Why is it so wrong to spend time with all members of the opposite sex?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m a (practically) 18-year-old girl. I have an equal number of girl and guy friends, but it just so happens that none of my girl friends ever have time for me, or ever want to do anything. I basically don’t see them all summer.

However, when having boyfriends, I’d make friends with their guy friends, and we’d remain friends even after I wasn’t with the boyfriends anymore, so I’ve managed to accumulate quite a few guy friends from this (the exes remain my friends also).

These guys seem to have plenty of time for me, and they’re always out doing stuff and inviting me along. At first, Mom had a “you have to have another girl with you” rule, which I didn’t mind because I wasn’t very trustworthy of being with all guys at the time. But this evening, my friend Paul called and invited me to go bowling with “the guys”. Another girl had been with us at the time, but he didn’t mention her coming. I assumed that she was coming, so Dad and I sat on the porch waiting for my ride. Imagine the look on Dad’s face when a car with five guys in it pulls up the driveway to get me (luckily he was asleep by the time I got home). At first I was a little leery, but the night turned out to be fun. The guys just treated me like one of them; none of them took advantage of me except to pick me up and try to throw me in the garbage can for fun. :slight_smile:

When I got home, Mom wasn’t too happy with me for doing what I did. I guess when she thinks 5-6 males + her precious daughter = gang bang, or something like that.

I mentioned my night out to a few friends, and there were some raised eyebrows. I want to know what is so wrong with it! Personally, I think guys are more fun to hang out with than girls. No, it’s not a sexual thing. I just think that a lot of girls are catty and gossipy and would rather talk about clothes and things like that. That’s okay to a point, but it gets boring. Now, I’ll admit that hanging out with males isn’t always fun (watching them play video games isn’t my idea of entertaining), but at least they’re not usually ripping on each other and obsessing over their weights (when I talk about my weight I do it jokingly because if I ever seriously lamented my 115 pound frame I’d be whacked to death with purses and bookbags). I guess I’m just a traitor for not liking girls that much even though I am one.

My gramma said that she had the same problem too when she was younger, and that everyone either said that she was sleeping with all of them or she was a lesbian, neither of which were true. She, like me, just preferred the company of males.

Any thoughts on this? Any other “traitors” of their species out there? Any why is it so socially unacceptable to some people?

2

I suppose it’s the understandable (if judgemental) assupmtion that all of these guys are thinking of ways to get into your pants. And when young guys get together, occasionally their hormones overwhelm their good intentions.
Just a thought.

3

A female friend of mine does this also. She says that women are (her words) “too bitchy and a pain in the ass to hang out with.” I have no problem with it and have no intention of “getting into her pants.”

As to why it is socially unacceptable, hell if I know.

4

Nothing wrong with it at all. Sounds like you are hanging out with a bunch of guys that accept you being a woman that is just hanging out.

I can understand the potential parent trepidation with you, a female, going into a car of all guys. It’s potential for disaster is well known in the media. We’ve all heard the horror stories. But what we haven’t heard is your experience or mine.

Most of my pals in highschool and college were male (I’m female) and I never felt safer. These were my “buds” and they would never hurt me. In fact, they went out of their way to keep me safe.

I guess, in the end, it isn’t about the “sex” of your friends, it’s about the quality of your friends. If you feel safe with your male friends, take the chance and let your parents get to know them. They will feel more comfortable and I’ll bet you will too.

My best to you!
Byz

5

I too have a lot of guy friends. I’m not a tomboy, but I’ve just always been at ease around guys. I’m sure you know what I mean. It’s a great thing!

I’m not sure if it is because I am a little older than you are, but my parents have never given me crap about who I go out with. My mom had guy friends too, and her mom was hung up on it, so maybe that’s why my mom understands and approves and encourages my guy friendships.

My friends fall into two groups- those who go out with guys as often as I do, and those who don’t. With the former, it’s so ordinary to go out with more guys than girls that it’s never discussed. With the latter, it doesn’t come up either. I guess they never thought about adding guys to the mix.

I find my guy friends refreshing for two reasons: one, I think they’re better for wild, immature fun stuff, and two, it makes me feel like one of the guys, which is great. They introduce me to other guys and are like brothers to me (I don’t have any siblings). And like you mentioned, I like that they aren’t girls. Guys aren’t so obsessed with the petty things that girls can be.

If this is being a traitor, then hell, I should have abandoned my “side” a long time ago!

When my girl pals got flak because of their guy friends, I’d tell them that the people teasing them were just jealous and insecure. I still think that.

6

A two part answer from an old fart father of a 15-year-old girl.

