On Children Who Are Picky Eaters

In My Humble Opinion
41

My daughter went through a phase of picky eating. We just made it so the food on her plate was the only option for meals. She’d have to eat it or not eat. Lucky for us she liked the veggies over anything else.

We did make a deal with her that she only need have one spoonful of everything made. If she ate everything on her plate she could have seconds of whatever she wanted. If she want to fill up on salads or beans, I’m fine with that.

A bit later we let her be involved in helping pick meals. This helped alot because she could play a part in the dinner planning and then wouldn’t have an excuse for not eating those nights.

Granted she was much older at that age but it might help with a smaller child. Sit down with them and make a list of food items. Have them rate them by “ick”, “not bad” and “yummy”. This gives you a good idea of how to plan meals and can at least try to have one “yummy” item.

I suppose you could also make a list of “fun foods to try” to see if you can find something else to add to the yummy list. Make sure to add a few odd ice cream flavours (chunky-monkey, rocky road) and a couple new sweets (butterscotch, toffee, dark chocolate) so you’re not only bombarding the kid with things like sauerkraut and pickled beet soup. Make flavours an adventure. Something fun.

Like said above, you can’t fight it. You also can’t give in. My wife’s sister was one that gave in. Her kids always had the option of eating something else for dinner if they didn’t like what was being servered. Of course the “something else” always ended up being breakfast cereal. She was shocked the day I babysat the boys (then ages 4-6) and got them to eat fried egg sandwiches for lunch. They didn’t seem interested in anything else. I asked if they ever had a fried egg sandwich and they giggled because they thought I was joking. They’d never heard of one. The sheer novelty of the sandwich made it fun and they loved them. It was a favourite of theirs for years to come.

Fried egg sandwiches might not be the best but it’s damn better than a bowl of sugar cereal.

42

china bambina gets to eat what we are all eating or plain pasta.

She also has a very strict school eat everything on your plate school of thought. so i’m happy for the school to be the bad guy, and i give a choice. seriously, i get sick of eating rice with every meal, so think having one choice option is a good one. So far so good.

For the twins, Audrey tends to eat anything. Whatever goes in her mouth gets swallowed. Serena might be the picky one but not bad so far.

43

Basic question: How old is this child?

44

Seven, turning eight this month.

45

I didn’t eat much at all as a child. It wasn’t really an aversion to food; in most cases, I filled up quickly. My parents didn’t push food on me. I can clearly remember attending a picnic where I consumed two bites of a hamburger and some pickles and decided I was full; my mom was thrilled that I had eaten that much.

I do remember certain foods making me extremely nauseous: raw carrots, tree nuts (not peanuts though), melted cheese, extremely greasy foods, overdone steak, and milk. The milk problem was easy to solve; my parents switched to chocolate milk. Melted cheese would always induce projectile vomiting; however, I enjoyed eating sliced cheese. I still have problems eating raw tree nuts, particularly walnuts. And greasy foods have never set well with me; heck, just stepping inside a Cracker Barrel is enough to make my stomach start churning. The steak problem was solved by simply not cooking the steak too much.

In addition to finding out which foods the child enjoys and which are “yucky,” it might be worthwhile to find out if any of the “yucky” foods really do make the child feel ill.

46

I was a picky eater when I was younger too. For me, it was all about texture. Au gratin potatoes would have made me gagged as well. My dad, the primary food preparer in the household, hated hearing me or my sisters complain about what we were eating and, in his eyes, gagging audibly would have been considered a complaint.

Our dinner table rules were simple though. If we were eating something new, or something that it had been a long while since we had last eaten, we had to try one bite of it. He didn’t care if we didn’t like, he just wanted us to try it before we made any decisions. If there was nothing on the table that we liked, then we made ourselves peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. It was always acceptable to do so with no complaint from Dad, just so long as we had tried the food he was serving.

Neither my siblings nor myself ever went hungry and nobody at the dinner table had to put up with complaining, crying, gagging, puking, or any other un-dinner tabley activities.

-Mosquito

47

By 8, the food thing was established at my house. New things we had to try, had to have at least a bite of everything. And I had techniques to hide food in my napkin if I really had to (I doubt my mother was fooled).

Junk food was restricted, but by then I had pocket money and access to a store, so it wasn’t that inaccessible.

But it was generally ‘eat something of what was offerered’. I’d been picturing a four or five year old, max, and I’m working with a 2 year old personally and re-learning to try things myself.

I do have weight problems, I’d guess I’m about 70 pounds unhealthy. Mostly started in my teens with hormones and PCOS; fed by other problems and pregnancies through the years as well. But I’m hoping getting over some of my physical humps (gall bladder surgery rocked!) will help me get over some of the psychological ones and physiological ones, both with eating new/different foods and getting back to a healthy weight.

