take your girlfriends and cram 'em!

The BBQ Pit
1

Two pit threads in two days? Must be the solar flares. But let me rant, won’t you? I’ll give you a dollar

As I perused this thread about best friends, I was reminded of a knock down drag out fight my sister and I had (some of those are threads in themselves), about best friends, and more importantly…girl friends.

My sister, my mother and my great Aunt all believe that I am somewhat “odd”. :: cough :: My mother thinks I am, and I quote “the most self centered, conceited, unfriendly person” she’s ever known. My aunt and sister claim they would never describe me as “sweet or even likable” and they blame this on my lack of ‘girl friends’.

I say, batting my eyelashes, that’s bullshit.

Ok, I don’t swear at my mom.

Look, it’s just a well known fact that I get along better with men than women. That’s been true since I was about six and hung out with a group of neighborhood boys, hung out with the skaters in highschool, hung out with the rugby team in college. We just meld better.

I’m not a tomboy, I’m quite feminine, with makeup and pigtails and jewelry and such. I don’t act like a boy or a man, unless you consider liking sports and porn man-ish. I’m heterosexual, I love guys and I do have fun when I’m out with girls, and there are girly things I like (spas, puppies, diamonds)

“Oh that’s not the same,” they say. “you need GIRLLLLLFRIEENDS. You need someone to chat with, to share stuff with, to cry with.”

First of all, I hate nothing more than ‘chatting’ on the phone. It’s like a death sentence to me. I don’t like sitting around at faux slumber parties drinking white wine and talking about ‘how men suck’. The bottom line is, if you’ve got nothing to say, let me watch the Simpsons.

Secondly, I share things with guys! I have a husband, I have three VERY VERY close guy friends. I cry in front of them, I bitch to them, I go out drinking with them, what’s the difference?

“They don’t UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE to be a girl.”

So what? I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I don’t know that each and every girl is the same, nor is each and every guy. Aren’t we all supposed to be equal?

“But girls can talk about relationships.”

YAWN. I desire nothing in the world less. Why don’t you pour me a mug full of glass shards instead.

I don’t actively dislike girls…I just like guys better, I think. Maybe I just haven’t met the right girl.

But until then, I’m hangin’ with the guys…and no…

I don’t have a best friend…well, my husband…

and he’s a guy.
jarbaby

2

Sister, you’re singing my song.

3

I’m with you, snickerdoodle. ALL of my close friends have always been women. I find that almost all the men I meet are incapable of being anything but rigorously non-emotional. That doesn’t mean I’m Phil Fucking Donohue here, it just means that almost any conversation flourishes and is more complete when both participants can at least admit they have emotions.

I took the kids back to the condo community where we used to live, for a Halloween party. It was like 15 families. After about an hour, ALL the men were outside, sitting or standing. ALL of the women were sitting inside in a semi-circle, talking. The difference? The men, almost to the last, were NOT interacting in any way. A few had Walkman’s on. A few had brought newspapers ( who the fuck brings a paper to a neighborhood gathering?? ). I stood there looking them over, and realized that I wanted to be where the fun was. And, I went back inside. Not so I could talk about relationship…just so I could hang with people who are mature enough to enjoy themselves !!! Feh.

My oldest friend of over 20 years is Alexandra. She and I click, always have, and don’t GIVE me that shit about " When Harry Met Sally". I don’t want to fuck her. I never have. Doesn’t even blip on my radar.

I just find that I can enjoy the company of women more than men. The flipside of Jarbaby ( who just a few moments ago suffered gentle barbs at my hand in another Forum. :smiley: Sorry, Jar, had to do it ).

There. My two cents.

Cartooniverse

4

“Cram’em?” Isn’t that what one is supposed to do with one’s girlfriend?
<d&r>

5

Jarbabyj, I knew there was something I liked about you :slight_smile: (Among other things, like your ranting style, and fuckchops - two thumbs up!)

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jarbabyj - I know what you mean. I expect it’s because I’ve worked in predominantly male environs since I was 19, but for the most part, I enjoy the company of men much more than women. When I had to attend a few work-related events with hubby, I did my best to socialize with the wives of his associates, but I couldn’t do it! I know partly it’s because I’m not a stay at home mom and also because I don’t have a typical “woman” job. Even my hobby - sailing - is not something I’ve been able to discuss with other women.

Still, every second Saturday of the month, I meet for “Girls’ Breakfast Out” and I have a good time, but it’s not a man-bashing event - just a bunch of friends hanging together for a couple of hours.

