On Dogs, Allergies, and Family Gatherings: Opinions Wanted

In My Humble Opinion
21

My mom (who can be a bit of a martyr sometimes) is horribly allergic to cats and somewhat allergic to dogs and does nothing about it. For a few days around Christmas my brother had his dog at their house. She’s only mildly allergic to it. I brought her over a Singulair and told her to take that. She would literally rather sneeze and wipe her nose for three days then then take something that might help her and will, at worst, do nothing.

This is the same person that had shoulder surgery and ‘recovered’ by vacuuming the house for a weekend and going back to work 4 days later trying to cut vegetables with her arm in a sling…and then wonder why it still hurts.

IOW, some people would rather just deal with symptoms then take meds.

I don’t think my mom could get around her cat allergies with Sudafed/Claritin/Singular/Inhalers, but I think she could get over her mild dog allergies to the few dogs she has to deal with around certain times of the year with those meds.

Removing pets from the house is going to border on pointless. Most allergic people can walk into a house and tell within 15-30 minutes if there’s a pet in the house somewhere. The fur/dander is going to be everywhere. If the holiday is going to be hosted and the persons house with pets, the allergic sibling either has to stay home or deal with the symptoms. There’s really no getting around that. Keeping the rest of the dogs home might help with some of it, but taking that dog out of the house isn’t going to be any different the leaving it there for the night.

22

It’s not half a day- the visit lasts a week or two. And I don’t really think there is any good solution - either the allergic person suffers, the allergic person doesn’t attend or the pet owners find a way to not bring their pets, whether it’s a kennel or a dog sitter. I don’t even think the pet friendly hotel would work, as you generally can’t leave the pets in the room alone.

I have to say though, it would never occur to me to take my dog on a week or two long vacation to a place where there will be other dogs that he really doesn't know, and where the dogs will not be on leashes. Even if the place is my mother's house and even if no one is allergic.
23

I don’t think there’s a definitive answer here. The allergy sufferer should communicate with the host and see if an arrangement can be made.

24

nm

25

Does this really happen? Adult children, with their children, and their dogs – for a week or two at mom and dad’s house? Where do they live – Camp David? The Corleone compound?

If it really happens, I’d stay home with the allergic child. Unless the child’s allergies can be controlled, it’s not worth the risk, or the hassle of sequestering the dogs. Visit later when the dogs won’t be around.

26

My cat allergy got so bad I couldn’t be around them for 15 minutes without an asthma attack. Drugs sometimes worked. Inhalers barely helped. I just stopped visiting the family members with pets, who would rather see me die than lock a cat in a bedroom.

Of course making a sibling suffer because your pet is more important is mean-spirited, but I think the reality is the family doesn’t give a shit and allergic sibling is just being whiny and self-centered.

Allergic sibling should take the hint.

Or get allergy shots.

27

I voted for leaving the the dogs, although I think that option could include other ways of having NO DOGS IN THE HOUSE – maybe if one dog-owning sib is more local, that person could offer their home as a doggie hotel. If it were that important to people, they could take turns going to that house throughout the week for dog care. This seems like a huge production, but frankly, so does bringing a dog along on a week vacation with one’s parents. To me, “widely scattered” implies distances that would mean air travel – are people really putting in the time, hassle and expense to travel with their dogs at Christmas?

28

My sisters-in-law did this. They never traveled to visit my parents-in-law without all the animals in tow. One lived in MO and traveled to SC with dog and cats. The other SIL lived about 6 hours away and brought her dog. My BIL, who lived locally, dropped his kids and dog off at the grandparents. This was in a three bedroom, small ranch style house.

Made for a very busy Christmas visit. Thankfully, no one was allergic. Made or a great story one yer, with most of the grand kids sleeping on the living room floor and the dogs got in from the garage. Starting chasing the cats by running across all the sleeping kids. My colicky one year old (in with us) had just fallen asleep when the kids’ screaming started, sigh.