48

Maybe the Shibblet could start learning to cook. Kids are a lot more interested in eating stuff if they had a hand in its creation.

49

My son went from eating nearly everything at first, then going to school and hearing “Eww, I don’t eat that!” from other kids and realizing that pickiness was an option. So I figured his picky phase was more about the will thing than any physical revulsion.

I ‘hid’ veggies in other stuff, and it worked out well, but what turned out to be really effective for me was finding some cool way to eat a yucky item myself. The whole ‘no, this is just for grownups, you can’t possibly have this!’ type trickery. I bought Hot Pockets with turkey, brocolli and cheese and ate them in front of him. He’d ask for one and I’d reply with “D’oh, I’d fix you one, but they have brocolli and you don’t like that, remember?” So of course he’d bravely offer to suffer thru the hated veggie for the sake of the junk food, and couldn’t pull the not liking it card the next time it was served.

Granted, this type of stuff has zero effect on a kid who’s actually repulsed by the tastes or textures of whatever items, but it can work okay on the power-struggling types.

50

I think you’re probably right that the texture is bothering him. My sister was a very picky eater as a child. In her case, it was not about being willful or trying to get her own way. My parents were so strict that she never once thought refusing to eat would get her a different, preferred meal. My sister knew she would go hungry if she chose not to eat an item. She preferred to go hungry rather than eat certain items, mostly mushy things. She was absolutely miserable over this, and would cry, because she wanted to be able to eat her dinner without making a fuss, but she knew she would throw up if she ate certain foods, usually mushy ones.

Sounds just like your son to me, and she says her problem was always with the texture of certain foods.

One thought on the vegetables–if he eats raw carrots, could you try giving him other raw veggies? Raw broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, and turnip were all things my sister loved at that age, and they are easy to keep around. My sister would also eat veggies that were cooked tender but firm, though not if they were cooked until mushy.

Since it seems clear that your son is not trying to be manipulative, I strongly recommend trying to find a compromise you can both live with. My father took the position that all picky eaters are manipulative brats and should all be forced to eat anything put before them. The dinner table was a battle ground nearly every night. She got punished for not eating, but she also got punished for throwing up. It was miserable for the whole family.

And, in fact, Dad’s policy of forcing her to eat things she knew would make her sick actually made her a more picky eater for awhile. She became afraid to try new things because he built up so much anxiety in her about food. She had very stock orders in restaurants (spaghetti, hamburger, chicken fingers) because she knew if she got something she couldn’t eat, Dad would force her to eat it anyway, and she might throw up in public.

My sister started to grow out of her problems with food texture in her mid-teens. In fact, the only problem she still has is with pasta dishes with large amounts of ricotta cheese. And she started trying new foods as soon as she moved out of the house and did not have to do it in front of my dad, i.e., as soon as the option of not finishing something she ordered/fixed/was served was available to her. So it’s entirely possible that your son will grow out of his problems and learn to try and appreciate new things, even if you accommodate him now.

Best of luck to you and your son.

51

Hey, WhyNot, would you also know if this is true for babies intubated later in infancy? My little sister has always had oral/food/texture issues. She had severe pneumonia when she was six months old and I recall her being on a vent at one point.

52

Here’s my mostly unhelpful anecdote.

I was a picky eater as a kid, and it wasn’t a will-power thing. I never got to the line of vomiting, but there was plenty gagging. Texture and taste were both issues. I hated foods that had widely contrasting textures, and to large part still do. The concept of putting nuts in thai noodle dishes never ceases to repulse me. Cruchy is fine, mushy is fine, just don’t stir the two together please. Anyways, my parents were somewhat reasonable and only occasionally did it devolve into a battle, but typically they insisted that I eat a forkful. Certan things like cauliflower, broccoli or aspargus meant I’d be stubborn and take whatever consequences they had, but with other things I could handle I’d smother them in ketchup. When I say smother, I mean smother, as in a 4 to 1 ratio of ketchup to food. The end result is that I now like ketchup to a degree that simply ins’t normal. I can use a half bottle of the stuff on a large order of fries.

My advice is in accordance with others. Don’t force the issue. Don’t make meals that entirely consist of foods he won’t touch, but if he has no other options beyond the healthier stuff he may eventually find something he’ll eat. But, accept that some foods he will never tolerate. Just because he breaks down and eats the beans, doesn’t mean next time he’ll learn to eat the brussel sprouts.