So, in keeping with the tone of the OP - I don’t want to talk diapers and coupons and how to get my whites whiter! There’s more to life than teething and waxing the garden hose! Talk to me about the world or life or philosophy or something deeper than diaper rash and you shall be my friend!

Now, who wants to go sailing??

7

Hey jarbabyj, if I’m ever in your neck of the woods, or you in mine, I for one would like to go drinking with you. In my lifetime, I think I’ve had two close girlfriends. Ever. Then I moved and lost touch. I don’t like to play the reindeer games most women do. It always feels to me like some sort of competition rather than bonding. I also abhor, loathe, despise talking on the phone. People call me and I sit there thinking the whole time “What the fuck do you want? Why did you call? Cut the bullshit and get to the POINT.”

And, you’re right. Men rock. However some jokes just don’t work as well with them.

[sub]Do you ever get that ‘not so fresh’ feeling?[/sub]

8

:: out of breath ::

Pardon me, I’ve just been chasing goboy out of the yard

:: shaking fist ::

Don’t you be comin’ around with your sick jokes!!!

Sweet mary in heaven, come on by! I’ll make ya a Colorado Bulldog and we’ll play poker. No manicures, no gossip, no reading of Glamour…just drinking and lewd behavior.

TEST…I…FY. One of my friends from New York calls and she’s always likel, “so…how are…things???” AAAAGGHHGHHG…we’re chatting…there’s no end! Stop!

Cartooniverse…thank you for the ‘gentle barbing’.

That sounds dirty, doesn’t it?

jarbaby

9

But I am so with you on this. I have very few female friends and the ones I do have are just like me. All our best friends are guys. We think more like guys in a lot of respects and it just pisses off the other females around when we don’t see things their way. I’m one of the few females I know that gets invited to bachelor parties. (well, okay. My friends are pervs and just like to watch me and the stripper dance. ;))
My SO is the flipside. His best friends are female. An arrangement casual observers do NOT undersatnd how I can put up with. :: shrug ::

I dunno, jarbaby. You may be my new best friend. First the submission thing, and now this. :smiley: But You-Know-Who is still mine!

10

Don’t sweat that stuff jarbabyj, we all know you are one hell of a guy.

*Joke ! It’s a joke ! *

Seriously, someone who is one of the “boyz” (yes I had to use the “z”), but at the same time isn’t . . . . can be be pretty atractive. Be yourself. You rock.

11

Umm, no offense, but it seems to me that y’all are putting forth a very stereotypical view of the way women talk and interact. Perhaps you just need to meet some different women.

12

Fret, that may be very true. That’s why I said in my post I may not have met the right girls. But after having too many women come up to me and call me “honey” when they don’t even know me, or want to go out to a “wine bar”, or want to call and cry to me that their boyfriends don’t cuddle after sex or think that I ‘swear too much’…I’m a little wary. Sounds like there’s a lot of chicks on this board that I’d get along with…unfortunately, we’re spread out across the country.

Arden…

you be careful. I’m gonna get 'im

jarbaby

13

jarbabyj, having gone out drinking with you, I have to say you are one of the coolest people I have met! I will back you up on your OP, you are very at ease with guys around. I will go out with you (and hubby if he has to come along :D) any ole time, just say the word.
I promise we’ll be better behaved this time! No trips to jail anymore, m’kay?

I am in somewhat the same boat as I find I relate to women much better than to men. Part of it is my aversion to most organized sports, I’m sure :wink:

Don’t get me wrong, I have guy friends and we have a good time, but I feel much more comfortable in the company of women. I guess y’all are easier to talk to :slight_smile:
[sub]except if I am with someone I am smitten with, then I get all tongue tied and start "umm"ing and then the awkward pauses…[/sub]

14

Oh MIKE! My only complaint about Friday was that I never got handcuffed.

Not even once!

I had fun though, too!..with everyone, even the cops.

Let’s do it again…and this time I’ll plan on being out until dawn. :smiley:

jarbaby

15

You wish, you little minx.

16

While I agree that most women are consumed by petty concerns, so are most men.

Furthermore, when it comes to endless talking-about-baby, I think this is more a parent/non-parent divide than a girl/boy thing. Or at least it should be: I wouldn’t think much of a father who could talk endlessly about existentialism but had no idea whether or not his child had ever had a bad case of diaper rash, or who had no interest in any advise on mimimizing the pain should it occur.