29

I think the best solution is probably a compromise - maybe the dogs get corralled in one level of the house, and the allergic fella takes some antihistamines.

One word about antihistamines, though - not everyone can take them. I’m very susceptible to drowsiness, and even the non-drowsy versions put me out like a light (not very conducive to visiting :slight_smile: ).

30

This. A thousand times this. For crying out loud, pay a pet sitter to come stay with the dogs or stay in a hotel that allows pets and leave them there when you’re visiting at the family home. But you don’t just bring your animals to someone else’s house, especially if there’s a person so highly allergic they could have an asthma attack, which in case you didn’t realize, could be fatal (it only has to happen once and there’s not backsies on that one).

I can’t believe people could be that indifferent to other people’s serious health concerns, let alone that family would treat each other with such inconsideration. On second thought, maybe I can.

Leave your dogs at home or don’t go.

31

Thanks everyone for the responses - very interesting. I wanted to present the situation neutrally at first, but now I’ll give more context and try to answer some questions.

I am the allergic sibling. The Christmas get together is not just for one day but a week or so at my parents’ for Christmas/New Year’s. I live overseas and my three siblings are widely spread out, so this is often the one time of year we get to see one another. Already we’re seldom all there and I’m sure it’ll be harder when grandkids come along (there’s only one now, an infant), but (this issue aside) we are a close family and I think we’ll continue to try to get together when we can.

Yes, I take antihistamines and whatever other drugs are available to deal with the allergy. I have not taken shots, and am not sure they would work - no doctor has ever recommended them to me as an option.
Okay, now for some more real-life context/boring detail. (Just stick to the scenario in the OP if this is too long.) Some background to this is that my parents were also, until recently, pet owners. They got a dog when I graduated high school and left home. When I came back to visit they were always great about vacuuming ahead of time and keeping the dog locked away in one area while I was there. I never asked them to do so; they just did. I’d still usually get sick, but so be it: it was their home, I chose to come, and I was glad they got to enjoy a dog since they never could when I was living there.

Then my siblings started bringing their own dogs to our parents’. I guess everyone was used to me being sick anyway, so what’s another dog or two? I didn’t say anything except for the fact that they were much more blase about letting their dogs run around. While our parents nicely kept their dog sequestered somewhere to minimize my exposure to it, certain siblings thought it was just so cute when their pup would escape, run around the house, jump on the couch, and get hair everywhere. The implication was that I was heartless for not seeing how adorable this all was - as though my allergies were really just a deficiency of soul. I was nice about it, but had to remind them that that was not the case and that, cute or not, their dog actually made me sick.

Well, earlier this year my parents’ dog died. My two siblings who are coming for Christmas this year are still bringing their dogs. One sibling is staying for over a week and is short on cash, so I didn’t really expect she would pay for a kennel. Her dog is also little and she’s (now) not bad about keeping it locked away. I’ve still gotten sick, which sucks, but I’m used to it by now.

My brother is only coming for two nights (he lives the closest, about 3 hours away). He has a big dog that sheds a lot, and this year my parents suggested he get a kennel. This did not go over well. Fine, he’s bringing the dog, though it’s agreed the dog will stay in the basement.

Well, here’s the part that infuriates me: my brother and his wife arrive today and rather than bring the dog to the basement, they are adamant that the dog stay in the bedroom with them.

Why is this infuriating? Because as they well know, that is the room I will sleep in again when they leave. There’s limited space, and since they’re married and I’m not, I’m bumped to the couch while they’re here. My parents, ever eager to avoid conflict, say we’ll just air out and clean the room really well after they leave. I don’t think it’ll really work - as someone pointed out above, that stuff sticks in the air for a long time.

Does it matter? I’m already sick anyway, and though it helps somewhat to sleep in a dog-free room, the dander is so in the air that maybe it doesn’t *really *matter, other than psychologically. But they were so unaccommodating about it that it pissed me off and made me start reassessing the entire issue, hence the OP and desire for a reality check.

