’re evil doesn’t mean they’re smart.
http://www.floridatoday.com/!NEWSROOM/localstoryN1216NELSON.htm
“U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson said Monday the Bush administration last year told him and other senators that Iraq not only had weapons of mass destruction, but they had the means to deliver them to East Coast cities.
Nelson, D-Tallahassee, said about 75 senators got that news during a classified briefing before last October’s congressional vote authorizing the use of force to remove Saddam Hussein from power. Nelson voted in favor of using military force.
Nelson said he couldn’t reveal who in the administration gave the briefing.
The White House directed questions about the matter to the Department of Defense. Defense officials had no comment on Nelson’s claim.
Nelson said the senators were told Iraq had both biological and chemical weapons, notably anthrax, and it could deliver them to cities along the Eastern seaboard via unmanned aerial vehicles, commonly known as drones.
“They have not found anything that resembles an UAV that has that capability,” Nelson said. “
To say the least.
Note with appropriate glee “directed questions to the Dept of Defense” who “had no comment”. Not disputed, not corrected. Evaded, presumably with a straight face. Our little lie tried to return to its nest, only to be spurned! Alas!
But it brought an outpouring of nostalgia. Watching that lie hatch like a fledgling mendacity, under the careful broodhen eyes of Mssr.s Cheney and Wolfowitz. How sad that is career was shortened by its entire unreality, its inability to adapt to a world where the half-truth tops the food chain, and the hapless little nugget of bullshit is swept away, as if it never were. But it was! It had its bright moment in the sun. Let us pause to remember a Golden Ugly:
How it found it’s way into the arsenal of that genius of gravitas, Sec.State Colin Powell, that patriot who chose not to surrender his life for his Leader, but the last scrap of his integrity.
“UAVs are well suited for dispensing chemical and biological weapons.
There is ample evidence that Iraq has dedicated much effort to developing and testing spray devices that could be adapted for UAVs. And of the little that Saddam Hussein told us about UAVs, he has not told the truth. One of these lies is graphically and indisputably demonstrated by intelligence we collected on June 27, last year.”
I believe, at this point, he offered the indisputable documentary confirmation of an artist’s rendering of what such an object very well might look like, should it actually exist.
http://www.theolympian.com/home/news/20030810/frontpage/72455.shtml
“Powell showed video of an Iraqi F-1 Mirage jet spraying “simulated anthrax.” He said four such spray tanks were unaccounted for, and Iraq was building small unmanned aircraft “well suited for dispensing chemical and biological weapons.”
According to U.N. inspectors’ reports, the video predated the 1991 Persian Gulf War, when the Mirage was said to have been destroyed, and three of the four spray tanks were destroyed in the 1990s.
No small drones or other planes with chemical-biological capability have been reported found in Iraq since the invasion. Iraq also gave inspectors details on its drone program, but the U.S. bombing intervened before U.N. teams could follow up.”
A bright moment for our plucky little lie, but the heights yet beckoned, glory still called!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/2002-10-24-oped-bamford_x.htm
“Bush mentioned for the first time that the Iraqi regime was developing unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) — drones — that “could be used to disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas.” He warned, “We’re concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these UAVs for missions targeting the United States.”
What a moment for our special little lie: to have the privilege of dropping from the lips of our very own Fearless Misleader! This is the goal of every young fib: to grow big and strong, to be in a position to further death and destruction in a cruel and empty display of power. Even a lie of modest birth, or one like this, for whom no one claims parentage, can climb the heights!
Wanna see a picture?
http://www.differentstrings.info/archives/002849.html
There’s the dreaded thing itself. Tremble, mortals, before the cunning technology of Saddam! If only duct tape had been added to embargoed materials, this advance in their arsenal might have been forestalled!
But its time passed, oh! so quickly! It vanished in the faceless crowd of Bushivik bullpucky, one hard to distinguish from the next as they gush in a torrent from the fonts of falsity. Our little friend was simply overwhelmed, buried under tons of spurious anthrax, obscured by vast stockpiles of non-existent nerve gases.
So I took this nostalgic moment to rescue it from obscurity, if only for a moment, if only for us, the Cecilian Cognoscenti, to savor its mendacity for a special moment, and remember the innocent times, when so many of our Board Brethren swallowed every drop of horseshit shoveled onto our plates, and only a scorned few dared cry out:
“I say its bullshit and I say to Hell with it!”
Never stop, never give up, never say die.