First, I can understand your preferring to hang with guys rather than girls. Your reasons are valid (your chick friends are busy all summer; guys aren’t gossipy or catty; it’s only social, no raging hormones involved). You need a social life, and going bowling is a neat social activity. Hopefully you can trust these guys not to turn into a wolfpack on you. And if you’re more comfortable with guys, hey, that’s cool too. For my part, I’ve always gotten along extremely well with the women at work pretty much wherever I work. Fortunately, my wife is very understanding.

Now the but part. This is all well and good, but. . . at 18 you need a more well-rounded social life. Even if you can trust these guys completely (and I hope you can), you still need to socialize in mixed company. To use an illustration, at your age you can afford to eat more hot fudge sundaes than a guy like me, who is more than twice your age. Fine. So you do. But if you ate them for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you wouldn’t be getting all the nutrition you need. A balanced diet in your social life is important also, otherwise you may not develop all the social skills you need. Just a thought.

One other thing (I know I was going to make this a two-parter, but it just turned into a triad). You may be pure of heart, and the guys you hang with may also be pure of heart, and your activities may be as innocent as a basket of beagle puppies, but it’s also important to avoid the appearance of impropriety. Whether it’s right or wrong for people to judge you and the folks you hang out with, they do it all the same. And it’s hard to dispel rumors or restore a tarnished reputation.

7

Yes and no. I hung out with mostly “the guys” all through high school and beyond. I got branded at best a flirt, and at worst a slut. The first was probably true :), the latter was certainly not. Those people who believed the latter are no longer a part of my life, as I can’t be bothered to deal with that mentality. I associate with people who judge me by knowing me, not by superficial observation.

What I’m getting at - what others think of you (your reputation) is important to a point, but what you think of yourself is far more important. It is up to you as an individual to decide whether you can deal with it, or whether to deal with it at all. There were times, especially while still in high school, that it got a little rough, but looking back on it, I wouldn’t change who I ‘hung’ with now, just to avoid some petty gossip. These guys were, and some still are, my best friends.
And having said all of that… When my 12 year old daughter starts high school, and starts hanging out with the guys, I will freak. It’s a parental right :slight_smile: I’ll try to keep my hysteria down to a minimum, though, for her sake.

8

I was/am and extreme toboy–never ghot along with the girls. I can’t take catty and gossipy and stuff like that. So i was always friends with all the guys…always just me and the guys…and my mom hated it. She even called me a slut once becuase she was so mad that I never had any girl-friends…so I made up Katie. Mom never met Katie, but Katie went to see Kiss with me, and to the movies, and to the beachhouse, and to parties with me.

I lived with nine guys for a while <then the house burned down> and it was fine, but the comments I got from coworkers and friends were not cool.

I have managed to make about 4 girl-friends that I like and keep close to me. but I always opt to hang out with the guys, it’s always so much better.

9

And it will go on all your life, whether you stay in one place or travel around.

10

Tame Cat

It rests me to be among beautiful women
Why should one always lie about such matters?
I repeat:
It rests me to converse with beautiful women
Even though we talk nothing but nonsense,

The purring of the invisible antennae
Is both stimulating and delightful.

– Ezra Pound

11

If I were the Welfy’s dad, I’d feel better about her going out with 5 guys than just 1 or 2. Despite the horror stories we hear, I don’t think that gang rape is on the minds of the vast majority of hormone-addled teen males. One or two is much more dangerous, IMO.
When I was in HS, a girl named Laura hung out a lot with us “guys”. While, at various times, Laura dated two of the guys, and the rest of us definitely had thoughts about her, when we all went out together, it was the gang going out, not the guys and Laura.
Sua

12

I, too, have always been a “more guy friends than girl friends” type of female. At first it was a function of my neighborhood (more boys than girls my age) but the trend continued.

I started reading a little of the literature on male/female thinking styles and communication styles and I swore I saw much more of myself in the “male” descriptions of how they think, how they approach problems, how they talk, etc. And the descriptions of the way women talk and think were like reading a list of pet peeves about my own brain and some of the girls I knew. So I’ve concluded that maybe I tend to “think more like a guy” if such a thing is possible. So it naturally would follow that I get along well with men.

That said, I chose to go to an all-female college (go figure!) and that was great for breaking this pattern at least somewhat. Speaking personally, I feel like I had a negative attitude toward women (they had to prove they weren’t going to be annoying before I’d put away my reservations). I was also a little competitive with them in a way I am not with men. You know, “That one is prettier, thinner, smarter, so I feel hostile.” I’ve concluded that this is a shitty way for me to go through life. I learned better how to be friends with women, how to appreciate the cool way that women (including myself) are, how to converse in a way that women expect and appreciate. It’s been better for my ability to make friendships later in life, and it’s truly come in handy now that I work in an office that is nearly all female!