17

jarbaby,

I want to give you a cyberhug, but now I’m wary after the other pit thread damning them. Just know that I thought one your way. Oh dear, I just thought of something. Is it actually a cyberhug if I don’t put the {} up? I’m confused now.

Anyway, I used to have a roommate who expressed the same preference for hanging out with males. Despite my being female, we got along fine. Still it was my first time ever coming across her kind of perspective, and it was eye-opening for me. I personally don’t understand males, but that’s what attracts me to them. I mean I have male friends, and we have fun talking about all kinds of things both serious and silly, but I don’t have the kind of relationships with them that I have with my females friends. They can’t understand the way my female friends do what I mean or how I feel when I get upset about how some men patronise me because of how I look. Everytime I try to hang out with males, they just act very courteously, and I never really get to see them act raw. They are afraid to show their emotions to me, and I don’t understand why. I won’t hate them or think they’re weak if they cry in front of me. It’s like they don’t want to let me into that private men’s club, and I find that so frustrating! How is it that you connect so well with males? Is there a book I can read that will give me some insight into what makes them tick? Maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong ones. [sigh]

What I do appreciate about males is how honest they usually are, though. They also don’t tend to gossip viciously about their male or female friends behind their backs the way some females do about their female or male friends. At least I don’t think they do. Maybe this is what you appreciate about them too. They generally haven’t been socialized to be devious like some females have. :slight_smile: And, I can usually tell when most males I’ve known are lying because they don’t do it with any kind of finesse whatsoever.

I think what you’re upset with is that your mother is making you feel like there’s something wrong with you because you don’t like hanging out with females. There’s nothing wrong with your preference for hanging out with males. YOU DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU and don’t worry about what other people think.

If you are concerned because you have some kind of unreasonable bias against females in general and that is barring you from getting to know individual females better and connecting with them, then this is something you might want to investigate in the interest of developing your own self knowledge, not because you don’t conform to your mother’s idea of what a woman should be and what kind of friends she should have. Is there a traumatic experience you had with females when you were growing up? Is your distrust of females based on some mother-daughter conflict you’ve had? I know you mention that you don’t like gossiping on the phone (I can’t stand talking on the phone either!) or sitting around sipping wine and complaining about men–these things are very superficial generalizations of women; we’re way deeper than that–but are there other things that bug you about women. You don’t have to answer that here. Just ask yourself these questions. Again, there’s nothing wrong with your preference for being friends with males.

Oh, and jarbaby, like Tequila Mockingbird said, if I’m ever in your neck of the woods, I’d love to go drinking with you too. Cheers!

18

I have no problem with girls just… well, this sums it up best. I met a very sweet girl the first day of school last year. We sat outside and talked for a couple hours, boys, hair, yadda…I went back to my room and thought, “Wow, after that I could use some conversation!” It wasn’t unpleasant, its just wasn’t much of anything.

Some girls rock wonderfully. But in general, guys are more fun. All of my ‘girlfriends’ have been similar to my guyfriends. We get together and hang out, tell dirty jokes and talk about life, small or large scale. Just the girls have been fewer.

19

I have no problem with girls just… well, this sums it up best. I met a very sweet girl the first day of school last year. We sat outside and talked for a couple hours, boys, hair, yadda…I went back to my room and thought, “Wow, after that I could use some conversation!” It wasn’t unpleasant, its just wasn’t much of anything.

Some girls rock wonderfully. But in general, guys are more fun. All of my ‘girlfriends’ have been similar to my guyfriends. We get together and hang out, tell dirty jokes and talk about life, small or large scale. Just the girls have been fewer.

20

A couple of my female friends invite me to candle parties and drink wine spritzers. I like them fine, but I can take them for only so long. The girlies I truly adore are the ones I can call “snapchest” and “fucknut” and with whom I can get sloppy drunk and make fun of people and throw Jimmy Buffett cd’s off of boats with. But I digress. One of my favorite girls ever is someone I used to work with in Boston, but since I came back to Chicago, we can’t have running-man marathons in the lobby anymore, and no one laughs when I say “Ah lahk yer boobies”. Lots of chicks just don’t dig me.

I’ve had guy friends, but the friendships often ended when I wouldn’t fuck 'em. I love hanging out with guys - I am more comfortable around them in general. My sense of humor is often closer to that of the men in my acquaintance than that of the women. Like, “Nice to meet you…and I mean M-E-A-T.”