I think people keep confusing friends with acquaintances. They are two very different things to me. Acquaintances are there for the good times - and that’s it. There is no responsibility, no commitment, no need to understand or really care about each other’s problems. Acquaintances should just be fun. On the other hand, I would go to extraordinary lengths to salvage or maintain a friendship - much greater lengths than I would go to to resolve problems with acquaintances. Also, I understand that the lines between the two are a little different for everyone, so since I have not clarified it until now, nobody would know for sure what I mean when I use these terms.
As far as the assholishness of their friend goes; think of a broad crosssection of banned posters boiled down into their essential elements of arguing disingenuously, rudely, attacking people and not ideas and you pretty much have an idea of this guy. He is a very intelligent person, yet almost every single conversation descends very quickly into an argument where he is trying to overpower or put down people who think anything different. He is somewhat of an intellectual bully I feel. To some extent however, that is neither here nor there; I am somewhat of a buffoon - so on the whole I do not want to come across as feeling like I am a better person than him; there is certainly plenty that anyone could find fault with me. What it does boil down to is that he is tiresome to listen to for me, I just do not find it entertaining, and even find his manner makes me somewhat uncomfortable and awkward. I think what also itrritates me is how he treats the wife of the couple I am acquainted with - I like hearing what she has to say, she is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met in my entire life, but, for whatever reason she just goes along with allowing him to overpower the conversation.
To further expound upon this friend of theirs, he is somebody they have known for 2 years about, and is not a long term friend from childhood that they kind of put up with despite his irritating qualities. What this says to me, or to my gut I guess would be a little better way of putting it, is that they kind of seek this behavior out in people, that it is almost a plus for them in a way. It’s hard to say for certain, but I have known plenty of people in the past who always gravitate towards people with kind of toxic qualities like that - or I guess I should say toxic in the sense that they are qualities mature, self confident people tend to stay away from.
Not that there’s anything wrong with being a little immature or lacking the type of self confidence that tends to make abrasive people seem annoying and not interesting, to each his own. For me though, I think that I just would rather spend time doing things with or getting to know people who have the same idea of what is appropriate and what is not.
What is weird about all this is that I never in the past judged people by the company they keep, but now it seems like an ok thing to do on some nonintellectual level. I felt a little bad at first about that, but now I don’t; mainly because I am not close friends with this couple so it won’t make a big difference in anyone’s life if I’m absent from the occasional gathering with them that I used to be non absent from.