Okay, vent over. More opinions/thoughts still welcome.

tl;dr? Just go by the OP scenario. :slight_smile:

32

Only one Doper suggested that the dog owners invest in a relationship with a dog sitter. My mom did this. She had a large dog and was frail, so she sought someone who wanted to be a part time dog sharer. The dog was brought over to that guy who lived near her, a couple times a month and got spoilt rotten with long walks, lots of attention, etcetera. The dog got used to the arrangement very quickly and loved to go to his “other parent”. If the dog owners would have invested time in such a sitter relationship, the choice would not be suffering sibling vs. sad dog in expensive kennel.

My mom being my mom, she managed to get in a jealousy based fight with the dogs other co-parent, and the whole arrangement went sour. Still, with reasonable people, it might work.

33

Adding: the dog co parenting arrangement was voluntary on both sides, initially. The man was too busy with his job to care for a dog during the week, but he loved goiing for long dog walks on some weekends. A part time dog was a great solution for him. mom was retired and had more time during the week. No money changed hands.
I can imagine that such a sitter/dog co parent would like to get the dog for the x mas holidays. And that the other siblings might welcome not to have the hassle of travelling with a dog, knowing the dog was well cared for, happy, and available for Skype sessions :slight_smile:

34

I love my dog with all my heart, but it won’t kill him to be left behind for a while.

35

If the situation were reversed, and they were all coming to your house and someone else had the allergy, I would be asking you if you would invite the dogs but not your siblings and the choice would be, at least to me, obvious (the dogs! ;))

However, seeing that you’re the allergic sibling, if your other siblings insist on bringing their pets and you’re really that allergic, if I were you I would just stay in a hotel. Is that fair to you? Nope. Are your siblings being dicks about it? Sounds like it. But it comes down to what you can control, and you can only control what you do, and what you can do is stay somewhere else. You’ll still see your family, and you’ll only have to deal with their pets for a few hours a day rather than an entire week.

36

What do your siblings do when they want to take a vacation where they really can’t take the dog? I just don’t get it; if I could never get away sans-dog, I wouldn’t have a dog (which would kill me, I love my doggies. Thank God I live in the real world where people have options.)

Anyway, I’m with DCnDC: I’d stay in a hotel, and make it very clear that I’m doing so because of the dogs. If they’re going to be dicks, you can be a dick back.

I’m astonished about the deal where your one sibling is insisting the dog has to be in the bedroom with them. Then again, I’ve had dogs where staying in a strange room in a strange house would not work, the dog would be scared and whine or bark when left alone, so that wouldn’t work. But once again, the solution is to not bring the dog.

I do have a brother who is allergic to dogs. I can’t do anything about it when he comes to my house, but he’s also never opted not to come when invited. I assume he takes some drugs if he’s coming over for dinner or something. I would never bring my dogs to his house, and if we’re meeting at common ground - like my parent’s house - I don’t bring the dogs (I do sometimes bring them there because my mother looooves to see them).

What a crappy situation all around. And I say that as a person who is totally, completely, stupidly silly about her dogs.

37

I voted “other,” and am in the “allergic person needs to try some meds” camp. I got shots for my allergies and my life has been vastly improved. Did you know that spring has a smell?

38

Tell them you won’t be coming back next year unless the dogs are relegated to the basement (or at least, quarantined in a bedroom you won’t be sleeping in). If you arrive and the dogs are there and being unruly, then get a hotel.

39

Given the situation you describe, locking the dogs away or not is really making no difference. Dog hair and dander is certainly in the vents, and the carpet, and the blankets, and the vacuum cleaner bag. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent your exposure to allergens in that house. Even if all the dogs stayed outside the whole time, or at a kennel you would still be sick.

Talk to a doctor, get antihistamines - or a gas mask - and enjoy your time with your family.

40

Your siblings sound like a bunch of pricks. If I were you, I’d begin phasing them out of my life altogether.

My suggestion: visit your parents at some time other than Christmas.