Don’t get me wrong, I still am great friends with men. I probably STILL get along with them better. But for someone like me, getting along with women was actually a “skill” I had to learn, and I am glad I acquired it.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with your having mostly male friends. But as DAVEW said, balance is good. Getting along with women and enjoying their company is also an important aspect to your character, IMHO.

13

I agree with you :slight_smile: I have one good female friend right now, and 6 good male friends, not mentioning people I’m only “friendly” with, that is not close to. I agree that guys are better cause they don’t sit around talking about their weight, etc. I hang out with my boyfriend’s friends a lot more than my own too because I like them well enough that I don’t feel the need to have other friends. I agree that the guys are more likely to stay in touch with you over the long term. I enjoy the guys mostly because they usually have interesting/itelligent/cool things to say. The one female friend I have is also this way, but she is unlike many women I meet and stay friends with. Hope that helps you feel better about your relationships with mostly guys :smiley:

14

I genreally had mixed friends during high school but my real best friend, the one I felt closest with, was a guy. To the point where he routinely crashed at my parent’s house when we were working late on school projects. I think my parents felt wierd at first, but after meeting Brent, seeing what a total pussycat he was, they felt ok. Maybe if your parents met your guy crowd, they wouldn’t feel so wierd. You should prepare them for the probable eventuality of co-ed dorms, by the way.

Also, I had geeky “boy interests” you know, like computers, x-men comix and such… I also had a mild dislike towards evil female bitchy types which seemed to predominate in my younger years. I think, though, as I got older I aquired more female friends.

15

I’ll agree with all of this. I do feel like I’m at competition with other girls. And with guys, well, I’m just the “cute chick” that hangs out with them. For a while there (May-June) I only hung out with my boyfriend and his friends. Then he moved away (so we broke up) but I still hung out with the friends since they’re now my friends. But one day a female friend had a party and invited all girls. I ended up going and feeling sort of a “culture shock”! Man, it was just as bad as staying in third-world Mexico for a while and then staying in San Diego! I found it really difficult and awkward to talk to them.

I admit, I do miss the company of my girl friends. But I figure once band camp and school roll around in these next couple weeks/months, I’ll get back into the cycle. You have to realize that I live far out in the country, far away from any friends. Since I can’t drive, they have to come out and get me. I guess the guys don’t mind driving out here to pick me up as much as the girls do. :^)

BTW, when we were bowling last night, some dude who I didn’t know was hanging out with the guys while I was playing pool with two others. He was asking all these questions about me and saying I was hot and stuff and that he wanted to ask me out. But I guess my guy friends didn’t think much of him and sorta discouraged him from going after me. Wasn’t that nice of them? :^P I’m glad they did that because he seemed kind of shady to me.

16

I’ve always had mostly male friends too. I also discovered that I tend to think “like a guy”. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

17

Though I “think like a guy” quite often, I know that deep down I probably think more like a girl. Yes, I care about makeup and my hair, I do love flowers, I am very emotional and cry a lot. Heck, I even like the color pink. I’m a hopeless romantic that likes guys to write me poetry and sing me love songs. But give me a choice between a doll and a GI Joe and I would pick good ol’ Joe. :^)

I sing like a guy, too! Believe it or not, this welf sings in the alto/tenor range. In our last musical, my director had a group of 4 girls who sang tenor, and I was among them. Everyone jokingly called us “the manly-voiced girls” and “those tenor freaks” but I didn’t mind. I enjoyed practicing with the guys! It was also fun throwing off all the sopranos when singing with them. :^) I can sing soprano and (some) bass also, but not as well.

18

Let me chalk another “me too” vote on the board. I’ve always gotten along with men better than with women. Part of that is probably due to what I went to school for (comp. sci) and where I now work (software industry) and the fact that there are far more males in both. I’m more relaxed with a group of guys and less worried about how I come across. I find that being friends with women is something I have to make an effort to do. Sometimes I’m willing to make that effort, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood.

That said, there are times when I really wish I had more female friends. It’s hard to rant about why my husband is pissing me off to someone who probably does the same thing. :slight_smile:

19

Ah Welfy, welcome to my boat.

The majority of my friends are male, for reasons you mentioned in the op, and being nineteen, I too, get my share of slack.

In my opinion, it’s absolute bull when people rag about it. It’s just ridiculous.

:: sigh ::

At least we have eachother…

20

hops into boat Woo hoo!

So, um, hello, Mega. How are you? I’m just great! Errrr…so what kind of music do you like? Um, I like Smashing Pumpkins and, er, Christian music! Cool, huh? Ummmmmm…I’m a Virgo, what about you?

Gees, I need to work on my people skills. :^)