The tactic that worked for my parents with me was salads. I hated most all veggies and wasn’t especially fond of lettuce, but it was bland enough and I enjoyed some sweet salad dresssings enough that I’d eat it. That gradually led to me not picking the carrot, cabbage, tomato and other things out. Still my primary veggie intake is salads, but now with a wide range of ingredients and a variety of more nutritious greens. An important thing was having the additions cut small enough that I never have to suffer a bite of nothing but tomato, onion, or cucumber. Homogenation was key. Anyways, it’s another offering to test out.

53

My mother used techniques similar to those suggested by WhyNot, 40 years ago.

Some differences:

  • anything new, that she knew we had never had before: we had to try at least 2 bites of it, to see if we liked it.
  • we had to eat everything we took (so no big helpings unless you were sure you liked it). And no seconds until you ate your first helpings of everything.

She didn’t fight about eating, but she also said she only fixed one meal, and if we didn’t want to eat what she’d cooked, we could fix our own. The bread’s on the table, and peanut butter & jelly was in the cupboard. There wasn’t much else we as kids could fix for ourselves (this was long before microwave ovens). Or we could make a sandwich from cold meat, or toast & cheese. We were even welcome to try cooking something for ourselves. I remember trying to fry an egg once; underdone on one side & burnt on the other; nowhere near as good as the fried eggs my mother made. I had to force that down just to show them.

So we didn’t go hungry, but sometimes got awful tired of making their own peanut butter & jelly sandwiches when everybody else was eating a hot meal.

Veggies weren’t much of a problem: we had a lot of fresh vegetables from the garden in the summer, and home-canned ones in winter. And a lot of sweet corn from our own fields. Mom generally fixed 2 vegetables for a meal, and usually one of them was corn or peas, which we all liked. So we got our veggies.

54

FWIW, I was vented 7 times at varying ages - as a 2 month old, again at about 18 months, then at 5, at 14, 15, 19, 24 and at 35. I have a very vivid memory of a gastric lavage [deadly nightshade at the age of 4] and a pneumolavage at 19.

I dont have food texture problems, but in twilight sleep if i am lying in just the right position on my side i can feel ghost jaw blocks … until i wake up.

I will admit, I only like a few mushy foods - cream of wheat, oatmeal, stewed tomatoes and puddings, but I attribute it to my mother not liking mushy veggies. I find veggies cooked until mushy to be sort of dead in flavor. I am not sure what other normal mushy foods would be [other than very badly cooked veggies=)]

55

Oh, and for what it is worth, we had a policy of having to try one bite of something, and our family wasnt really into having dessert nightly [it was more of a sunday dinner thing] and my brother and i did eat and enjoy odd veggies like spinach, broccoli, lima beans, brussels sprouts … but perhaps the spinach thing is unusual because it was done german style as a bacon/spinach hot salad, and mot boiled green slime.

56

I don’t know this for a fact, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least. I know about preemies, because the little one was “late” to feed, and that’s what her doctor attributed it to, so she told me about it. (I put “late” in quotes because I think the doctor was pushing me to feed her too early - now that she’s decided to eat on her own, she has no feeding problems to speak of. But like everyone, she has things she likes and things she doesn’t like. Which seems to be the theme of this thread.)

Truth? I make these concessions to The Method as well. I’ve only just recently re-read *Love and Logic *where they give the more strict method, and I’m in the process of deciding how hard core to be with my daughter. (I was like your mom with my son, now 13.)

The big thing to remember is that, no matter why the child refuses to eat - whether it’s willfullness, pickiness, aversion or simply not liking something (and all of those are valid reasons not to eat) - your response should be the same. It’s not your problem. Putting the action back on the kid (kid has a problem, kid needs to solve the problem) is the teaching of responsibility. For me, if the kid solves his problem by making his own dinner, fine. For parents of a different idea about family meals, that might not be acceptable.

57

You didn’t mention whether your child will eat raw veggies, Shibb, but if he will, it’s perfectly okay to serve them as crudites with a little dip. That way, he has the benefit of vegetables (and probably healthier than cooked), and you’ve avoided a fight.

Aaron goes through phases where he’ll eat cooked vegetables, then he snubs them for a while. I’ve learned to buy raw vegetables and dip when he’s in his snub phase, since I know he’ll eat those.

Robin

58

Just carrots, afaik. We cook a lot of pretty “non-standard” type stuff that we don’t expect them to eat. In fact, we have normally been pretty low key about what they have to eat. I started this thread to see if there were other ways about it. I would like him to eat more different and better foods, but I don’t lose much sleep over it if he doesn’t it.

I might try some things like radishes that aren’t terribly offensive. He might like the crunchiness. I don’t see broccoli happening, though.